DVD Review - Jean Claude Van Damme: Behind Closed Doors (2011)

Jean Claude Van Damme: Behind Closed Doors, 2011.

Directed by Jared White.
Starring Jean Claude Van Damme.
Narrated by Jason Flemyng.


SYNOPSIS:

A reality show giving unprecedented access into the life of action star Jean Claude Van Damme.


In the mid-80’s, a young, and buffedly (yes, I just invented that word!) goofy looking young Belgian, crossed paths with (somewhat) pioneering action movie producer Menahem Golan. At the time the action flick business was hitting full swing with the likes of Sly, Arnold, Chuck and Charles leading the pack. Jean Claude Van Damme entered the fray and roundhouse kicked his way firstly into the video market in a big way, then onto the big screen. Jean C has starred in many cult favourites amongst genre enthusiasts, in particular his breakout movie Bloodsport and then the likes of Kickboxer, Lionheart (AWOL), Double Impact, Universal Soldier, Timecop and Hard Target. Oh and Derailed of course, which was, I believe, nominated for six Oscars (it wasn’t really, just in case you fell for that). Van Damme has hit the headiest heights, and experienced a lot of lows. Like many in Hollywood he’s fallen into some of the pitfalls that come with such a glamorous lifestyle, notably drug addiction.

In Behind Closed Doors, Van Damme allows a film crew unhindered access to his life for 5 months, spanning from late 2010 to early 2011. He bares his soul here totally, much like he did in his critically acclaimed movie JCVD. Van Damme is a truly fascinating guy. A bipolar sufferer, Jean Claude’s temperament fluctuates wildly and this documentary illustrates this. His moods shift erratically from bouncingly happy with almost childish glee, to doom and gloom fits of anger and sadness. He’s a guy whose mind is an explosion of thoughts and ideas (okay that might seem hard to believe to some). He’s always analysing, be it himself, his surroundings or philosophical ponderings. Not only is he deeply thoughtful, but he’s also incredibly passionate at times. Notable is his love of dogs. Van Damme seems to have a genuine kinship with K-9 folk. Particularly he admires their ability to love, loyalty and their simplicity. It is with great passion as well as real distress that Van Damme also talks about the environment on several occasions during the filming. He feels as if the human race is irreversibly damaging the planet.

The main focus here is Van Damme the family man, and also his decision to step into the ring against a terrifyingly hard as nails Muay Thai kickboxing fighter, 12 years his junior. There’s not much structure during the shows, if only because there’s not too much structure in Van Damme’s life. It’s frantic and full on and he jet-sets like a mad-man. The idea of one time World Champ, Van Damme returning to the ring aged 50, 30 years after his last competitive bout, is interesting, if inconceivable. Some watching this doc, may be disappointed that the shows don’t build up to the actual fight as a finale. In fact it’s structureless nature means that each episode doesn’t require the one previous or following on. From episode one, right through to eight, this doesn’t build up to anything. It’s merely a chunk of Van Damme’s life.

Amongst pondering the nature of humanity and the environment, Van Damme is seen on movie sets, at fashion shows, at his doggy sanctuary, or at one of his many homes. He parties, he indulges, he pumps iron and above all…he cries. Boy does he cry! Jean Claude is quite the softy it seems. Highlights of the show include Van Damme beating up stunt guys during his film shoots, due to his want to use some contact in his choreographed smackdowns, or meeting his daughter’s boyfriend, or suffering a severe case of the grumps during a birthday party in his honour. Then there’s his struggle with self-funded personal film project, The Eagle Path, which JC feels is a failure. At times JC plays up for the cameras, but the show is really at its best when he’s at his most vulnerable and we get to see the real man. Certain moments in his life stay with him and haunt him, such as having to leave behind his favourite pets in his youth to move to America with nothing to become a star and returning to find they had died during and in part because of, his time away. It’s very poignant, as is his relationship with wife Gladys, who has been through the mill having been twice married to Van Damme following dark years apart in the mid 90’s because of his playing away and drug abuse. At times she acts like his mother, but there’s real heartfelt regret from Van Damme regarding his behaviour in the past towards Gladys, and he’s whole-heartedly grateful she’s with him.

