Thursday, March 31, 2011

DVD Review - Blood Cabin (2009)

Blood Cabin a.k.a. Murder Loves Killers Too, 2009.

Directed by Drew Barnhardt.
Starring Christine Haeberman, Allen Andrews, Mary Legault and Scott Nadler.


SYNOPSIS:

A group of teenagers are murdered one by one during their weekend away at a remote cabin.


Remote cabins are a heavy staple of horror/slasher films. It worked for The Evil Dead and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and there is no doubt that this set up is going to deviate in more modern releases. Well not too soon anyway. Blood Cabin is an upcoming low budget slasher film, and when I say low budget, I mean really low budget.

It’s the typical set up: a bunch of drunk teens (each one annoying in a specific way) go up to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to quaff, faff and fornicate. There’s the egotistical, yet spotty, main man, the slutty blonde, the beardy indie chap, the sensible brunette and for some reason some shrieking, barely legal harridan snuck aboard the car with them. It’s a wonder that she was killed off on the way to the cabin. I was so satisfied when she was the first one to expire as she was in danger of giving me a migraine.

The killings start without any warning whatsoever and the killer himself is left to a bit of a mystery until the last ten minutes (I won’t spoil it for you, but it’s worth watching just to see). Big Stevie is the balding middle aged killer in this romp and could easily have been mistaken for one of the teenagers' disapproving father. After seeing him slice up his first couple of victims, I couldn’t help but feel that there was some kind of relevant reason for this. Maybe because those damn kids kept playing their terrible music loudly throughout the film and it was interrupting his work in the study. Funny things drive you to murder you know!

Presentation-wise, the film feels extremely low budget, as I mentioned, but it doesn’t get any ideas above its station. Director Drew Barnhardt seems to have taken a simple premise, a minimal group of amateur actors and kept the entire film contained within a generic plotline and nothing too adventurous in terms of narrative. The camera feel like it’s being used by an unseen sixth teenager who wasn’t invited to the party and knows little of the concepts of fish eye lens and tripod. If the camera isn’t jerkily roaming the cabin, it’s got a fish eye lens taped on to make the cabin more bendy than necessary. It looks good for a student film, but even then I would take marks off for lack of adequate editing.

Before the halfway point, two thirds of the main cast are slaughtered, leaving the sensible girl and the crazed, but oddly calm killer. Somehow the film started to improve after this point as an amateur game of cat and mouse takes place before she is captured by Big Stevie. Up to this point, Big Stevie seemed a quiet and mysterious killer, but then he calmly, and surprisingly eloquently, explains to a gagged and tied victim what he intends to do and apologises for any discomfort. Suddenly, the film seemed to have changed gear from simple slasher to borderline spoof. Big Stevie’s monologue in the scene was delivered in such a comedic and deadpan manner that it came across as a lampoon. And I think Barnhardt meant this, too.

Blood Cabin is about an hour in length, but it’s the last twenty minutes that really stand out and, dare I say, actually make the film worth a watch. Just make sure you have a decent film to watch afterwards as this is a stupendously low budget film, in case I forgot to mention.

Will Preston is a student at the University of Portsmouth. He writes for various blogs (including his own website), presents a weekly radio show on PURE FM and makes various short films.

Movie Review Archive

DVD Giveaway - The Be All and End All - NOW CLOSED

Bruce Webb's Brit comedy The Be All and End All comes to DVD on Monday April 11th and to celebrate the release the lovely people at Verve Pictures have kindly supplied us with three copies of the film to give away to our readers.

Read on the for synopsis, trailer and details of how to enter the competition...
Robbie (Josh Bolt) and Ziggy (Eugene Byrne) think they'll be best mates forever, but when Robbie collapses on holiday and is diagnosed with a fatal heart condition, forever suddenly seems a lot shorter. Lying in the children's ward, Robbie only has one thing on his mind: he doesn't want to die a virgin - and the only one who can help him achieve his goal is his best friend Ziggy.

Hopelessly inexperienced with the opposite sex himself, Ziggy is put in charge with the almighty task of getting his dying friend laid and devises a number of flawed plans which lead to him getting beaten up by the outraged girls at school, followed by a mistimed trip to a brothel just as it gets raided by the police.


If you'd like to be in with a chance of winning all you need to do is drop us an email with your contact details, the subject heading "BE ALL", and an answer to the following question...

The Be All and End All star Liza Tarbuck appeared in which Ricky Gervais series?

A) The Office B) Extras

The competition closes at 6pm on Sunday April 10th. UK entrants only please.

Read our review here.

The Prize Finder - UK Competitions
Loquax Competitions
Competitions Today

Why 3-D Smartphones Are the Best Bet for 3-D Adoption

 At the recent CTIA Wireless conference in Orlando, Fla., two major manufacturers jumped into the 3-D market, a market that has been mostly dominated by TVs until this point. While it may seem counterintuitive to relegate 3-D shows to a small smartphone screen, 3-D smartphones might actually have the best chance of promoting 3-D adoption among consumers.

The display
Portability is one of the most important considerations. While 3-D content would look better on a large screen, people can't carry their 3-D TVs around with them. Passing the time on a boring plane ride with a 3-D movie is one of the perks of a 3-D smartphone.

It also widens the customer base because those who would have said they don't have time at home to watch a 3-D movie might want to stream a 3-D show to their phone while traveling.

But there's an even more important benefit to the 3-D smartphone displays: They don't require 3-D glasses. The glasses for 3-D TVs are expensive (many over $100 each), require batteries and are usually not numerous enough for an entire family. The 3-D smartphone bypasses every one of these problems by negating the need for glasses and making the viewing experience personal.

It's not a perfect solution. The screens on the two major 3-D smartphones – the HTC EVO 3D and the LG Optimus 3D – use parallax technology, which has certain flaws. For instance, the screens must be viewed straight on; turning them even a single degree distorts the image. However, these flaws are a relatively minor concern. It's far easier to turn your wrist a bit to adjust the viewing angle than it is to search the couch cushions to find that second pair of 3-D glasses.

The price
Currently, 3-D TVs are very expensive, costing thousands of dollars — and that's before you buy the 3-D Blu-ray player and the extra glasses. 3-D smartphones, on the other hand, will be subsidized by carriers, just like any other phone, making them much cheaper alternatives. There's also no need for disc players and DVRs because of the next point.

The content
A phone's mobile network provides an automatic content delivery system. Movies and shows can be purchased for download or rented for streaming with relative ease, and users don't have to be sitting in their living room either.

For now, there is still very little content for 3-D mobile devices, though that will likely change. Sprint representatives at CTIA indicated the carrier plans to create a content portal for the HTC EVO 3D, and T-Mobile will likely do the same for the LG Optimus 3D. If there is enough content available soon after launch, consumers will flock to it because of the ease of finding and playing movies and TV shows.

