Dear 2008 (written by Miss Sophisticated)

Dear 2008,

I know you gonna miss me. We been through some rough times but yet I'm glad I made it out alive. And as the saying goes, all things must come to an end. So this is my farewell letter to you. But just like my co-writer said, first & foremost I have to give praises to my Father up above. If it wasn't for Him, I wouldn't have been able to experience this journey with you 08.

I don't understand why I went through some of the shit I've been through with you 08 & to be honest, I have a major problem with it. We got beef 08, major beef. But let me break it down to you, just in case u forgot some things & missed a few details... So pay attention.

I brought in my 2008 with my sister from another mother, Ms. Simpson & boy was it an interesting night. Now I'm glad I bought it in with someone I consider to be family BUT deep down inside, I really had other plans in mind. I was SUPPOSED to bring you in with the person I was dating at the time but it seems as though work was much more important than me in his eyes. And I personally believe that is why my year has been down the drain.

From school bullshit to relationship problems, I seem to be more stressed out in 08 than ever b4. Why did you have to be this way towards me 08? I really didnt deserve this... Now it has me skeptical about my 09 and I hate for you to be the cause for me to have these feelings towards my future.

Only good thing I can say that came out of this year is meeting the love of my life. Gosh, I don't know what I'd do without him. But yet, there's some things that I've done in our relationship that has me at the point of thinkin "why is this happening to me?" "what have I done to deserve this?" These are questions I have to ask you mr. 2008 cuz I swear I've never experienced shit like this. I'm not gonna go into specific details because you know what pain you've caused me from the time he's came into my life. I just need to get ahold of this. Wish you can help me understand this cause I'm leaving you 08 & going into another year confused as hell. But I must say, after all the shit we've been through, I have not once regret getting that sweet message on my myspace and then falling in love with him... Not now, not EVER.

Another thing (which seems to be a continuous thing every year), is me trying to finish my education. And I have to say to you 08 that you took this financial aid stuff to a whole different level. Like I don't understand how extra funds that I had no knowledge of come out of NOWHERE... But I cant come down on you too much 08 because this has been an continuous thing since I've started school...

Its a lot more that has gone down in 08 that I can say has made me a better person. Gotta learn from mistakes & keep moving forward. So I do wanna thank you 08 for showing me that I can make it out of any situation. So although you put me through hell 08, I'm not gonna end this letter on a bad note. I'm taking on new strengths into the new year. Leaving all the nonsense & drama behind with you 08 and bringing in new beginnings for 2009.

So Listen here 2008 baby, I just believe it's the right thing to do
I got a brand new bitch, the year 2009, She showing me a lot of action right now
And I know you put me on my feet and all,
but I mean, it's time for me to grow
You gotta let me go baby, you gotta let me go
I'm done for now,
so one for now
Possibly forever,
we had fun together
But like all good things, we must come to an end
Please show the same love to my friends
Dear 2008


Sincerely,
Miss Sophisticated

Dear 2008 (written by Ms Simpson)

Dear 2008,



Before i even begin this letter (and this may seem selfish because i'm writing to you 08) but i HAVE to thank GOD for waking me up everyday of this year that is about to pass. You were good to me 08, but i wouldn't have seen any of you without the man upstairs.

When i first sat down to write to you, i wasn't sure where to start because this year has had SO many ups and downs, that i thought it may be impossible to even fit it all in one letter. I'm going to do the best i can to let you know what issues and excitements that you brought me in this year, hopefully none of it offends you 08.