As for the rest of the family, son Kristopher could easily be the missing Brady. He’s a cheesy young man indeed, but at the same time comes across as genuinely nice. Daughter Bianca seems to have led a somewhat sheltered life and both kids hold strong values, despite being a little bit detached from reality sometimes, only in the sense that they’ve grown up outside of the real world and in Jean Claude world. Regardless of that, they’ve been well raised by (one would assume, predominantly) Gladys. In addition many of Van Damme's personal friends appear, such as assistant Max, as well as long-time friend, writer/director Sheldon Lettich (Double Impact). Bolo Yeung also makes an appearance too, which for Bloodsport and Double Impact fans, is a treat.

The production of the show is fairly routine. Jason Flemyng provides an efficient commentary. Neither inspiring, nor overwhelming, he does the job as required. The writing isn’t great, nor is the propensity for repetition. The editing is by the numbers, while much like the commentary the material runs over familier ground too often. But on the whole, this does offer enough interesting insight into a genuinely fascinating individual. In comparison to Steven Seagal’s fly on the wall offering, Lawman, this show is far more interesting. It feels far more genuine and less put on than Seagal’s show, whilst there’s also a sense with Seagal that he’s got a constant guard up and a continual front. I never felt I’d seen enough of himself personally, where-as Van Damme is incredibly open and honest.

Fans will appreciate the insight into their hero, and perhaps his complexity. Though it’s not an earth shatteringly important documentary, and very much in the light entertainment field, casual viewers will possibly appreciate Van Damme’s emotional soul baring. Then again, as Van Damme himself states during the show, “People are gonna love me or hate me.” His constant mood and attitude shifts make for interesting viewing, but perhaps alienate some audience from standing in his corner. One second he’ll talk about how much he loves his wife, and the next he’s ogling models 25 years his junior. Or he’ll follow up a heartfelt discussion about the nature of man and the environment, by dancing like a clown in a club, drunk as a skunk. But like him or not, that’s Jean Claude Van Damme for you.

Tom Jolliffe

Movie Review Archive

DVD Review - Street Wars (2011)

Street Wars, 2011.

Directed by Keoni Waxman.
Starring Steven Seagal, Kyle Cassie & Peter Graham-Gaudreau.


SYNOPSIS:

Elijah Kane (Steven Seagal), the head of a crack undercover police unit, leads his team in a race against time to bring to justice the cold blooded gang flooding the Seattle streets with a lethal drug.


Steven Seagal has ventured from movies into the world of TV with varying success. Of late, big Papa has looked a little weary in his film outings. When once he snapped many a neck with aplomb and gusto, he now doesn’t seem to have much heart for the job in hand. Obliterating evil doers just doesn’t seem to fill Steve-o with the sense of pride and fulfilment that it used to. Seagal’s first foray into TV, was the reasonably successful fly on the wall docu, Lawman. The show, kind of like Cops, with Steven Seagal, followed the ponytailed Adonis (well, if you believe Seagal himself!) around during his shifts as a genuine member of the Sherrif’s department. It was a little put on, a little stagey, but then again, most reality shows these days are. But on a side note, would you want to get arrested by Steven Seagal? Certainly, if Out For Justice was anything to go by, resisting arrest would be a bad idea. Following Lawman, Seagal opted to portray a fictional detective as well in True Justice.

True Justice is pretty much your middle of the road cop show. It aspires to be something better than what it is, but sadly, is just a pale imitation of far, far better shows. Not a patch on high end shows such as 24, this delivers little more than perfunctory entertainment. Much like Seagal’s movie career has descended into low-rent his TV career, at least fictional, has started that way. It’s hardly a step up. Despite Seagal’s creative input as show creator and writer, his performance in the central role, is lacking in much enthusiasm. Or perhaps anything noticeable, but then again… this is Steven Seagal we’re talking about. The man has three facial expressions, all of which register some degree of quiet, seething contempt.