The camera
Both the EVO 3D and the Optimus 3D have dual cameras that allow the user to shoot their own 3-D images and video. And the 3-D display lets them view it instantly. As long as the cameras work well (all indications are positive so far) then 3-D phones offer the full package: the ability to not only view but create 3-D content. 3-D TVs can't do that.

Of course, there are 3-D camcorders reaching the market, but they are inferior to 3-D smartphones because of the next point.

The price/functionality quotient
The biggest benefit of getting 3-D media through a smartphone is that the device does so many other things as well. The screen may be smaller, but you're getting far more functionality for a cheaper price: phone calls, texting, Internet browsing, hundreds of thousands of apps, FM radio and more.

While there are different implementations of these features in some new Internet-connected TVs, the interface is invariably clunkier and less fully featured than what you find in a simple 3-D smartphone. For this reason alone, 3-D content makers have a better chance of selling their products because people will likely have a 3-D-capable smartphone sooner than an everything-capable 3-D TV.

It may still take a while
While the benefits of 3-D smartphones are obvious, they may remain a rarity for a while. It's still unclear if people are truly interested in 3-D content, regardless of whether or not it requires glasses. The available 3-D content will need to multiply exponentially, and the parallax screens could be further refined. But if anything can inspire 3-D adoption among American consumers, the new 3-D smartphones can.

Addiction: Most People Can’t Function Without Their Smartphones


“We expect that Nokia’s smartphone portfolio will make further significant market share losses during 2011 and 2012 until it has completed its adoption of Microsoft’s Windows Phone software as its new primary software platform for smartphones” said Standard & Poor’s credit analyst, Matthias Raab.

Listen, I love my smartphone too, and I spend way too much time on it as I’m sure you do as well, but I think it’s important to know the difference between what can be done on your mobile device and what should be handled on a good old-fashioned desktop.

If you want a larger display, go play on your computer, or go buy a tablet. I agree that it’s beneficial to be able to handle tasks on-the-go, or watch TV when you’re waiting in the doctor’s office, but the line has to be drawn somewhere.

My Personal Review for A Troubled Range by Andrew Grey

I have to admit I am a shameless groupie of this author and his books. From the first book I read of Mr. Grey's (The Best Revenge), I have fallen further and further under his spell with each subsequent release.

A Troubled Range is the sequel to A Shared Range and one that had me crying and smiling through the entire story. I thank god no one was home when I read this because frankly, they would wondered who died from all the tissues I was using up. *grins*

Meet Haven Jessup, the cowboy who lives next door to Dakota and Wally (you met Dakota, Wally and Phillip in the first book) for all his life and for the life of him, can not figure out why his dad hates the Holden's so much. Meeting Phillip Reardon was an unexpected treat after visiting Dakota and Wally. Haven is a man who has hidden his secret desires from everyone due to his father's opinions. With each page the reader is drawn into Phillip and Haven's sweet romance and man do the sparks fly between them. I was afraid my computer would start smoking from the sexual tension between the two. 
A Troubled Range is a perfect story to heat up your afternoon with especially as it was gray and cold outside my window. A Troubled Range delivers  sexy cowboys, romance and mystery all rolled up within its pages. Andrew Grey has another winner with his follow up Range story and I, for one, want to know when he will be back to the wilds of Wyoming again. If you are looking for a sweet and sexy M/M Story to enjoy then grab A Troubled Range then settle back. It will be a hot and bumpy ride. I am eager to see what else this author has up his sleeve in the future.

Monsters, Inc. prequel Monsters University gets a director

Monsters UniversityYou may have heard by now that the long awaited sequel to Disney Pixar's family favourite Monsters, Inc. now has a story and a title. The film, which is still another year and a half from release, will be called Monsters University and will actually be set before the first film. It will chart Sully and Mike's time at university where they are initially enemies but then become close friends. The storyline sounds like it has a lot of scope for hilarity and I think making the second film a prequel was a brilliant idea. Fans have waited too long for it to simply be a continuation of the first film.

Only a matter of days after this exciting news, ComingSoon.net revealed that a director has been confirmed in the shape of Dan Scanlon. Scanlon is relatively new to the directing scene but was one of the writers for Cars and a story artist for Toy Story 3, in addition to helming the Cars short Mater and the Ghostlight. His relative inexperience in the world of directing concerns me slightly but I think the fact that he has plenty of experience in animation will help Scanlon succeed.

It will be interesting to see how Scanlon's film stands up against the first, which was directed by Pete Doctor among others, due to the huge success of Monsters, Inc. The fact that the first film was so successful - and the fact that Billy Crystal and John Goodman are likely to reprise their roles as Sully and Mike - will surely drive fans to the big screen for this one. I sincerely hope this film isn't terrible and contains much of what made Monsters, Inc. so loved. It would be a shame for the wait of over 10 years to have been for nothing. I'm holding my breath on this one.

For the Love of Trailers - Beautiful Boy, Exporting Raymond and Super

What to look forward to (or not) as Louise-Afzal Faerkel casts her eye over the trailers for upcoming releases Beautiful Boy, Exporting Raymond and Super...

BEAUTIFUL BOY

Directed by Shawn Ku.
Starring Michael Sheen, Maria Bello, Alan Tudyk, Moon Bloodgood, Kyle Gallner and Meat Loaf.

It’s slim pickings out there, trailer-wise. So I must resort to yet again a tormenting, uninteresting trailer to review. Apologies.

The subject-matter of Beautiful Boy is interesting enough in itself (how parents of a college student who shot his classmates cope after his death – put very awkwardly), that’s not the issue. It’s this tiring, shockingly over-used type of trailer making that yet again makes me roll my eyes, thinking “What’s the point of it all?”.

Certain formulas just work for certain audiences, but I wish distribution companies would sometimes take a few more risks, like in this instance. Perhaps they are really representing the movie as it is: terribly Hallmark-esque made-for-TV type film. Snore.

The only efficient element of the trailer, to an extent, is the unexpected twist that makes the story (i.e. this is not a movie about parents losing a child, but also how to deal with essentially being the parent of a killer). That is all. The build-up works, but from then on it’s a yawn-inspiring tearjerker-wannabe, which condenses an entire movie (including its ending, I suspect) to a mere, predictable two minutes, rather than give the spectator a hint of what to expect.

It is lazy, unchallenging trailer-making. The crescendo in the music as the video moves along makes it feel like a music video. I would not even bother watching the trailer if I were you. 4 outta 10, people.


EXPORTING RAYMOND

Directed by Philip Rosenthal.

Now, how can we keep promoting a terrible sitcom after it has finished airing? Why, we make a documentary about its maker and his most recent explorations, don’t you know!

So is this a tale of arrogant, better-knowing (or so they think) Americans and their lack of understanding differences between cultures? An eye-opening, awe-inspiring documentary about accepting each other as we are? Not so much, actually. There is only so much room for cynicism in this trailer.

Firstly, it spends 30 seconds presenting award-winning US sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, only to reveal how its creator is still making comedy. So far, so uninteresting.

Then it reveals its true plot, which could be either very well explored or naively mocked: how does an American bring his comedy series to Russia? Complex stuff indeed.