Coming out of 07, i actually had NO idea how my year would turn out. I came out of 07 in school, with a job, with loving family and friends, and with a man whom i loved/love dearly. I was always told to end my year the way i wanted it to start for the next one, and this advice wasn't too far fetched. My year ended with me kissing the lips of the man that i love more than anything, Cory Buckley. Surrounding that kiss though, was drama, drama, drama!!! (oh, and more drama). So because i ended 07 with the man i love and surrounded by drama...i believe THAT is the sole reason that my year, yes you 08, turned out the way it did. I stayed right by this man's side...and yes, there was oodles and oodles of drama to fill the year up! No, i'm not blaming him for the drama, although he was some of the cause, i'm just saying that the way you end your year, may truly be how you spend the next one (but thats just a rumor i've heard lol)



Let me see, i have some bones to pick with you 08. I went through some pretty rough times throughout this year. I was kicked out my house, felt like the world was against me at one point and was a participant and innocent bystander to all different types of drama!! How could you let this happen 08? How could you allow my life to go downhill in so many ways?? There were days i felt like i just wouldnt be able to take it anymore, like the world may be a better place without me...you know? I dont blame you 08 but damn...why couldnt you hold me down a little bit stronger than that?? I went through my fair share of heart ache...made some terrible decisions and even had my whole family against me at one point. I just dont understand why things happened this way 08!

On the flip side though, i cant beat you up too much...you did hold me down VERY much this year also! If anyone knew me well before this year, then they can tell you that i have changed and become such a better person. I'm doing things i never used to do. I used to fear change and didn't think it would help me progress, only make me...different. I'm not different though, i am the same person i have ALWAYS been, just a new and improved version. A version that i love!! I've matured, i've become a better thinker, i've made much better decisions and i've become much more focused onmy goals and what is important to me. To say i am proud of myself is an understatement because despite what else has gone on around me, i found ways to not let it effect me in a negative way...and turned most things into positives!! Some people may have already reached this level in their lives 08...but for me, its something new...and definitely not something i will ever take advantage of.

My strength...physical, mental and emotional...has become SO much stronger. I am able to handle situations that i couldn't before. If you are a close friend, then you know i am a bit emoitonal. I have found ways to not be so dependant on emotions and to think things through more than i have in the past. Growth feels good and best believe it made me that much sexier hehehehe.

As far as school 08, yes...i am STILL in school, which pisses me off more than anyone can even imagine but i am confident that God has this in His plans and there is a reason for it. I dont blame anyone else, not even you 08 because my mistakes were made in the past before i even met you. 08, you're actually the reason i got my shit together! i havent gotten anything below a B- since i've met you and i thank you for giving me the inspiration to do that! I plan to continue doing what i need to because the road is almost at its end! I'm waiting IMpatiently to see my family member's faces when i get that diplomat handed to me!!! It will be one of the happiest days of my life...real talk.

As far as work 08...i LOVE my damn job. HELL NO, i dont like serving people...hellll nO!!!but i do love my co-workers and how much fun i have whenever i work. Staff holiday party was...interesting. Thank God everyday for blessing me with a family that knows the importance of "code switching" and not every aspect of their lives was revolved around some hood shit...smdh. Pays to be able to switch your speech in certain environments and situations...a lesson i will teach my kids!

08, i would especially like to thank you for bringing me closer to my family! Granted, i also had some rough times with them but in the end, it all worked out and they still love me and hol dme down like no other! i couldnt have asked for a better family. Congrats on my sis being engaged also...08 made her happy with that one, you sneaky devil you! lmao

Ah, and on to my wonderful, amazing, breath-taking man! Mr. Cory Buckley...what would i do without you baby??? No like, for real! I DONT CARE what we have been through, you have helped me discover a side of myself that i never even knew existed! All the change i talked about, i owe alot of that to you! The relationship we have, opinion doesnt matter, how other people feel doesnt matter...its just you and me against the world!! i LOVE that feeling! Oh my bad, im supposed to be talking to 08. Well 07/08 THANK YOU for bringing this man into my life! I found someone JUST like myself who i can see myself sharing the rest of my life with. 08, i feel like you tapped into a part of me that i felt i had lost when you did this...when you helped me find my soulmate!!! I couldn't thank you enough because if there is ONE thing i will remember and cherish about my year...HE is IT! hehehehe :-*

To sum my year up...it was...hmmm ok. 08, there are times you let me down and times you built me up. There is one thing i can say about you 08 that i respect...
you never, ever, ever left my side. Everytime i turned around...08, you were right there! Every problem i went through, every issue and obstacle i had to overcome, every happy moment i experienced...you never judged me or took any time away from me...