Street Wars, a feature length episode from the first series, sees Seagal on the trail of drug dealers and rogue DEA agents in part one of this paint by numbers thriller. At 90 minutes, and half a story, Street Wars drags and meanders its way through a lot of muddled plotting. The storytelling is dire, with little cohesion to speak of, nor intelligence or logic. As a film of its own Street Wars doesn’t really work, nor does it actually go anywhere before its abrupt end, which for a Seagal action film, is sorely lacking in a finale. This is a problem sometimes in releasing feature length TV episodes as stand-alone features, if they require a previous or subsequent instalment to make sense. In this regard especially, fans of Seagal, picking this up expecting a complete film, may be disappointed. Though in actuality, fans should be more disappointed with the lack of action.

The cast are all cardboard cut outs. A veritable collection of clichéd personalities, be it on Seagal’s unit, or the bad guys. Indeed, we never get properly introduced to the bad guy in Street Wars (who I believe is known as “Bald guy in car”). And as it transpires, he may in fact be working for a big boss above him, who we only hear by voice towards the end. It’s all very ambiguous. In part intentional, as of course it’s only half way into the story (though the cover art and DVD menu don’t actually let you know this). However, having not watched the series, for all I know this could be the end of the story anyhow. Mostly though, this is a poorly written mess, where narrative structure plays no part.

Seagal himself seems only a little more engaged than usual. His character, Elijah Kane though, comes across as unlikeable and unrealistic. He’s just too damn good and everyone else a little bit shit. Kane knows everything and needs to inject no effort into anything he does, including speaking. If there’s a trap set for him, he knows well in advance. If a building is booby trapped, he knows and can dismantle it with consummate ease. Okay, this may well be standard Seagal character traits, as is his invincibility in combat, but it’s tiresome to have someone so infallible. Hell, Kane can even effortlessly pull stunning women over 30 years his junior. It’s almost caricature, and his sage, wise characteristics as leader of the group, always seem unrealistic or lazy. The Elijah Kane big book of wisdom and sage advice, is a book not worth reading, I can assure you. Largely down to his character reeking of a pure Seagal ego trip. It borders on moronic how lazy the characterisation of the shows lead is.

As a fan of Seagal’s earlier, meat and potatoes work, it frustrates me seeing him in such low rent fare. The action is sparse, poorly conceived and flatly edited. Occasional orgasmic bursts of avid farting are jarring and out of place, while the poor attempt at CSI style gloss, just doesn’t work on Walmart budget. This isn’t the Seagal of old who conceived such brilliant set pieces as the bar fight in Out For Justice, or a three on one escape in Marked For Death. There’s no rhythm nor imagination, nor gritty reality to the action, nor any visual punch due to very tight filming and frantic editing, making the action (and no doubt Seagal’s doubles) indiscernible. Sadly, I can’t recommend this, even to the undemanding of genre fans. For a better example in Seagal’s recent history, check Pistol Whipped. Otherwise stick to his golden period of Under Siege and before.

Tom Jolliffe

Movie Review Archive

DVD Review - Barbarossa: Siege Lord (2009)

Barbarossa: Siege Lord a.k.a. Sword of War, 2009.

Directed by Renzo Martinelli.
Starring Rutger Hauer, Raz Degan and F. Murray Abraham.


SYNOPSIS:

In Northern Italy, the Germanic Emperor Frederick Barbarossa (Rutger Hauer) plans to capture the regions of the South and Centre to recreate the empire, leading to deadly clashes between the people of the land as they fight for independence and social status.


Italian cinema, with great regularity, seem to produce a lot of historically themed TV movies. Normally fairly cheap, but with enough polish not to look too cheap, these always feel fairly consistent in their delivery. Historical accuracy, not that I’m a history buff, is perhaps not as stringent as it could be. Barbarossa is yet another of these TV history specials. Perhaps part education, part entertainment, and in no small measure, part Gladiator wannabe. Gladiator is a recent benchmark of the historical epic, and followers aspire to be like it, and tick all the epic boxes, from melodrama, searing glares, and strange faux-British accents. Oh and lots of shouting and rousing speeches of course. So as far as this goes, Barbarossa does everything expected of its genre.

Does anything mark it out as different? Well not really. The story centre’s on 12th century German general, Barbarossa whose vast empire comes up against the Milanese it defeated, who retaliate under their new guise, the Company Of Death. In respect of the central character, Barbarossa is interesting. He’s not outright evil, and has in view an empire of piece, albeit under his tight control. He’s still a vicious when needed however. But aside, this is nothing you haven’t seen before, under a different title.