It is not a dreadful piece of editing, or a bad trailer. But it is one that relies too much on its newspaper quotes: there is no room for the viewer to genuinely take in all the information the actual movie clips give us because we are being bombarded with too much external and biased influence. Time and time again I have stressed how this works in selling the film – but not here.

The graphics work in the trailer’s advantage, nonetheless: they are nicely made, innovative, funny and more efficient than most. The structure of the trailer is flawless and works completely.

I will say this though. Exporting Raymond looks funnier than ELR ever did. 6/10.


SUPER

Directed by James Gunn.
Starring Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, Liv Tyler, Kevin Bacon and Michael Rooker.

“Shut up crime!” is the best tagline in a long time. It is not cheesy, clichéd or baffling. It is efficient , easy to remember and funny.

Super is here marketed as a fun, easy piece of film and it looks damn entertaining. It is a trailer that really gives a hint of what to expect, rather than boiling the premise down to substantially telling you the denouement. Winner!

The structure and graphics work, it is enjoyable to watch and a quirky, different piece to all the other indie alternatives that can all too often take themselves too seriously.

Even so, it is a trailer (and film?) that might alienate certain potential audiences, due to its structure and kooky presentation of the (kooky) film. And perhaps this is the kind of trailer that includes too many good lines in a short amount of time. It left me thinking how much of the movie is actually in the trailer. Could it be clever or a terrible mistake to make this sort of trailer?

Lastly, I want to know how Ellen Page's character knows Rainn Wilson's: this is the main flaw of the trailer. Their friendship appears out of the blue and the viewer is left feeling they might have missed something out, that you blinked too many times or something.

I will not know until I watch the movie, though. And I am watching this movie. Won’t you join me? 7/10.


Louise-Afzal Faerkel

Georgia Bulldogs: Are The Running Backs Man Enough?

Photo Credit: Kelly Lambert/OnlineAthens
In 2002, Pat Dye laid down a gauntlet for Georgia when he declared they weren't "man enough" to beat Alabama. That team, led by David Greene, David Pollack, Jon Stinchcomb, and Terrell Edwards, had the last laugh—beating the Crimson Tide en route to winning their first SEC Championship in 20-years.

They were plenty man enough.

So, in thinking about Georgia's running back situation, it's no mistake that the same phraseology has entered my mind.

After seeing what each player—minus Malcome—had to offer in 2010, it seems logical to question the toughness, focus, and motivation of each player as they enter 2011.

According to a report by Anthony Dasher of UGASports.com, Georgia running backs coach, Bryan McClendon says the tailbacks are working hard right now($$$). Said McClendon, "Right now I think it's more of the open competion which has sparked them [emphasis added]. I tell them all the time let's just worry about today...right now today is we have on scholarship Caleb (King), Carlton (Thomas), Washaun (Ealey) and Ken Malcome. Those are the guys we have on scholarship; those are the guys who need to worry about today right now."

Seriously, those guys need reassurance that they still have a shot at playing time to stay motivated? How about these reasons—just off the top of my head—you stunk in short-yardage situations, you ran like sissies for the better part of the season, you acted like idiots off the field (particularly you, Caleb and Washaun), and you contributed in a major way to at least three of Georgia's losses by committing crucial turnovers on key downs.

Isaiah Crowell is the least of your worries.

If you're a Georgia fan, which I don't deny myself the privilege of admitting, you have to ask yourself: are any of these guys ready to strap on the challenge of helping lead this team back to glory? Can Ealey or King set aside their egos long enough to remember it's a team sport? Can any of us have faith that Carlton Thomas' heart is enough to overcome the limitations of his sub-175lb body? Can Malcome really be an every down back?

In the best case scenario, Crowell turns out to be the workhorse, and the star, Georgia wants him to be and he, along with Aaron Murray, wreak havoc on the rest of the SEC for the next 3-4 years. But, what if that doesn't happen? Do any of us, right now, feel confident that either Ealey or King (two of the only other guys on the roster with significant experience) will continue to work or play nearly as hard for the team if they aren't 1 and 1A on the depth chart?

Honestly I'm a bit skeptical because if the only motivation any of them can find in giving their best effort is in the possibility that Crowell won't start, they're still missing the point—it's about the letter on the helmet, fellas, not the name on the back.

I'm no coach or expert in these matters, but I do have a little advice for those guys: start playing like you want to be at Georgia and maybe you won't have to look over your shoulders as much.


WRITER'S WRITE...WRITING PARTNERS FEUD



KILLER DOLL DIP IF YOU MUST, SNAKE DANCE WHEN YOU CAN, WHILE CHASING YESTERDAY ALONG WITH ANGELICA HART AND ZI WHILE HAVING A CHAMPAGNE BOOKS' COCKTAIL

We thought we'd share something a bit different this week. Something that will entertain you in a different way. Hence, this is a gun moll's disarm your gang, take their money, and run dip.

Recipe:
Buy Velveeta Processed Cheese. Big block not little.
Buy premade chili. This could be from anywhere you wish it to be. It could be your own. It could be your grandmother's, it could be from a fast food establishment. Bottom line, have chili.
Buy Salsa. This is key. Spicy is key. Hotter the better is key. But if you are a wimp back off the heat.
Take all things home in an environmentally friendly bag. Place on counter. Fold bag for reuse.
Look at bag and be proud of who you are.
Sing your national anthem. Singing is optional especially if your voice is mal-toned.
Oops!
Run back to the store and get whatever you need to dip into the dip unless you were aware that edible dipping appliances were necessary.
Back home again.
Anticipate when dipping will commence. If this is complicated, use paper, pencil and calculator.
Ten minutes before you are ready for the dippers to consume, start!
Take big bowl. Make certain it is microwave safe.
Put cubed Velveeta in aforementioned bowl. One inch cubes are ideal. Half inch cubes are better but it takes more time so add two minutes to advanced preparation time.
Add chili.
Add salsa.
We're guessing at this point you would like to know how much of each. Good question.
Equal volumes of each.
Microwave and stir periodically.
Once mused as a blend and not quite scalding to the touch it is ready.
Serve.
Eat.
Enjoy.
Lie to your friends that this is an old family recipe and offer them hand-scribed copies.
You're welcome.


We'd love to hear from anyone interested in what we do. Anyone who writes us at angeliahartandzi@yahoo.com and leaves an s-mail address, we will send you a gift and add you to any future mailings.

Angelica Hart and Zi
KILLER DOLLS ~ SNAKE DANCE ~ CHASING YESTERDAY
Champagne Books can be purchased at http://www.champagnebooks.com

THE FABLE OF SIN-SIN-CINDERELLA SERIES
Books can be purchased at angelicahartandzi.com






Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Second Opinion - Sucker Punch (2011)

Sucker Punch, 2011.



Directed by Zack Snyder.

Starring Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung, Oscar Isaac, Carla Gugino, Jon Hamm and Scott Glenn.