08, you did the best thing that i could have ever even asked for...

you led me to 09!!! ;-)
it was fun while it lasted 08...but as of 12am on January 1st 2009...
i gotta say goodbye.

i hope you understand.



Sincerely,
Tanya S. Simpson

Dear 2008.......JOIN ME BLOG FAMILY!! :-D

Yes, this is another blog with a pic of a calendar

BUT...it is for a VERY different reason!!!

Once again my homegirl Aliyah has come up with a wonderful idea....one so wonderful that i HAD TO share it with my blog family ASAP!!!

It is about to be 2009 (as we all know)...only a little while left until this entire year of 2008 is only a memory...

So what better way to pay homage to 2008 then to write this past year a letter from the heart. To vent about all the bones you have to pick with the year, thank the year for all the wonderful things that took place or even curse 2008 the fuck out for bringing you nothing but grief!!

SO TO MY BLOG FAMILY:

I INVITE YOU TO JOIN ME IN WRITING A PERSONAL LETTER TO 2008 AND POSTING IT ON YOUR BLOGSPOT AS A BLOG CALLED

"DEAR 2008"

I'M HOPING THAT EVERYONE I HAVE MET THROUGH THIS BLOG IS WILLING TO DO THIS BECAUSE I WILL BE POSTING MY OWN ALSO. ITS BASICALLY JUST REFLECTING ON YOUR YEAR AND VENTING (through a letter) ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKED, DISLIKED, WOULD DO DIFFERENTLY, OR EVEN DO AGAIN!!

Disclaimer: if you do not have an official blog and usually only comment through an AIM name or another "Open ID" then i encourage you to put your letter's either as a comment to this post...or a comment to my actual letter that i write to 2008. And feel free to use my letter as an example for your own if this is unclear in any way (although there are NO rules or anything...especially if YOU are the one writing the letter...its whatever you wanna write!!)

I'm hoping that this gets a big response because i am SO looking forward to seeing if anyone's year was anything like mine lmao. And please feel free to pass the idea if it catches your eye in any way...i wont be mad...i'll consider it you "paying it forward" lol

If you're a regular blogger, or someone who just supports my blog...leave a comment letting me know if you're gonna write the letter so i can know whos to look for :) (yes Serita, i even wanna see yours!!)

*sits indian style ready to read other letters*

_Ms Simpson_

Two Steps Forward!! Two Steps BACK???

Today's blog is about whether or not people should take steps backwards by dating or fucking with someone from the past. this topic was brought to my attention by my good friend Aliyah and when she asked me this question, well shit, i didnt know what to tell her!! now that ive gotten time to sit and think about it, i think i have a pretty decent answer...

so many people have been in the situation where they have been approached by an ex on the topic of being together again. i've seen it happen way too often...it has even happened to me. my outlook on it is...

"only go backwards if the reason you stopped being together was not interferring with forward progress"

if you were with someone and you stopped dating because one of you cheated, i think it should be left alone. if one of you was brutally dishonest, then i dont feel there's a need to try again.

but...if its a reason like..."our parents didnt want us together" or "we felt we were too far apart, distance wise, to make it work" then i believe it can be given another shot. Nothing in the last two examples was the fault of either party which means that things were ended on mutual terms and there can still be something there.

if the reason involves cheating, dishonesty or betrayal, let that shit stay where its at...in the past!! The relationship obviously was not based on much if those factors came into play...so why try it again?

after saying that, theres another stipulation i think would alter my answer. How long ago has it been since you were with this person? is this a fresh break up? or has it been years and years? i believe people make mistakes so not all cheating and lying is completely deliberate BUT...if the cheating happened yeeeears ago and you have both been with other people since then, what the fuck is the point anyway??? why are you trying to rebuild something that crashed and burned SO long ago?