The cast is good. Rutger Hauer makes a compelling Barbarossa. Hauer is generally very reliable. While this isn’t him at his electrifying best, he offers enough complexity to his part, to leave a lasting impression. As lead of the uprising and kind of protagonist, Raz Degan (Alberto) is okay. A problem, which is a commonality amongst these Italian TV movies, is that he’s an Italian actor, who’s been dubbed over for the English language version. Visually he stares wistfully with aplomb, but never really engages, and of course the mis-match between his face, look, and the accent coming out. Elsewhere, Kasia Smutniak shines as Degan’s love interest, a suspected Witch.

Letting the side down though, is one time Oscar-winner, F. Murray Abraham. Truly, his performance here, is the epitome of ham! He’s horrendously bad, chewing scenery like a ravenous bear let loose on a juicy T-bone steak. Given how incredible his performance was in Amadeus, it’s remarkable how his career since has panned out. Abraham makes regular appearances in these Italian movies, recently turning up in The Inquiry (featuring also Max Von Sydow and Dolph Lundgren). He was just as bad in that. Of course the classic moment for any ham is a good death scene, and Abraham effectively has two death scenes here to drench in the ripest, most mature of stinky cheese!

The battle scenes are pretty formulaic. Once again in the vein of Gladiator, with also an added dash of 300 style slo-mo histrionics. Though the budget can’t allow for a set piece of massive scale, it’s often a fault of big budget epics to fall back on such luxuries. The more contained action here, actually works fairly well, despite moments when more money and a better stunt unit, could have got more from the production.

Technically the film is well shot, well lit and well edited. Sound wise, the mix is a little slip-shod. Many sounds feel as if rattled off some old generic collection somewhere. There’s no real depth to the sound mix either. It all seems quite simplistic. The score is okay, but again, like much of the film, simply aspires to something better.

Overall, Barbarossa is passable. For what it delivers, it’s run time is too long, but at the same time, in this genre, all budgets considered, there have been far worse. It manages to hit it’s target every now and again, and moments in the film are genuinely interesting, but just as often it misses the target, or drags in places. History buffs may appreciate the subject matter, if they can overlook the fantastical elements in the film (such as soothsaying) and any inaccuracies. But aside there’s little to write home about.

Tom Jolliffe

Movie Review Archive

DVD Review - Fists of Rage (2006)

Fists of Rage a.k.a. Honor, 2006.

Directed by David Worth.
Starring Jason Barry, Russell Wong, Roddy Piper and Linda Park.


SYNOPSIS:

Two street warriors come to understand that not every battle is fought for money or power.


Familiarity can be a good thing. An old pair of trainers that fit smoothly and snugly to your cheese hooves, and feel as if at one with your flesh. It’s comfortable, it’s nice, and it’s safe. Trouble is, familiarity also breeds boredom. Those trainers now look dull, lifeless, and ready for the dustbin. They smell a bit too much. Fists of Rage isn’t the safe old pair of trainers you still love, and want to wear again and again. Fists of Rage is the whiffy pair, with holes in the lining, worn laces and a colour that’s turned from fresh white, to baby sick over the course of a few hundred jogs round the park. Fists follows standard fighting film formula, never doing anything new, nor never really tapping into the audiences sense of nostalgia and comfort.

Former neighbourhood friends, Gabriel and Ray have been apart since their late teens. Since that time, Ray, has become a drug lord and runs the town, whilst Gabriel has been serving in the military. When Gabriel returns, Ray wants him to join him and fight for him, because of course, Gabe is the best of the best when it comes to kicking ass and taking names. Gabriel refuses, putting his friends and family at risk. And… yep, right up until the inevitable showdown. This is standard fare, under the direction of David Worth, who is best known as the cinematographer of Van Damme’s Bloodsport and as director of Van Damme’s Kickboxer. When it comes to standard fighting films, he should know his stuff and deliver the goods. Unfortunately not.