Sucker Punch

SYNOPSIS:



Locked in an institution against her will, a young woman fights for her freedom in a vivid dream world that blurs the boundaries between what is real and what is imaginary.



Sucker Punch

Bringing us visual delights such as 300 and Watchmen, director Zack Snyder transfers another epic green screen production into theaters. This time around our heroes are not muscled warriors nor do they have super powers. Well not unless you consider the ability to fight giant samurai and even bigger dragons while wearing tiny outfits a super power. Sucker Punch tells the visually-powered tale of a young girl desperately trying to escape an institution that her step-father admits her to against her will.



Emily Browning plays the lead role of Baby Doll. Following the death of her mother, she is placed in an all girl institution by her step dad. While there she meets four other young girls whom she befriends; Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), her sister Rocket (Jena Malone), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens) and Amber (Jamie Chung). After struggling at first to deal with being locked away, Baby Doll is able to retreat to a type of alternate reality within her imagination which allows her to cope with her troubles. During these trips into this reality, she comes across a Wise Man (Scott Glenn) who instructs her that she needs to find five things in order to escape her prison.



She decides to include the other girls in on her plan to earn her freedom. They all agree to help her in hopes of also finally being able to put this place behind them forever. Their journey’s into this fantasy world pits them against random virtual enemies. Warriors, Nazi soldiers and fighting robots all attempt to prevent them from reaching their ultimate goal: to set themselves free.



Along with his wife and production partner, Deborah, Zack Snyder really goes all out when it comes to creating this world projected from the imagination of Baby Doll. “Over the top” is probably the best way to describe the visuals on this film. But in this type of film, the all out special effects are expected and much welcomed. Seeing this movie in IMAX probably fulfilled the effect that Snyder, who also helped write the screenplay, was originally going for. It had just the right mixture of super-slow motion and sparkle-dazzle to make it impressive.



It’s quite obvious that the majority of the effort put into this project went into the special effects because no one will win any acting awards here. Especially not Browning even in the lead role. She’s nice to look at in her school girl outfit battling mythical foes but she spares us of displaying any kind of actual acting talent. The rest of the cast pretty much follows suit. Only Carla Gugino who plays Madam Gorski really used any skill by throwing on a Russian accent for her character.



The costumes were well placed for a PG-13 rating, having sex appeal but being very tastefully done. Everyone was wearing some obvious pretty heavy make-up throughout the film, even Browning’s character before she had even entered the institution. Another plus for the movie, however, was the music used to fuel the fantasy world and fight scenes. Hearing, no not hearing, but feeling the score pound through the speakers in IMAX surround sound was a pleasure. Decent story with a couple of unexpected turns here and there, Snyder put in some work writing the story. But I did feel like the ending was kind of rushed.



The combat and gun fights alongside the special effects were the best spectacle of the film, if you weren’t able to already guess that from all of the trailers. Although we’ve no doubt seen bullets fly in slow motion, it was still good to see in this one. That and witnessing swords slowly slice their way through opposing enemy robots were all pretty well done. Chock up one more fantasy thrill ride for Mr. Snyder. I give Sucker Punch “3.5 much needed escapes into a violent fantasy world in order to deal with your problems out of 5”. Try it some time, it might even help you too.



“If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.”





Sean Guard

Follow me on Twitter @SilentScribbler



Movie Review Archive

365 Days, 100 Films #8 - Submarine (2010)

Submarine, 2010.



Written and Directed by Richard Ayoade.

Starring Craig Roberts, Yasmin Paige, Sally Hawkins, Paddy Considine, Noah Taylor and Gemma Chan.





SYNOPSIS:



Submarine details the teenage years of Oliver Tate as he processes the confusion of his parents’ dithering marriage and his own longing heart.





Richard Ayoade directed the music video for Vampire Weekend’s ‘Oxford Comma’. It’s filmed in one hugely complex and intricate take, but looks inventively effortless. Wes Anderson-by-numbers, really. Nevertheless, it’s a very good piece of filmmaking. Ayoade is arguably more famous in front of the camera, as the I.T. Crowd’s Moss, or Darkplace’s Dean Leaner, but he’s trying. He now has a feature under his belt - Submarine.



The film follows Oliver Tate (Craig Roberts), an impossible dreamer, through adolescence. He’s read too much Nietzsche and seen too many Truffauts. It puts him at odds with his majestically crude school friends. Oliver tells us all this through his own neurotic narration. He falls for a girl at school, Jordana Bevan. Because she’s a bit of an outcast, like him, he reckons he has more of a chance. When he says ‘outcast’, you know he actually means, and believes, ‘misunderstood’. Teenagers, eh?



Aside from these complications of the heart, and general coping with existence, Oliver’s parents’ relationship is becoming increasingly strained. His father, Lloyd (Noah Taylor), is a marine biologist who’s susceptible to bouts of depression. He once drank hot lemon from the same cup for four days without changing or washing it - a smart detail, signalling for whenever he starts his spiral down. We notice Lloyd holding the hot lemon cup, sure, and so does Oliver (there isn’t much he doesn’t notice). But his mother, Jill (Sally Hawkins), carries on her flirtations with their new next-door neighbour; her old flame, Graham (Paddy Constantine). Hopefully she’s too blinded by the attention, rather than being beyond caring for her dull, dispirited husband.



Later on in the film, it emerges that Jordana’s mother is very ill. She asks Oliver to visit her in hospital the following Friday at 6pm. As he is about to leave,he sees Lloyd sipping from that unwashed hot lemon cup. Does he stay with his depressed father, or visit his girlfriend’s dying mother? The latter is surely more pressing, and he’d promised Jordana so sincerely. Was he going to leave the house anyway? Such choices are beyond the pay-grade of a 15 year-old.



The film is cut with that particularly European brand of melodramatic flair. This is not just for style’s sake. We are watching the film through Oliver’s perspective. He sees his life as some French New Wave masterpiece, one yet to be unearthed by film scholars. It rings true for anyone who has ever been a teenager. We’re all tortured, undiscovered geniuses at that age.



We can all relate. Much of Submarine’s humour comes from this self-absorbed, exaggerated perception of Oliver’s life. It’s funny because we’ve been there. Who hasn’t thought, during an especially significant moment in one’s life, how good said significant moment would look from a crane shot slowly tracking out? However, as Oliver pessimistically notes, his life story would probably only have the budget for a simple track-back. Ayoade’s camera then simply tracks back to end the scene. Even the very mechanics of filmmaking mock Oliver’s teenage self-absorption.



If you watch Submarine with a complacent eye, you’ll liken it to the American ‘indie’ films. Wes Anderson’s name is now never far away when considering anything with contemporary quirk. But that ‘indie’ scene feels stagnant these days. ‘Indie’ is now a style rather than a means of production. At its best, the American ‘indie’ output can be very enjoyable. At worst, though, it can be insufferably smug.



What Submarine accomplishes, and very well, is a joining between the best parts of the American ‘indie’ films – comical neuroticism, benign quirkiness and a deep emotional attachment – to the stylistics of the continent. After all, between the two is where we sit politically. Why not try it out in British film?