If its a fresh break up and you guys are still actively communicating and tyring to talk and work things out, then i say more power to you. Myabe the person realizes what a fuck-up they made and needs a second chance to prove that they can make things work.

one more stipulation...how important as this person to you? did you guys really even have something serious? or was it just puppy love from jump? is it something you saw going anywhere? did you really feel like you had a shot with this person to spend your life with? Because if i give an ex a chane at this point...i'm looking for something long term. not just a trail period to see what may and may not happen AGAIN. If im gonna be testing something out, it would be with someone new so that im not sitting there already expecting certain results.

i dont do that whole "dont know what you got til its gone" bullshit. how does that worl out anyway? you have something right in your face for months or even years that is damn near perfect...and it takes you losing it for you to realizze how special it was?!!?!??!?

BULLSHIT!!!

If it takes you years and years to figure out that shit was good when you had it...then quite frankly, you're an ASSHOLE (my apologies to anyone who fits in that category but im being real)

That's almost like someone dying thats close to you and you sit and say that you didnt realize how much they meant until they were gone! i CANT get down with that one!! It should NOT take extreme measures to appreciate what and who you have in your life!

I think an ex trying to come back around is actually quite selfish. We've gone all this time without each other, i've had my time to get over you...and now here you come with a sob story about ho no other female/male worked out and were nothing like the person you want back so, can we give it another shot? NIGGA/BITCH PLEASE!!!

i'm not about to sit here and go backwards because you could not find a replacement for me!! must be kidding...

(sorry im so into this topic but i feel some type of way for real...just doesnt make sense to me)

there are ex's i've wnated to hit up like...what happened to us? maybe we should try again but i wouldn't. That can completely mess up whatever they have because now they are sitting there with thoughts of how things could have potentially worked out for the two of you. And all that happens is another relationship where i am sitting there wondering whether or not history will repeat itself. Because people can say they forgive all they want...but no one ever forgets something as painful as a break up.

i could go on for days about whether or not you should go back to your past and try to make it your future but i want to know what you guys think...

SHOULD YOU EVER GIVE YOUR PAST ANOTHER SHOT? UNDER WHAT STIPULATIONS??

To Love or To Be In Love...

I love you... I'm in love with you...

These are words quite often use to describe one's feeling for their significant other. I've been asking myself for awhile whats the difference of the two statements? What makes the other statement more powerful? When will you know that you've fallen in love with that person?

Love is the single most important feeling in the human universe. Love is being there for another human being, being there completely and without hesitation. It's talking and communicating, sharing special moments, sharing everyday life and boring Sundays. It is loving each other at the parties, when everything is fine, and being there during the dull and grey weekdays, thus making them even more colourful than the largest party spent away from your Love. Love is slowly getting to know all about this wonderful other human being. It is knowing your Love's past and accepting it, it is cherishing the gift it is to be together in the present, and it's knowing that no matter what happens, you will be there in the future. Love is, narrowed to a very basic word, a question of trust. It is letting go and trusting this other person. It is not being afraid that what you say will be passed on to others. It's knowing that your Love will not laugh at you or think you're silly when you talk about your doubts and fears, because we all have doubts and fears! And once you trust your Love, once you know that what he or she tells you is the complete truth, once you know that your Love will not leave you should you become fat and old, should you get paralysed and blind, then you are free ! It sounds so simple, and anyone who have felt like this will agree - it is the best feeling in the world!

However, whats the difference between loving someone and being in love??

Being in love is a condition. Loving is an action. Being in love usually describes what is happening to you. Loving usually describes what you do about it. There's nothing wrong with being in love. But what you do about it is most important.

I believe that the magic element is the individual will to include the other in his or her life. A person becomes "in love" by choice. The difference between love and being in love is the softening of one's heart to the other. It's a chouce each person really needs to make for him or herself. Obviously, you can not will another person in love with you.

A person in love sees the best in his or her loved one and is able to overlook the other's shortcomings. Being in love, in actuality, doesn't change loving people. It creates a new view of each person for him or herself and for each other. It is like selective sunbeams shining in on our best views, leaving the rest in muted shadows.

The problem with the "in love" focus comes when the cozy feelings are used as a barometer to determine a level of commitment in a relationship. This way of thinking overturns the way love works. It should be the other way around. Loving individuals give tenderly out of their love and commitment for each other. They both contribute to the security and warmth of the relationship and nurture their love for each other.