The major problem is the lack of any decent action. The fights are uninspired, and the direction, editing and sound all lacklustre, meaning the punch has no punch! Worse still, leading man Jason Barry (Gabriel) is heavily doubled throughout. What has happened here, is the one break away from routine for this film, was to hire an “actor” as opposed to a martial artist. Now this is a fight film, so ideally, the leading man should be doing the fighting himself. It would make filming them easier, without the need to try to hide a double. The casting decision is also made more ponderous by Barry’s rote performance. It’s totally one note to say the least. He’s given little to do besides scowl his way through the movie like a moody adolescent. It shouldn’t be called Fists of Rage, it should be called Fists of Sullenness, or better yet, Fists of Irritable Bowel Syndrome!

Elsewhere the cast is okay. Russell Wong makes a serviceable bad guy, though his role is painfully generic, as are most of his performance quirks. He reels off a whole host of bad guy cliches. Everything from stance, holding of gun, the way he sniffs aggressively before saying something threatening, to the tried and tested “really mean stare.” Roddy Piper tries his best to elevate his scenes. He’s actually pretty good here, and Piper in fairness has some charisma on screen. Best shown in They Live of course, but Roddy has been a little unfortunate to have stayed persistently within the B, C movie categories. He’s not too bad an actor on his day. Certainly he’s the best actor on display in this by some distance.

In actuality, this film was released five years ago in the States, with a different title (Honor), but has only just made it’s merry way UK side. It comes as little surprise it’s not come over here at breakneck speed though, the film is utterly forgettable, and surprisingly lacklustre given the experience of its director. We’re not talking Spielberg here, but David Worth should be able to deliver something more entertaining than this, whilst if he did have a say in casting, should have got a more suitable leading man. The action scenes aren’t entirely terrible, and this might appease the more undemanding genre fans, but on the whole, it’ll probably disappoint. It is out of date as it is, and just looks very shop worn indeed. Not really one to recommend sadly. Take your fists of rage to the oldies section and hire out Bloodsport or Kickboxer instead.

Tom Jolliffe

Movie Review Archive

DVD Review - Operation: Endgame (2010)

Operation: Endgame a.k.a. Rogues Gallery, 2010.

Directed by Fouad Mikati.
Starring Joe Anderson, Rob Corddry, Ellen Barkin, Odette Yustman, Maggie Q, Zach Galifianakis, Adam Scott, Brandon T. Jackson, Emilie de Ravin, Bob Odenkirk, Ving Rhames and Jeffrey Tambor.


SYNOPSIS:

In a secret underground facility a rogue agent kills the boss of an elite government spy agency, leading two competing teams of assassins to form a fragile alliance in order to escape the lockdown.


Sometimes a film can’t quite decide what kind of film it wants to be. Inevitably when this happens, said film is a mess. Caught between genres, missing points, lacking a clear and concise vision, and directionless. Operation: Endgame is just such a film, and a film that inspires no real response of any kind from the viewer. It’s not terrible enough to inspire vitriol, bad enough to raise an ironic chuckle, nor nearly good enough to even aspire to minimal satisfaction. It’s a film that leaves the viewer cold.

When the head of two rival spy teams is assassinated in their underground base of operations, the two teams must band together to find an escape, with the base set to self destruct. Of course not everyone is who they appear to be, while the fragile bond between teams Alpha and Omega soon breaks, and the rivalries begin to show themselves. Aspiring to be “like” a number of films, Endgame ends up as nothing more than a hodge-podge piecing together of bad imitations of the likes of Tarantino, the Bourne films, Apatow brand comedy banter, and a visual style that’s MTV and also 10 years out of date.