Oli Davis



365 Days, 100 Films



Movie Review Archive

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets animated as The Governator

This past weekend it was revealed that former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger was attached to "an international TV series", the details of which were expected to be announced at Cannes next week. Well, the speculation has ended early as EW's Popwatch got exclusive word on the project, an animated superhero series entitled The Governator.

"The Governator is going to be a great superhero, but he’ll also be Arnold Schwarzenegger,” says Marvel legend and comic book icon Stan Lee, who is developing the project alongside Arnie. "We’re using all the personal elements of Arnold’s life... after he leaves the governor’s office, Arnold decides to become a crime fighter and builds a secret high-tech crime-fighting center under his house in Brentwood.”

Supporting The Governator in his battle against the evil Gangsters Imposters Racketeers Liars & Irredeemable Ex-cons (G.I.R.L.I.E. Men) is an array of vehicles and super suits, along with a 13-year-old sidekick who acts as Arnie's cybersecurity expert. The animated series is expected to arrive next year. Hey, at least it's not Turboman.

Understanding Scorsese: A Martin Scorsese Profile (Part 5)

Trevor Hogg profiles the career of legendary American filmmaker Martin Scorsese in the fifth of a five part feature... read parts one, two, three and four.

“I didn’t think of it as Hong Kong. I reacted to what Bill Monahan put together in the script; I liked the idea,” explained American filmmaker Martin Scorsese when discussing The Departed (2006). “Taking from the Hong Kong trilogy of Andrew Lau‘s film [Infernal Affairs], that’s the device, the concept of the two informers. [I am] totally, whether I like it or not, drawn to stories that have to do with trust and betrayal. I found that I kept being drawn back to the script and to the project. It became something else.” Questioned about his shift from portraying Italian criminals to those of Irish heritage, the director observed, “The differences between different ethnic groups as gangsters, that’s purely technical.” Cast in the plot-twisting thriller are Leonardo DiCaprio (The Beach), Matt Damon (The Bourne Supremacy), Jack Nicholson (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest), Alec Baldwin (Beetlejuice), Mark Wahlberg (Boogie Nights), Martin Sheen (Badlands), Ray Winstone (Edge of Darkness), and Vera Farmiga (Source Code). “It’s really rare in a film of this budget to have characters this interesting,” stated Matt Damon of the $90 million production in which he portrays a gangster mole planted in the Boston police force. Leonardo DiCaprio, who plays the undercover police officer, is in agreement with his co-star. “These characters are two sides of the same coin in a lot of ways,” stated DiCaprio. “They come from different backgrounds but they each could have easily made choices the other character made, depending on the circumstances.” The frequent Scorsese collaborator added, “I think the working experience was interesting because it was almost like we were shooting two entirely different films.”

“We shot in an armory in Brooklyn. That’s where there was space,” revealed Martin Scorsese. “I think it was an issue of a very good shooting deal in New York as oppose to Boston.” Leonardo DiCaprio was impressed with those helping behind the scenes. “We had a great technical advisor name Tom Duffy who knew the entire history of Boston and what the streets were like; he was there throughout the entire filmmaking process. The police gave us unbelievable advice. Matt actually went on a raid at a crackhouse.” The frontline knowledge is not something Matt Damon is going to forget. “The ride-along was a great experience,” said Damon. “I was lot closer to the action than I was comfortable with, I’ll tell you that. We did the whole deep breathing, the little huddle before we went in. They gave me a bulletproof vest and put me at the end of the line of people who went crashing through the door.”

Working with three-time Oscar-winner Jack Nicholson left a lasting impression on Leonardo DiCaprio. “He had a short run; he filmed his scenes and then he left. But those were some of the most intense moments of the film.” DiCaprio went on to give an example, “We did the [table] scene one way, and I remember Jack [telling] Marty he didn’t feel that [his portrayal of Costello] was intimidating enough…I came in the next day and the prop guy told me, be careful, he’s got a fire extinguisher, a gun, some matches, and a bottle of whiskey. Some things are in the film that he did that day and some things aren’t.” Matt Damon is quick to point out that, “None of the violence in this film is gratuitous and the characters pay a price for their violence. That’s a good message to send out to people – that there’s a price to pay.” Acknowledging that there is usually a body count associated with his movies, Scorsese remarked, “The thing that gets me going is a sense of energy that can be misdirected into violence.”

“I’ll tell you about Gimme Shelter and The Departed,” stated Martin Scorsese who has also used the Rolling Stones’ song in Goodfellas (1990) and Casino (1995). “I was coming home from shooting in New York, in heavy traffic on 57th Street. I could hear the song getting louder, coming from the car next to me. This guy with long hair was slamming his head against the steering wheel shouting, ‘It’s just a shot away.’ I said, ‘That’s The Departed. That’s the theme of the movie – it has to be there.’” Leonardo DiCaprio found his role to be extremely challenging. “Playing a guy that has to relay to the audience this constant 24-hour panic attack…surrounded by people that would literally blow my head off if I gave them any indication of who I am, coupled with the fact that I’m sitting across the table from a homicidal maniac who will maybe light me on fire – that gives your character a whole new dimension.” DiCaprio did not let his director down. “There were a lot of scheduling issues and he had to wait a long time for his performance to be actually photographed,” stated Scorsese. “By the last month of shooting, a lot had been building up in his character – simmering anxiety, tension, and anger. It was just extraordinary. We shot all at once and then as we were editing, my editor Thelma [Schoonmaker], looked at me and said, ‘He’s coming off really strong.’”

“It’s the only movie of mine with a plot,” chuckled Martin Scorsese who, upon be rewarded with the Oscar for Best Director after four previous nominations, mischievously asked, “Could you double-check the envelope?” Thelma Schoonmaker, who won her third Academy Award, could not be happier for her colleague. “It’s really wonderful that Marty won at long last,” said Schoonmaker. “We were praying for that. We didn’t really expect to win adapted screenplay, editing, and best picture. We thought maybe Babel [2006] would. Marty was so surprised. The first thing he said to me after the ceremony was, ‘And we won best picture too!’ It would have been pretty devastating if he hadn’t won. I don’t think I could have taken it, frankly.” The only one of the five nominations that The Departed missed out on at the Academy Awards was Best Supporting Actor (Mark Wahlberg); it was not as lucky at the BAFTAs where the thriller contended for Best Actor (Leonardo DiCaprio), Best Supporting Actor (Jack Nicholson), Best Editing, Best Film, Best Adapted Screenplay, and the David Lean Award for Direction. Martin Scorsese won for Best Director at the Golden Globes while the film, which grossed $290 million worldwide, received nominations for Best Picture – Drama, Best Actor – Drama (Leonardo DiCaprio), Best Supporting Actor (Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg), and Best Screenplay. Thelma Schoonmaker was presented with an Eddie Award by the American Cinema Editors, Scorsese won a Directors Guild of America Award, William Monahan was honoured with Best Adapted Screenplay by the Writers Guild of America, and the movie received a Producers Guild of America nomination. The Departed was lauded at the Boston Society of Film Critics Awards with Best Director, Best Picture, Best Screenplay, and Best Supporting Actor (Mark Wahlberg), while the National Board of Review Awards handed out trophies for Best Director and Best Ensemble. The Screen Actors Guild of America Awards nominated The Departed for Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture and Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role (Leonardo DiCaprio).