People "in love" most often become disillusioned because the intense cozy feelings fade away. Once the infatuation has worn off, as it always does, these people suddenly believe they must not have been meant for each other. Otherwise, they would still be feeling the same intensity of love for each other.

I think that being in love is a preparatory emotion that helps people overcome their selfishness long enough to BEGIN loving each other. The infatuation is not the goal. The goal is to sacrifice one's own selfishness, to gain a deeper appreciation and tolerance for the other, and to learn to love with lasting commitment. To be truly in love is to be considerate for your loved one's life-long well being. This kind of love needs to deepen in order for meaningful relationships to last. These are the couples who stay in love.


The opinions and views on the difference of love and being in love will vary. So my question(s) are what is your definition of love and being in love? When would you know that you've fallen in love? And could being in love be confused with infatuation?

{miss sophisticated}

I Know What Them Girls Like...

ok so, i know blogs are personal but i wasn't sure how personal they should get but fuck it...if i'm going to let you into a piece of my life...why not ALL of it?? well, not ALL of it but enough for people to get to know me!

now, i'm not gonna sit here and say i'm gay...because i dont know WHAT i would do without sex with a male (i was gonna say penetration but females can do most that men can now a days) so i'll say "sex with a male". Yes, there are toys women can use and all that but there's nothing like the raw emotion and passion a man can give and i'm not willing to give that up AT ALL (especially with my sex partner now!!!)

with that being said...i do find females attractive, most attractive creatures on this planet if you ask me. There's something about a woman that is sooo magnetic that makes me curious about her. Not all women (i dont really do Studs or AG's...whatever the term is this month) but i will definitely show my interest in a sexy ass Femme. Ok, let me not say "show my interest" because i'm as shy as they come (right now) but i will sit there and be curious about her (whoever she is at the time)

I'm not sure where the feelings came from...i'm not even sure that i even give a damn but shiiiiiit, i am a firm supporter of two females...or even two females and a dude. (havent had my first 3some yet...sigh...want one for my birthday though hehehe)

anywayz, this blog is really about me wondering where the hell this came from. I'll admit when i was younger i didnt quite understand Bisexuality...i used to say "either you like dick or you like pussy...you cant like both"...

needless to say, my views have changed and ummm...i like both (innocent smile). would i bring a girl home to moms? nope. but i will bring one home to "daddy" ;-)

crazy shit is, the more females i talk to, the more i find out are bi or just flat out gay. Is this like...an epidemic? or have people really been hiding their true sexuality all this time? I know damn well that lesbianism didnt start in the 20th century lol...nor did being gay or bisexual so where did all this stigma come from???

Things have loosened up with shows like The L Word and the show about men that i forget the name of but did watch...and with downelink.com and Noah's Ark...like come on, why the fuck isn't shit just left alone now? why do jaws still drop when someone finds out a girl or guy is gay? and WHY is it ok for females to be lesbians and guys dont mind jerking off and watching or joining?? but when it comes to men theres still this big deal about their sexuality??

this blog is more just me venting and sharing a personal side of myself.

i would like to know people's views on these things if you dont mind sharing.....

*Ms Simpson*

Is It Ok To Date The Ex Of A Friend??

i have a friend who came to me for advice. There is a female he really has an interest in...but she just so happens to be an ex of a close friend of his. He asked me if he would be wrong for going after her and expressing an interest in her. Lord knows i am terrible at relationship advice, which is probably why i am single lol...so i had NO clue what to tell him.

i know there is a "code" about not dating the ex of a friend but ummmm...what exactly is the code? Is there a certain closeness you have to have with the person before it applies because i know some dudes who share females...and not just for sex (they actually date the same girls)...dont ask me, im just the messenger lmao

but yeah...what the hell should i tell this dude? shit, i just want to know an answer for myself!!!

Do You Know What You Want In A Mate???