The casting in Endgame looks good on paper. Lead Joe Anderson is dull and uninteresting. Part writing, part performance. The supporting cast though under normal circumstances should have impressed. Rob Corddry, Zach Galifianakis, Adam Scott, Ving Rhames, Maggie Q, Brandon T. Jackson and Ellen Barkin, plus a further host of recognisable faces, mostly from the modern comedy film circuit. So this film is a comedy right? Kind of. Again, this is where the hodge podge comes into question. The film can’t decide between being cookie indie film, zipping dialogue comedy, balls out action film, or bourne-esque spy film. Every element falls short, and the cast as such, because of the horrible script and lack of direction, are completely wasted. With guys like Corddry it should be funny, but every attempt at incidental humour, and witty dialogue falls desperately flat. Corddry tries in desperation to wring out laughs (with a bad version of Tom Cruise‘s Tropic Thunder rantings), but fails. He’s given little to work with, and his character has a darker edge than his normal schtick. The “comedy” resorts to little more than saying “fuck” quite a lot, in the vein hope that, the immature part of every audience member’s brain, still finds it funny. However, the lack of genuine creativity, and sheer derivative nature of the comedy, makes this painfully unfunny at times. A few gags find their mark, but not being an all out comedy, the film is not scattershot enough in its approach, and it’s success rate is not nearly high enough. For everyone else, it’s the same as for Corddry, they just can’t elevate this, and have nothing to work with. Either that, or in the case of Ving Rhames and Jeffrey Tambor for example, they phone in a generic Rhames and Tambor performance respectively.

The action is also poor. Again, the visual style is ridiculously out of date. The film also looks extremely cheap. The supposed underground spy base is supposed to be something akin to a Bond villains fortress. Instead, it just looks like an office at the weekend, mixed with a warehouse after closing. As such there’s little scope for decent set pieces. This is not helped by the shaking camera and hyperactive cutting, that’s both a poor stylistic choice, and a poor attempt at masking unimaginative choreography and uninspired stunt work. Director Fouad Mikati’s style would seem to put him into the category of “hip” director, but he’s poor here. No vision, no coherence, and in terms of inspiring his actors, he gets nothing of any note from anyone.

Given the films cast, you have to assume that it was intended for the big screen. A film with such a cast could easily have been marketable on the big screen, had it played to the strengths of the cast, and had an idea with at least some clarity. However it’s straight to video tag suggest something of a mishap. A blotch on the CV of most involved. That would very much appear to be the case here. The lack of a solid spine of a clear and concise plot is the films biggest drawback. There’s no point, no sense and no reason for anything. Ultimately, this will be quickly forgotten, whilst those viewing the film on the back of its casting will be sadly disappointed. There is very little to recommend here. Much like casting Woody Allen as Mike Tyson, this does not play to its strengths. Branching out is all well and good, but when that fails so spectacularly, the desire for seeing the tried and tested formula, the pair of old trainers, is all the stronger.

Tom Jolliffe

Movie Review Archive

DVD Review - The Hole (2009)

The Hole, 2009.



Directed by Joe Dante.

Starring Chris Massoglia, Haley Bennett, Nathan Gamble, Teri Polo and Bruce Dern.





SYNOPSIS:



Two brothers discover a mysterious hole in the basement of their new home that forces them to confront their darkest fears.





In the vein of 80’s kids horrors such as Gremlins, The Hole (from Gremlins helmer himself, Joe Dante) embraces some old fashioned sensibilities, combined with the new fangled 3D obsession (though of course there was brief surge in 3D, during the 80’s) to deliver something that feels a bit old school. It’s not flashy, and it’s not edited within an inch of its life in a hyperactive blur of sugar rushed avid carnage. Its target audience are young, but are at least given the credit to have to concentrate for the films duration. Not that the plot is anything particularly taxing, or indeed remotely original.



Brothers Dane (Chris Massoglia) and Lucas (Nathan Gamble) move into their new home. Moving is something of a regular occurrence, as single mother Susan (Teri Polo) tries to keep her children as well hidden from their abusive and imprisoned father as possible. Anytime he gets wind of their location, she moves them on. Dane resents the constant moving, and is your typical late teen, grumpy male. Its cardboard cut-out characters all the way here in all honesty. All carefully snipped from the big book of character clichés! The film takes little time in introducing us to the hole itself. The boys find it in their basement, and their attractive young female neighbour Julie (Haley Bennett), who Dane fancies the pants off of course, also gets involved. The hole appears bottomless, but as the film progresses, it appears that it’s not nothingness in there, and something (or some things) escape the hole. Okay, so it’s no surprise really, but as it transpires, the hole brings forth the deepest fears for those who have looked inside it. In Lucas case it’s a fear of clowns (I don’t blame him, have you seen IT!?) and in Haley’s case it’s a repressed guilt over the death of a childhood friend. So in some sense the film mirrors Flatliners, just without the flat-lining… or Keifer Sutherland (or Kevin Bacon’s hair, sadly!). More dramatically, and more prominently, Dane, who spends the first two thirds of the film claiming he’s not scared of anything, is confronted by a nightmarish version of his father, who snatches Lucas and takes him into the hole. Dane must confront his fears head on to save his brother.