The recipient of the 2007 Kennedy Center Honors next helmed The Key to Reserva (2007), a commercial for Spanish sparkling wine producer Freixenet. Martin Scorsese discovers three and a half pages of an unfinished screenplay written by Alfred Hitchcock which he decides to film. The 10-minute production stars Simon Baker (L.A. Confedential), Kelli O’Hara (The Dying Gaul), Michael Stuhlbarg (Body of Lies), Christopher Denham (Duplicity), Richard Easton (Dead Again), Ted Griffin (Must Love Dogs), and Nellie Sciutto (Fixing Rhonda).

“Over the years I went to see a number of their shows,” said Martin Scorsese who has often used the music of the Rolling Stones in his movies. “I like the provocation of their music, the anger and frustration of some of their expressions and the subject matter of their songs; Gimme Shelter is an obvious one. People today are crying out for shelter and there is no shelter anymore; even more so now, it’s an anthem of our time.” The director added, “Watching the Stones, I thought [about what] it would be like trying to film a moment in time.” The idea became a reality in 2006 when Scorsese aided with a vast arsenal of cameras filmed the legendary British band performing at New York’s Beacon Theater. “It was as if the first one [concert] was a warm-up. The second started like it was an encore and built from there,” explained the filmmaker. “When the curtain went up I didn’t know what I’d get. Trust me, it’s possible to have 17 cameras and miss everything.” Grossing $16 million worldwide the project titled Shine a Light (2008) was nominated by the Motion Picture Sound Editors for the Golden Reel Award for Best Sound Editing – Music in a Musical Feature Film.

Next on the cinematic agenda for Martin Scorsese was an adaptation of a psychological thriller written by novelist Dennis Lehane, called Shutter Island (2010). Two U.S. Marshals are sent to a mental institution located on a remote island to investigation the disappearance of an interned murderess. “When I read the script,” remarked the native of Flushing, New York, “I realized it had its roots in something that is classic; it speaks to something very basic about our human nature and about who we are, what we want to conceal and what we have to accept. If we try to know ourselves, are we too afraid sometimes to go into areas that are unpleasant and irrational? Ultimately, what this is all about is ‘know thyself’.” Central to the storyline is the character of U.S. Marshal Edward “Teddy” Daniels. “This film depends on you not knowing where you’re at in any given situation. And so with that in mind, everyday on set was a challenge for me – how I interacted with specific characters, [and] how much I [should] let on as far as what Teddy is really going through.” Scorsese found himself being drawn into the fictional tale. “I tried to pull back a few times and not get so emotionally and psychologically involved…But this story, these characters, it was a very unsettling experience.”

Shutter Island was shot at the notorious Medfield State Hospital in Massachusetts. Built in 1892 and shut down in 2003, at its height the medical facility housed 2200 patients and is rumoured to be haunted by the tormented souls of past patients. Starring in the $80 million psychological thriller are Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo (The Kids Are All Right), Max von Sydow (Snow Falling on Cedars), Ben Kingsley (Sexy Beast), Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine), Emily Mortimer (Redbelt), Ted Levine (The Silence of the Lambs), Jack Earle Haley (Watchmen), Patricia Clarkson (The Station Agent), John Carroll Lynch (Zodiac) and Elias Koteas (The Thin Red Line). “I was very intrigued by this screenplay,” said Leonardo DiCaprio. “It was very much a throwback to great detective genres of the past, whether it be Vertigo [1958], Out of the Past [1947], or Laura [1944] which were films he screened for us.” Martin Scorsese explained his selection of films. “I screened Laura for everyone just to get a reference to the nature of the detective,” said the director. “There are references to film noir, references to Psycho [1960], to psychological thrillers, to horror films, to films that are basically composed of dreams. So I think ultimately that even if the surprise ending is known – although it has several endings in a way – hopefully it’s a picture you can watch repeatedly because of the behaviour of the characters.” As for what drew him to the subject matter, Scorsese stated, “I’ve always been fascinated by mysteries of the mind because it’s how we perceive what we term reality. Witnesses in a court of law will swear they saw something but if they stood two or three feet in another direction maybe they’d have seen it differently.”

“Emotionally and physically, it was one of the tougher films I’ve ever had to make. It was trying on all of us,” remarked Leo DiCaprio whose trials and tribulations on the set did not go unnoticed by his director. “Leo didn’t like the rats, especially when he put his hand on one. That was one of the tougher days. Or should I say weeks?” Martin Scorsese could empathize with his star. “When I got to shooting and editing it, it was like being thrown down a spiral [staircase].” The filmmaker added, “I think I just tried to approach it from my own reaction to reading the material.” Oscar-winner Ben Kingsley enjoyed collaborating with the man behind the camera. “Marty directs like a lover. Everything is held together by affection for his craft, his actors, his crew, the material, and the great journey of cinema in our lives,” said Kingsley. “I think he must have about 40,000 films in his head or at least on his computer. He knows exactly the scene, without being a teacher and without being heavy, he just invites you to share something and it really is contagious. It was marvelous on Shutter Island for Leo, Mark [Ruffalo] and I.” Earning $295 million worldwide Shutter Island was lauded by the National Board of Review for Best Production Design & Art Direction; it also received nominations for Best Art Direction & Production Design, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Sound at the Satellite Awards. Leonardo DiCaprio won Choice Movie Actor – Horror or Thriller at the Teen Choice Awards, while other nominations for the psychological thriller included Choice Movie Actress – Horror or Thriller (Michelle Williams) and Choice Movie – Horror or Thriller.

Co-directed by Martin Scorsese and Kent Jones A Letter to Elia (2010) follows the journey of filmmaker Elia Kazan from Group Theatre to Hollywood, and his controversial role in the blacklisting of his colleagues. The 60-minute documentary features interview footage with Kazan and film clips from On the Waterfront, A Streetcar Named Desire, Gentlemen’s Agreement, Baby Doll, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, A Face in the Crowd, America, America, and The Last Tycoon.

Heading to television, Martin Scorsese directed an 80-minute pilot episode costing $18 million for the HBO. “Boardwalk Empire [2010] was made for what I guess you would call the small screen but we made it like a film,” said the director of the series which is based on the book Boardwalk Empire: The Birth, The High Times and Corruption in Atlantic City by Nelson Johnson. “The 1920s in my head were always very present because my parents referred to them; the music, the people, the clothes. I know all the songs from that period; I know all the films. We knew it all and so it was a natural transition. But you know I really was fascinated with the idea of working with Terry Winter [The Sopranos] and these guys, and taking these characters over 13 hours, developing them, developing their story, the complications of corruption in American politics.” The Emmy-winning creator of the TV series, Terence Winter, found himself also being drawn to the era. “The 1920s were the most interesting to me because it was an era that hasn’t really been depicted often in cinema, and almost never in television.”