"i like nice eyes"

"i love guys with nice bodies"

"i hate it when females wear excessive amounts of make-up"

"i'm attracted to light-skinned guys"



everyone reading this blog has said something similar to one of these things, but is the person you describe as your preference really who you end up with??



When i was younger i used to sit down and write lists of all the physical qualities that i'd want in my significant other. Some of them included that he be dark-skinned, have braids or a neat cut, be taller than me, know how to dress and that he have nice eyes and a nice smile.



As i got older, my list changed EVERY single time. Something about my preferences ALWAYS changed and it made me think...does it really matter what our preferences are because no one really goes by them. If you were to ask me today what kind of guy i liked, my answer would be SO simple....



one that makes me laugh.



no, that's not ALL i want in my mate but it is the single first thing that i am attracted to. i dont care how good you look and if you meet every single preference that i have...if our personalities clash, it's NOT gonna work out.



If you took every guy i used to date or deal with on a level deeper than sex...NONE of these guys would look the same...so do i really have a preference. Now that i'm getting older, my preferences seems to be very different. i find myself more attracted to light skinned guys, bald guys, taller guys. But if a dark skinned dude with dreds that was the same height as me had me cracking up the first time we met...i'm gonna give him a chance.



I'd much rather live my life full of meaningful convos, laughter and being able to relate to who i end up with in the long run...then to sit there and just have a nigga i can look at who has a nasty attitude and no respect.



but trust...if i could combine BOTH...woooo weeee!!

i actually found someone who possessed all the INNER qualities i want in a man (& Lord knows he keeps me DYING LAUGHING)...as well as the OUTER beauty (because he is FINE!!)...just waiting for time and God to do their work ;-)





but anywho: Do you have any preferences? If so, how long have you had them and have they ever changed? Are looks or personality more important to you? Or are they both equally necessary in your relationships???

Open Wide

vulgar title...i know, but if i'm going to talk about "head", then i'm going to have to be a bit vulgar. i was sitting listening to a conversation on the train the other day between two girls. one of them happened to say out here mouth...LOUDLY...that she had, for the first time, given her man head. that's not what bothered me because i have NO clue how long she was with dude. the thing that got under my skin, was that the friend was downright disgusted with the idea of "head" altogether.

i'm not gonna lie, i used to think giving head was the most foul thing on this earth and would break up with a dude before i even gave it a single thought. needless to say i was young then (not that i am old now) so i'll say, i was youngER.

Now a days i am actually shocked that there are females OR MALES that do not support the cause of oral pleasure. in 2009 there are still people appauled by giving head. come on people...we have a black president now...its time for CHANGE.

Some people may be disgusted by my POV but guess what...those are probably the same chicks that wonder why their man is tip toeing off in the middle of the night to "The Bitch That Will" (shamless plug for Real Talk, Real Women...Straight Understanding"...great blog btw). But yeah ladies, we gotta get with it!!! The overall idea of it may seem disgusting or revolting but i have never had a problem wanting to satisfy why i was with...and i havent had too many boyfriends who didn't like getting head. hell, i havent had any who didn't.

NO i am NOT saying to just go insert any erect oenis into your mouths ladies but at least hold your damn man or "situationship" down!!!

Now to my gentlemen...cause please believe you were not going to get by without being mentioned. how the hell are there guys who dont give head still??? i mean, you not even gonna try? there are dudes in this world that have perfected the art of giving head...and you havent even been in the region? so so crazy to me.


Questions: if you do give head, did you feel negatively about it before and changed your mind? or have you always been ok with it? If you dont, what are the reasons? Do you know any guys/ladies who still dont give head?

feel free to be anonymous...i know some are shy about this or dont want their business out there...i just really want some opinions on this.