So the plot is relatively simple, but to the film’s credit, it doesn’t spend too much needless running time on establishing the new area, or needless character points for the boys. We get to the business of the hole pretty quickly. Negatively though, the film doesn’t have enough material in any case, to sustain its run-time. In truth, before the finale, not a lot actually happens. The finale itself seems like an afterthought that serves little more purpose than to make the most out of the 3D part (though to be noted, I saw the 2D version, so cannot vouch for the standard of said 3D). But there’s plenty of impressive CGI that comes to the fore, having until that point, been predominantly a film reliant on atmosphere and practical effects.



The cast aren’t too bad but not good enough to elevate proceedings. Massoglia hasn’t been hired for his acting ability it must be said. He’s tween girl eye candy and not much else. To everyone else he’s pretty wooden and lacking in leading man presence. Not that I’m a fan by any means, but Zac Efron for example, has some charisma and a bit of star power. Massoglia is unfortunately a cheap imitation, and in some regards, a stronger lead could have carried this film better. Gamble and Bennett as brother and love interest respectively, are both okay. Elsewhere, Teri Polo delivers a standard single mum performance, straight from the textbook pages. Bruce Dern appears briefly in a typical crazy eyed, Bruce Dern performance, but it’s all too brief, and additionally, you kind of sense they probably couldn’t get Christopher Lloyd and settled for the numero 2 crazy eyed, mad bastard 80‘s guy.



Technically this is all well made. Joe Dante knows this type of genre inside out. The film doesn’t take itself too seriously either, which is good. Nor as mentioned earlier, does it resort to seizure inducing editing. Unlike a lot of 3D films it’s not lazy. Dante and company have remembered that there needs to be a decent film behind all the 3D pizzazz. It feels like there’s been an effort made, even though it doesn’t particularly deliver.



Overall, The Hole is a serviceable film that will, at least to fans of 80’s classics, invoke memories of superior movies. There may be added enjoyment seeing this film in 3D on the big screen, though this appears to have slipped under the radar somewhat, and is still awaiting its North American release as of Jan 2011. But needless to say, there have been far worse films aimed at the targeted audience, and under Dante’s control, the film never becomes tiresome, or irksome.

Tom Jolliffe



Movie Review Archive



The Hole is released on DVD and Blu-ray on January 17th.

DVD Review - Circle of Pain (2010)

Circle of Pain, 2010.

Directed by Daniel Zirilli.
Starring Tony Schiena, Dean Cain, Bai Ling, Heath Herring and Kimbo Slice.


SYNOPSIS:

When a friendly sparring session between an MMA champion and his best buddy goes horribly wrong, a ruthless promoter discovers a golden opportunity to set up a lucrative ‘dream clash’ between him and the fearsome new and undefeated title holder.


As something of an expert in action movies of all levels, I took up the challenge to watch and review Circle of Pain. My first impressions looking at the artwork, were that this would involve fighting and pain. True, and true! I was also under the impression that Kimbo Slice would be the star of the film as he takes centre stage on the cover. However by the time the credits were rolling, Kimbo, who for those who don’t know, is a UFC fighter, had appeared briefly in two scenes. Now you kind of get how little the remainder of the cast are as a selling point for the movie. That may well be harsh on poor old Dean Cain (Superman in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman) who appears in a fairly significant role.

