The Stigma of First Date Sex...

Let's be honest...it's 2011 and the majority of us have indulged in a sex on the first night before. We may not be proud of it or even admit to it, but it has happened. My only question is, does it still have the same stigma it's had in the past? Do people still consider females who have sex the first time they chill with a guy a 'hoe'? And do women still view men that try to have sex after only hanging out once a 'player'?

Now screwing everyone on the first night, that's a little bit of a problem...but is it so wrong to have such a strong physical attraction to someone that you take it a step further after just one date?  I think it's more of a generational thing though.  All of the older people I know make it seem like it's a terrible thing, while people in my generation view it as simply acting on an attraction.

What makes it more than what it is, is the way most women feel after they've had sex with a guy after barely knowing him. They start getting into- what if people find out? Does he think I'm a hoe? Is that all he wanted?  Granted, there are some men that make women feel comfortable enough to have sex with them and then disappear, but some men are just genuinely as attracted to you as you are to them.

It's all about making a conscious decision that it's something you want to do.  If you're doing it with hesitance, or because you just think it's what the other person wants, then maybe you should decide against it because all you will have is regret.  But if it's something that you're doing because you want to, then there is no way that you can regret it afterwards.

It happens everyday, but are people still putting that stigma behind it that it makes you lose value? Or a hoe? Or easy? Or a player?

Do any of my readers have a current, healthy relationship that stemmed from sex on the first night?

Sex vs. Fucking vs. Making Love

yes! another favorite subject of mine...
i'm about to break down MY definitions of the three...
feel free to disagree, i could care less (lol...jk)...
if you do disagree, let me know your definiton(s)

Sex: just plain, simple intercourse. pumping in and out of your partner to reach an orgasm, or to 'cum'. no real emotions, pretty much just the act itself.

Fucking: (innocent smile) to me, this is where all the raw emotion you feel towards your mate comes out. the hair pulling, ass slapping, nasty talking, raunchy, biting, lip sucking, just plain dirty ass sex!!! take note that the word 'sex' is used in the definition because this is a form of sex! this is when no discussion is needed, when you and your partner can just look at each other and start ripping off clothes. no props needed (unless of course its a sex toy), no real words needed (unless they are filthy), and for this type of sex, i think there's more eye contact...not on a lovey dovey level...but more of a "im gonna fuck the shit out of you until you have multiple orgasms that ripple through your body" level :)

Making Love: awwwww...now this is your sweet, romantic sex that you take time out for to please your mate mentally, physically and emotionally all at once (which often times makes it the best type of orgasm for a woman). Props are used in this type of sex such as candles, bubble baths, massage oils, "smell goods", music, etc, etc. often times, this is the sex that brings a woman to tears (sometimes even a guy hehehe) but yeah, this is the type of sex that lets you know you're actually in a serious relationship bc most guys, or even females, dont go all out like this for just anybody.


well, those are MY definitions...what are yours???

and out of all three, i must say, that with my man...i prefer the fucking AND making love. either one can be done at will because there is passion and love that NEVER EVER leaves our relationship.

which of the three do you prefer??

Foolin' Us With Trickery

so, a topic came up between my homegirls and myself. we were disussing males in general...and then we got to the topic of having sex with someone for the first time. somewhere within that convo a friend bought up the fact that alot of males do this crazy switch up after they "reach their goal", for lack of a better term.
Its a wide spread epidemic...the guy who is extremely sweet and flattering and does and says whatever he needs to say to get in them draws!!! You get phone calls, texts, chill, spend time, go out, crack jokes...all so that these guys can "reach their goal".

Finally one day...you let your guard down. So here you are, sitting there next to each other knowing what is about to go down and fully aware of what you're about to do. Everything starts off normally and then things get a little hot & heavy. You're not thinking anything of it because you've made this guy wait months to even smell your scent & he still stuck around...so why would he change up now...right? riiiiiiiight. What was supposed to happen...happens and you head home with the inevitable thought of...
what now?

then...
things gradually start changing...

the same guy that used to go out of his way to speak or say something sweet...suddenly stops hitting you up. all the extra things that used to be done are now a thing of the past. the "nice guy" quickly becomes the "bad guy".

let me insert these very important words in this paragraph...i am a firm believer that MOST women, if not all, can get dick from anywhere. Excuse my bluntness in that statement but i didn't know how else to put that because if you're a female who has a pussy and showers daily...then you're good as far as finding a dude to sleep with. I'm NOT saying go sleep with any and every guy...just supporting a statement with facts.