*Ms Simpson*

Im Contemplating an Open Mic for Poetry...Should I Do It???

if my heart could speak it would say thank you
my next conversation i have with God, i have to praise Him because He made you.
my guardian angel.
my soulmate.
i finally found you.
being around you maintains my sanity.
amazes me the way your eyes put me in a daze.
get lost inside your stare
can picture the way you look at me with admiration
even when you're not here
but i dont
because i look forward to seeing you face to face
your love resides in a special place
......my soul.
never miss a day of prayer in an effort to show God
how thankful i am that you are here
you really exist:
the ying to my yang
the right to all my wrongs
the perfect harmony to the most romantic love song
the answer to my deepest wish
...to find a man who complimebts my existence...
and who finds me a worthy additon to his.
never been touched quite the way you do it
your hands glide across my skin in search of my buried treasure
hidden so deep
even though others have tried to find it
theres only one copy of the key
the original i keep
safe with me
in case you leave
in case of emergency
that i'd have to open up my heart again
more than friends
we have an outer space connection
if destiny means we are meant to be
than that is what we will name our first daughter
that way even if you leave
she can still wake up next to me
and remind me of my personal drug
my ecstasy.
the man i gave my all to
and the rest of me
that way you will always be a part of my destiny
cant bring myself to leave
and i know you dont want me to
what we share is beautiful
cant be imitated
so there will never be a repeat
constantly taping brand new episodes
our season has no chance for defeat
your presence makes me weak
your intellect runs sooo deep
that i find it hard to speak when i'm around you
like i lost all my words the day that i found you
i never minded because it leaves me time to show you
that i know you
and knowing me
i know we were meant to be my love
your essence is a blessing to me.
i can feel love seeping through my pours
leaking out my eyes
heating my thighs when you're next to me
my fingers forgot how to dial your number
...i taught my pussy to call your phone
because when she's lonely
and me
and what you own
are alone
the mere traces of where your kisses and hands were are enough to make me moan
you are MY KING
the ONLY ruler ti the castle
you do what you need to protect it
making sure it is never disrespected
that why
when you sit on your throne and look to your side
i've never left it
it gets lonely over here
sometimes i forget what keeps you from being there
im offering you my whole heart
i refuse to keep one part of it
it belongs to you
i wake up in the morning after sleeping alone
and my lips are moving on their own
singing songs to you
im not wrong for you
this love is absolutely right
from now on when you leave out of YOUR house
no one else will enter your walls
ill turn off the heat and cut the lights out
I AM YOURS
from this moment on
if you ever doubt it
ask me about it
i have no problem standing on the roofs of buildings to shout it
I LOVE YOU
and i'm never giving up or letting go
i just cant help but wonder
when you'll finally find your way home.

"Situationships"

YES!! We get to another one of my FAVORITE topics..."situationships"

For those of you who dont know what a "situationship" is, i will give you

MY definition for one...not anyone elses'

Situationship- a relationship between two people that involves hanging out, affection, sex and feelings for one another WITHOUT a title involved. An agreement between two people to enjoy each other's company and time without being committed to one another. A situationship does not have to involve all of the aspects mentioned above...but it most definitely CANNOT involve a title of any sort.

Ahhhh, we finally get to talk about a subject that almost EVERYONE has a different opinion on!! And one thing i love is a good debate between the sexes...

So many times in my life have i had to put up with a guy saying he "doesnt want a title"...mind you i hardly ever ask for one lol but i guess they just thought they should let me know. So, as a female i have experienced a plethora of different "situationships" all that depended on the person i was dealing with. Some didn't involve sex, some didnt involve emotions and others involved everything a relationship would...without it actually being called a relationship.

It can go both ways in the "situationship"...it can very well be the man pressing the woman (or whatever your preference) being together and putting a title on something. Whichever way it does go though...it still occurs very much. I've heard more and more of my friends saying they have a "boo" or a "FWB (friend with benefits) than i have heard them say they actually were in a committed relationship with someone.

Now i know everyone isnt going to just jump into something head first without getting to know someone. To me, that isnt where the "situationship" starts...that is a courtship. The "situationship" starts when you notice that you've been "dealing with" the same person for 1 yr+ and yall still havent even discussed being together.

Some people are cool with that...at times i'm cool with it too...but what happens when one catches feelings and one doesnt? Where does the "situationship" go from there? And should these stipulations be discussed when you first enter into something...or after the person starts catching feelings??