So I plopped in the disc, pretty much knowing what to expect, having seen a vast array of fight based films, from Bloodsport, to eight (yes eight) Bloodfist films. Believe me, when it comes to action films, I’ve taken some punishment, and I’ve done my time. Why? I have no idea! But I’ve seen more Don “The Dragon” Wilson films than any man really should. Circle Of Pain follows a classic formula. Once great fighting champ, who disappeared from the game because of a tragic incident, is called back in for another fight, against the current big dog of the circuit. It’s kind of Rocky Balboa, but with Kimbo Slice (sorry, I just like typing Kimbo Slice, because it’s a brilliant name!) appearing briefly to start a fight with the lead. Of course there’s blackmail to force the reluctant fighter back in, and then we also have obligatory training scenes. Sadly in Circle Of Pain there’s not a torture device in sight, or any bamboo, or even a shot of an eagle who somehow shares a spiritual connection with the lead. It’s all rather uninspiring. The film has no momentum and never really knows how to get from A-B.

Now it is quite clear, that I didn’t think too much of Circle Of Pain. It’s pretty awful. I’ve watched films as bad, some worse, that I actually enjoyed though. The biggest problem is the lead, Tony Schiena. For a time in the late 80’s, and early 90’s, with the dawn of video, any one with a black belt and/or six pack, could become an action star it seemed. To follow in the wake of Van Damme, Seagal and Norris, there were a vast array of kickboxing stars, such as Michael Dudikoff, Don “The Dragon” Wilson, Olivier Gruner, Billy Blanks, Gary Daniels, Lorenzo Lamas, Mark Dacascos, Jeff Speakman and Jeff Wincott. Most of these guys were horrible actors true, and often charisma voids as well. However they all had fairly lengthy careers in the video market. Why? Granted there was more demand back then for these kind of films, but also they all had a certain star power with them. Yes I have just said that Jeff Wincott had star power! I don’t care! But he kind of did. Had he not, he would never have done so many action films as a leading man, including a few sequels. Say what you will about Don Wilson as a thespian, but the guy had enough viewers to warrant eight Bloodfist films, two Cybertracker films and two Ring Of Fire films. Tony Schiena however, may well be one of the dullest action men I’ve ever seen. It’s harder to launch yourself these days in comparison to the early 90’s, true, but this guy I’m pretty sure will never have a fan base to sustain himself as a leading action man. He appeared alongside Van Damme in Wake Of Death, and in a supporting role, he wasn’t too bad. I then spotted him in a film, his first leading role, called The Number One Girl, which was even worse than this. It was that film I new for sure, he’d not become the new Lorenzo Lamas (I love name checking B-movie video action stars!). In fact whilst watching this film with my brother we both decided that Tony Schiena is the poor mans Jeff Wincott. Circle of Pain is the first action lead role he’s had since his previous, five years ago.

The remainder of the cast do little to inspire. Dean Cain is okay, but perhaps made to look a lot better than he is due to the other supporting players. He’s got little in the way of character though, playing Wyatt, the best friend of Dalton (Schiena), wheelchair bound after a sparring session between the two got out of hand. Question: Is there anything Ling Bai won’t appear in? This lady is totally fucknuts, and will do appear in as wide a budget range as you can think of. Not only that, despite this film being so pointless and low rent, she still finds time to get her kit off, so it would appear it doesn’t cost much to get Ling Bai out of her clothes. Needless to say she’s terrible in this, though because she’s well known for being nuttier than a squirrel turd in real life, there’s something strangely compelling about her performance at the same time. The antagonist of the piece is played by another UFC fighter, Heath Herring, who though bad, at least managers to come across as a mean S.O.B.

The fight scenes are also disappointing. The trouble is they look slow, cumbersome and rehearsed. This isn’t always a terrible thing in a fight film when it comes to standard Kickboxer style fights. But they’ve gone for UFC style fighting here and there’s none of the blood and thunder, nor intensity of being in the circle of pain. There’s no energy in the fights, and that’s not helped in the slightest by dire editing and poor sound. Films like this normally live or die by their fight scenes. Even if they are completely terrible, there’s something comical to be taken from that. Many a Don the Dragon film has been so bad it’s funny. This film is just plain old, mind numbingly, bad!

All in all, Circle Of Pain isn’t a film to recommend. Not even for die hard action fans, nor even MMA fans. Beer fuelled enjoyment of this piece isn’t even an option for a lads night in. It won’t excite or even (unintentionally) amuse. With a total lack of star power, excitement and originality, this is a rather pointless use of film. Go watch Bloodfist 2 instead.

Tom Jolliffe

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