So, what is it about pussy that makes guys fall back after the fact? I'm thinking that if a guy waits that long for sex, he'd want it more than once. That switch turns females off (or maybe thats just me).

Personally, i'm more appreciative of honesty. If you're just trying to have sex, say that...not saying it will happen but at least there would be no lies, assumptions or miscommunications. Im all for the thrill of the chase...but why do all that when all you want is ass? There are plenty of "ladies" willing to give ass up quickly (& they make themselves know most of the time)...

I guess our real question was why do guys give off the appearance of actual interest when it is really about sex. Especially if we as females bring up the fact that they dont feel like dealing with the dude who's only around for ass. Especially if we as females show a general interest in the guy. There are females who put themselves out there as a "sex toy"...why not do this with them and leave the girls who want more than sex to the guys who want more than sex?

Just some thoughts that my girls and i had...another thing that made us go hmmmm lol

What do you think???

Let's Talk About Sex...FINALLY!!!

I'm gonna make this pretty short and sweet...

i'm NEVER one to just go around tooting my own horn...

(well maybe just one toot here and there)...

but i am a female who enjoys and is very passionate about sex...

being things way brings up alot of questions about sex that i would like answered...

it's just that no one ever really keeps it real about sex anymore :-\

so i'm hoping i can ask these questions on here...

and someone can clarify a few things for me...

because i do NOT believe in this thing called "bad sex"...

so i'm just trying to figure some things out real quick..............

I've had so many female friends dissatisfied with their mate and come back with SO many stories about what went wrong. Same thing with my male friends. Then, on the flip side, i've heard both sexes come back with stories about how spectacular the sex was and...what went right. lol

I've heard guys say they hated the sex because all the girl did was lay there. And I've heard females say the same. I myself find it hard to have sex of any sort if there is no kissing involved. Makes me feel very seperated from the actual act, like there's no passion involved. And one thing i refuse to be lacking during sex................is passion. Makes it all so drab and boring.

If i reeeeeallly got into what i liked about sex...it would look something like this. I like a man who likes being in a poition of power in the bedroom. He knows exactly how to initiate things with me and exactly how to end things. Someone who has that power but also enjoys when i take over and do what i do. A man who pulls hair, bites, grabs, throws...all that. A man that knows his way around a females body WITHOUT directions and doesnt expect anything he doesnt give in the bedroom. Smoking also greeeatly inhances any sexual experience i have because my body is in a sensitive state after i smoke. drinking is ok, but sex while being toooo drunk gets sloppy and too much to deal with. I like unspoken communication. To be able to look at my partner and know what to do without a word being uttered. I like when a guy can be rough but not be trying to destroy my insides at the same time. Someone who could look at me and make me feel wanted...and at the same time look at me and know that they are wanted just as much.

I'm pretty much saying that i like passion in the bedroom. That is what turns me on and what keeps me coming back (if i come back). I know it's not the same for everyone though so i want to hear other opinions.

What makes someone your "best "partner? Is it some type of connection you have to have for sex to be good? And if your sex is just good and you know what you're doing...then how can sex be bad with....anyone?

What turns guys on during sex? What specific things do men like done to them? Or what things do men like about sex period? Is there a certain way that you want your partner to be sexually? What type of sexual personality do you have? Does it matter of the sex is good or not? Are females vaginas really that different? What makes one better than another?

What turns females on during sex? What things have to happen in the bedroom (or bathroom, livingroom, club, whatever...) for sex to be good for you? What things do you specifically like about sex? What makes it "good" or "bad" or "memorable" even? What should a woman/man NOT do in the bedroom? What makes you "go back for more"??

Well, so much for short and sweet