Boardwalk Empire features the acting talents of Steve Buscemi (Fargo), Michael Pitt (The Dreamers), Kelly Macdonald (No Country for Old Men), Shea Whigham (Tigerland), Aleksa Palladino (Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead), Michael Shannon (Revolutionary Road), Michael Stuhlbarg, Stephen Graham (Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy), Vincent Piazza (Assassination of a High School President), and Paz de la Huerta (Enter the Void). “At its centre was this incredible lead character, Nuck Johnson, upon whom Steve’s character is based,” said Winter. “This was a guy who was incredibly conflicted, being equal parts politician and gangster. And then, that was coupled with the massive changes going on in the 1920s: like Prohibition, the women’s vote and broadcast radio.” The first 12-episode season came with a price tag of $65 million and won Best Actor in a Television Series - Drama (Steve Buscemi), and Best Television Series – Drama at the Golden Globes where it also contended for Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television (Kelly Macdonald). The Screen Actors Guild handed out nominations for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series (Steve Buscemi), and Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series. For his contribution in helming the pilot episode, Martin Scorsese won a Directors Guild of America Award.

Also for HBO, Martin Scorsese produced Public Speaking (2010), a documentary about Fran Lebowitz, who is an American author know for her sardonic social commentary which has led her being christened the modern day Dorothy Parker. Another documentary Scorsese has in the works is a profile on a former Beatle called Living in the Material World: George Harrison (2011).

Venturing into the realm of children’s literature, Martin Scorsese is cinematically adapting The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick. Renamed Hugo Cabret (2011), the story revolves around an orphan who secretly inhabits the walls of a train station in 1930s Paris; he seeks to unravel a mystery surrounding his deceased father and an automaton. The cast of the adventure film stars Asa Butterfield (Son of Rambow), Chloë Moretz (Let Me In), Jude Law (Sherlock Holmes), Emily Mortimer, Michael Pitt, Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat), Christopher Lee (Season of the Witch), Helen McCrory (Becoming Jane), Richard Griffiths (The History Boys), Michael Stuhlbarg, and Ray Winstone. “It is really a story of a little boy,” said Scorsese. “He does become friends with the older George Méliès who was discovered in 1927, or 1928, working in a toy store, completely bankrupt. And then he was revived in a way with a beautiful gala in 1928, in Paris. And in my film, the cinema itself is the connection – the automaton, the machine itself becomes the emotional connection between the boy, his father, Méliès, and his family.” The director is breaking into a new territory for him – 3D filmmaking. “Every shot is rethinking the camera, [and] rethinking the narrative – how to tell a story with a picture. Now, I’m not saying we have to keep throwing javelins at the camera; I’m not saying we use it as a gimmick, but it’s liberating. It’s literally a Rubik’s Cube every time you go out and design a shot and work out a camera move, or a crane move. But it has a beauty also; people look like…moving statues.” Film editor Thelma Schoonmaker shares Scorsese’s enthusiasm. “It’s a whole new kind of film for us. It’s very visual, very little dialogue, lots of opportunities for wonderful 3D shots, because the boy’s job is to keep the clocks wound, so you can imagine the giant wheels being built. Everyone’s excited about it. It will have a broad appeal.” Chosen to play George Méliès is Ben Kingsley. “It examines the early days of cinema through the eyes of a child,” remarked Kingsley who enjoyed being reunited with the filmmaker. “One of the blessings of working under his love and guidance is that whatever you offer the camera he will see every scrap that you offer. He doesn’t miss anything.”

Other projects in the works for Martin Scorsese are a biopic on Hollywood icon Frank Sinatra and a cinematic adaptation of Silence by Shusaku Endo, about Portuguese Jesuit priests in 17th century Japan. There are suggestions that Scorsese will reunite with Robert De Niro (Taxi Driver) to produce two films based on the book I Heard You Paint Houses by Charles Brandt which is about mob assassin Frank “The Irishman” Sheeran. The filmmaker has also been connecting with his other acting muse Leonardo DiCaprio who is to star in The Wolf of Wall Street; it is based on the memoir penned by high living stockbroker Jordan Belfort who was sent to prison for stock manipulation.

Along with the DGA Lifetime Achievement Award and the Evelyn F. Burkley from the WGA, both of which he received in 2003, Martin Scorsese added another award to his collection in 2010; the Golden Globes bestowed upon him the Cecil B. DeMille Award. Over the course of his career, the New Yorker has directed 17 different actors in Oscar nominated performances and during a brief tenure at NYU he taught future moviemakers Oliver Stone (Platoon), Spike Lee (Do the Right Thing) and Jonathan Kaplan (The Accused). “He infects you with his enthusiasm,” stated Thelma Schoonmaker. “That’s why he’s such a good teacher; he doesn’t lecture you, he makes you excited and want to see all the films he loves. As for the work, it’s so intense, so fulfilling, you feel so proud of the film at the end. I know many other editors who work on films they hate and they’re bitter. I’m never that way.” Leonardo DiCaprio is equally full of praise. “He saved me. I was headed down a path of being one kind of actor, and he helped me become another one. The one I wanted to be.”

Even after making four movies together, DiCaprio remains astounded by the cinematic knowledge of Martin Scorsese. “He’s a professor of film. The man has seen almost every film ever made up until 1980. You get an education while working with him every single day. He screens movies for you to talk about specific scenes and what he’s trying to convey up on the screen. You can ask him a question about a character or the way a scene should go and he can show you 20 different examples of filmmakers that have done that in the past, the way it’s been done right, the way it’s been done wrong. It’s an incredible learning experience.” There is no doubt that the Academy Award-winning director is devoted to his craft. “I’m literally obsessed with the filmmaking process,” readily admitted Scorsese. “Given the chance to learn or experience or something, whether it’s the storm scene in Cape Fear [1991], the world of the 1920s, Hollywood and aviation in The Aviator [2004], I find myself wanting to get back there on set and then, especially in the editing room, to see those images come together. I really enjoy doing it.”

For more on the director be sure to visit the Martin Scorsese Fansite and ScorseseFilms.com, along with the BFI documentary A Personal Journey with Scorsese Through American Movies.

Short Film Showcase - What's a Nice Girl Like You Doing in a Place Like This?
Short Film Showcase - The Big Shave
Short Film Showcase - The Key to Reserva

Trevor Hogg is a freelance video editor and writer who currently resides in Canada.

DVD Review - The King Maker (2005)

The King Maker, 2005.

Directed by Lek Kitaparaporn.
Starring Gary Stretch, John Rhys-Davies and Cindy Burbridge.

The King Maker
SYNOPSIS:

A Portuguese soldier of fortune sets sail for the Orient seeking the man who killed his father.

