PANIC PROGNOSTICATION (HUH?)
By: Angelica Hart and Zi
It is not at all uncommon to have in-house debates over the most ridiculous things. If some of you have been reading our column you might not find this surprising. Slices of our days are lost to things like, should web-cams be marked with, use under parental guidance or worst rated-X, or do slugs know they leave a shimmer trail, or should we ever have any of our main characters wearing braces on their teeth fearing it might be distractive to the reader. The subject du jour was, if you panic you become inconsequential.
A: Zi... I've been thinking about sheet rippers and water boilers? (Face pensive as if considering one of the most important thoughts of the ages)
Z: Huh? (Looking up from handicapping the NFL picks for Sunday)
A: You know... when a woman has a baby and someone rips sheets and someone boils water...
Z: You're having a baby? (Mouth forms a huge O almost as huge as the roundness of his eyes) You're too old! Oops, far too much info... and I need to go on the lam, the PC police are sure to fine me. Sorry to the square root of please accept my apology. What's your thoughts on the Cowboys vs. the Redskins?
A: Am not old! (Shakes her hands in front of his face as if trying to chase away his thoughts) You're not listening. I'm talking abstract here. The unknown pregnant lady about to give birth. (Momentarily pensive) We're not writing a Western, are we?
Z: She'd go to the hospital and I don't think they rip sheets and boil water nowadays. (He was about to ghoom the dreary corners of his mind for answers... she was posing the imponderable)
A: There is no darkness to be hunting. Don't be using ghoom! (As if they were of one mind she reading his thoughts and then emerges the sound a wounded animal makes when stepping into the trap)
Z: Gotta do something about that indigestion, kiddo. (Of course he thought his inane humor was the quintessential yuckfest)
A: Focus, Zi. (Hoping to gloppen him into getting back on point)
Z: I am surprised you used gloppen. (He knowing gloppen meant surprised... a crooked grin appears testifying that he had been teasing her, a favorite pastime) So what about sheets and hot water?
A: Ahhhh, great question, glad you asked. I think we're the water boilers and readers are the sheet rippers. We go out in the kitchen, get the pot, find the lid, pump the water, put it all on the stove, light the match to ignite the gas under the pot, and get the pot holders ready.
Z: And what has this have to do with the price of mouse pads on the west side of Siam? And, by the way, what age are you living in?
A: (She made a glock sound as she swallowed) Bear with me, we go out into the office, get the plot, find the storyline, pump the characters, put it all on the computer, light the flame of conflict, and get the book ready for readers to read. Thereby, the readers are the sheet rippers, right there in the action of everything that evolves.
Z: (Shakes his head.) Wrong.
A: Really?
Z: (Nods) Let me share this with you. A hungry bear came upon two people in the woods, a writer and a reader. One was typing away on his laptop. The other was reading. The bear ate the reader. (He pauses for effect) Even bears know readers digest and writers cramp.
A: I don't get it. What's that have to do with the price of ink on Main Street London? Actually it was so funny I forgot to laugh. Where is my yo-yo? It is a Duncan moment. (Walked the dog... put the yo-yo back and sat) What's you point... Pointy-Pointerson, from Pointview, Pointerio?
Z: Exactly! First rule of writing have something to say. You didn't.
A: Which brings us to the question of the week, what is better a good story with bad writing or a bad story with good writing? Write us and tell us your thoughts.
Neither of us can givy during our workdays because one event after the next provokes spirited interlude. Life is grand when your imagination has been encouraged to fly freely. Givy means to relax... been doing my G-words today... I feel I am never too old to learn something... Last week I discerned that I will never name a dog Stain... Imagine standing in the park... call for your pouch... the waves of ridiculing eyes... followed by the flood of embarrassment... think about it.
We'd love to hear from anyone interested in what we do. Anyone who emails us at angelicahartandzi@yahoo.com and leaves an s-mail address, we will send you a gift and add you to any future mailings.
Angelica Hart and Zi
KILLER DOLLS
SNAKE DANCE
CHASING GRAVITAS ~ July 2010
Champagne Books
angelicahartandzi.com
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