The King Maker
Last year the Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg was dubbed a “King Maker” by many in the press, due to the historic power afforded to him as a result of a hung parliament. He could either prop up grumpy Gordon or crack open the party poppers for Dave’s coronation. The public rejoiced in watching the usual big boys squirm and a new man get a chance to pull the strings. But now no one agrees with Nick and he’s plummeted from the heights of Britain’s most popular to the land’s favourite burning effigy. Thousands genuinely hate him and want to scratch out his entrails for his sickening, unnatural marriage to the Tories. They despise him for drunkenly tossing away longstanding pledges to the public on his stag night and loathe him for cutting chunks from the country’s finances lustfully on honeymoon. For many it’s a painful, all consuming dislike of this one yellow tied Westminster suit amongst hundreds.

It’s sometimes easy to accept the idea that in today’s world, truly bad films don’t get made anymore. It’s impossible to find two hours in front of a screen with some flickering images completely unsatisfying. You can’t hate a piece of filmmaking like you hate a man. You can’t find it as painfully offensive to your artistic taste and morality as swathes of reckless, damaging government spending cuts. This may be true. Even the most misguided projects I review usually have some kind of redeeming quality, at least one moment of real enjoyment or an admirable aim. But The King Maker is a film that took only 60 seconds for me to want the blessed release of the end credits. It’s an absolute and total turkey, the sort of film that goes straight to the bottom shelf at Tesco for a reason, the sort of film that without qualification deserves the label: BAD.

Out of scores and scores of poor movies, The King Maker is one of the few that if you have any sense of quality and taste, you’ll rapidly be able to regard with something close to hate. Seriously you should heed my warning if you want to avoid an excruciating hour and a half; do not watch The King Maker. Certainly DO NOT PAY ANY (real) MONEY TO SEE THIS. You might think its 88 minute running time short, but it feels a hell of a lot longer and you’ll never get those precious minutes back. There is nothing at all to justify spending time on this lifeless, empty shell of a film.

Literally nothing at all, everything about The King Maker is purely bad. As I’ve said it takes less than a minute for the shoddy editing and woefully low production standards present throughout to raise their ugly, persistent heads. The film opens with an action chase sequence peppered with ludicrous ninja/karate style high kicks and flips. There are jumps and landings that would be laughable were the tone not so serious or the camerawork and execution not so dire. In fact much of the action in The King Maker could be from a masterful slice of slapstick Charlie Chaplin or a ridiculous Monty Python sketch. But The King Maker is not even so bad it is funny. At times it ought to be hilarious. I did not laugh or smile once at its awfulness though. Afterwards my face hurt from the exhaustive efforts of a non-stop grimace.

The main reason I can’t even recommend The King Maker as refreshing fest of unintentional LOL moments is because it’s evident that the actors are trying so damn hard. You can’t have a good old heartening chuckle at all those involved in the film when it’s so obvious that they were trying to make something good; they have no idea how shit it is and you’re left with an endless feeling of painful pity. Every element of the movie is bad, every acting performance poor at best and agonisingly awful at worst. In fairness to the cast they are not helped by the script. Rather than rant about its failures one quote sums up the clunky, grating quality of the dialogue: “Look it’s the king’s emissary, I wonder what he wants?”.

For what it’s worth the film chronicles the story of Portuguese mercenary Fernando De Gama (Gary Stretch), who is shipwrecked in Siam and rescued from slavery by his love interest. He works his way up through the ranks of society, stumbles across a plot, and has scores of his own to settle blah blah blah...it’s really not worth it.

There are continuity errors aplenty, an out of place soundtrack that will make you cringe, silly stunts and cliché black and white flashbacks. CGI of a port full of ships looks like it’s been taken from an unsuccessful computer game with unconvincing Windows 98 graphics (the water in particular looks atrocious). In fact the plot and action set pieces and horrible attempts at a historical setting all seem like ingredients from an out of date, bargain basement video game. There are even punch and kick sound effects ripped straight from cartoon archives.

Despite my partial defence of the actors earlier, the standout flaws of this film are their totally unbelievable performances. The worst offender is the plotting Queen and her lover as they fail to convey the passion of their secret affair. The majority of their scenes together seem like a disappointing porno with an inexplicable lack of flesh on show. Another potentially career devastating turn comes from lead Gary Stretch. His limp delivery of lines serves as the final nail in the coffin for The King Maker. Even a film so badly executed could have salvaged some likeability with a charismatic turn from the lead actor. Stretch merely drags things further into painful depths of disappointment and dismalness.

The King Maker was supposed to be a spectacular showcase of Thailand. It’s only the third Thai film to be made in the English language, and the first since 1941. There are some superb, beautiful locations occasionally visible in the background amongst the appalling action of the story. But they don’t deserve to be associated with the worst film I’ve seen this year and I suspect the favourite by a mile in the race for worst film of 2011.

Liam Trim (follow me on Twitter)


Movie Review Archive

Colin Farrell on pal Elizabeth Taylor: "I miss her"


Colin Farrell may have seemed like an unlikely guest at Elizabeth Taylor's funeral last week, but the Irish actor and the Hollywood icon were actually good pals.

"How did we become friends? You know, the old story of boy meets girl, and boy pesters girl with too many phone calls at inappropriate hours of the night," Farrell joked to "Access Hollywood." "I was just lucky enough to become her friend in the last year and a half. I adore her … still."

Taylor was also a big fan of Farrell. In an interview published in the March issue of Harper's Bazaar, the movie legend dished about today's crop of leading men. "I love Johnny Depp, and I love Colin Farrell — both brilliant, nuanced actors with great range," she said.

Farrell read the poem "The Leaden Echo and the Golden Echo" at Taylor's funeral and said he was "sad and honored" when a friend of the star called to ask him to be part of the service.

"It was a tricky poem as well," he noted. "Even in passing she had me under the thumb, sweating bricks! … I just miss her; I just miss her; I just miss her."

Hugh Jackman offers X-Men with Shah Rukh Khan


 The occasion was the closing ceremony of FICCI FRAMES 2011, which brought Bollywood's Shah Rukh Khan and Hollywood's Hugh Jackman together on the same platform.

Though Shah Rukh Khan's fan following is unmatchable, the Baadshah of Bollywood is a self confessed fan of Wolverine star Hugh Jackman. Talking about Hugh, Shah Rukh Khan said, "I have seen a lot of Hugh's films and also his work on TV. I loved Wolverine the most and during our discussion just a while back, Hugh offered me to be part of the next X-Men installment. I told him I am in. I would definitely love to do X-Men with him. Just as Shah Rukh Khan made that revelation, Hugh jumped in and said, "Well, Oh! I just asked you to finance the film." This was just one of the many light-hearted moments that electrified the crowd present at FICCI. 

Both the stars were a treat with their quick wit and amazing sense of humour. Though the two were just joking about the next X-Men film, we hope Shah Rukh Khan and Hugh give the idea of working together a serious thought!