Granted, i used to be the poster child for "situationships" because i have the mentality of a dude...or had. I liked to keep everyone as a "close friend" so that no one would think they had me as a girlfriend or anything of that sort. I still am an avid supporter of the "situationship", i just think its gotten a bit too...how can i put this?...wide spread for me lol

My only real questions are (although you can answer any i have had during my brainstorm) is...what is YOUR definition of a "situationship" and how does it differ from an actual relationship to you? Have you ever been in one? And would you prefer a "situationship" over a relationship...and why?

Last but not least...what would make you want to move from a "situationship" into a relationship? And vice versa?

_Ms Simpson_

Now I aint sayin' she a gold digger...

Now I aint saying she a gold digger
But she aint messing with no broke nigga!!

Yes, Kanye & Jamie Foxx had a great concept when coming up with this song because yes, in this world, what woman (or even man) do you kno wanna be involved with a broke nigga? lol.

Now what is a gold-digger? The world would describe this person as being someone that’s full of greed. Only out for personal gain to get all that they can get from that person of the "baller status". Some of these females tend to "get off" at the man in the club, flashing their cash at the bar just because they can buy them drinks. But what these chicks don’t kno is that most of these guys do this just to get the attention from them. Its basically a two-way street in this situation, guys flash their money cuz they kno the "gold diggers" will flock so they can basically get their own rocks off later that night. So this should make you think ladies… Just as much as you’re using them, they are playing your ass right back.

There was a time when my friends would always sing the infamous chorus of Kanye’s song to me because it just so happened that most of the guys I’ve dealt with had money. But I’m not the type that would go out to the club or wherever to seek out the nigga with the biggest cash roll in his pocket. I’ve actually been in relationships where the guy didn’t have much and was trying to work towards something in his life.

This brings me to my next point… Coal-Diggers. A friend of mine wrote a note on facebook about the whole topic of gold-diggers vs. coal diggers. She believed that coal was a good example because coal may not be that appealing to the eye but coal gets the job down. Coal can keep a house warm, coal can heat up a stove, coal can keep the train moving! And I have to totally agree, money doesn’t appeal to my senses. If you have it, that’s great.

The way the economy is now, you can lose money quicker than you’ve gain it. So, of course, when and if that time comes, a woman should still be willing to stand by her man during that time because yes, hard times will come.

And yes it just so happens that God has blessed with someone who actually on that "baller status" but did I kno this before we were involved? No. And just because I know he’s practically a damn millionaire, would my attitude change towards him? No, because he’s just a regular dude and carries himself that way. And if he were to lose it all today, I'd still be right by his side.

So if you dont have all the "gold" its okay because coal can withstand pressure and with enough pressure, it can become a diamond and in my book, a diamond is worth way more than gold.

I really don’t kno what questions to ask for this topic for you guys. It was just something that has ran across my mind over a conversation that I had a few days ago. But what are your thoughts on it?

Also Known As......

i have a little story to tell that will get a laugh out of you AND lead me into this next blog topic...
i have a friend who was dating a guy for a couple of months and things started getting a little serious. one day she is randomly looking through his phone and sees that there is someone saved in it as "wifey". she approaches the guy with this and his response is....
"ohhh her? thats Wifey (which he pronounced We-Fay), my African friend"
wooooooooow.
so my homegirl laughs (at him) and goes on to tell him to call her so that she can know that he is telling the truth and his response is...
"it wouldnt make any sense...she doesnt speak english"
yes, yes people...this is a true to life story and it really did happen.


that brings me to my blog topic...
the names that people save people as in their phone...either to deviate a snooping significant other or to remember who they are.

why is it that every male i have talked to has this strange "male trait" to save females in their phone under a special name to remember who they are?? what ever happened to the days of matching a voice or a face to a name. i know alot of people have similar name...but come on now...whats REALLY going on??

some might not yet understand what i mean, so i will give a better example. my co-writer for this blog happens to have a HUGE backside...so maybe a dude would save her in their phone as "Big Booty Rita" or "Rita Stallion" or some crazy shit like "Rita BA (as in Big Ass)...sorry Serita...love you dearly but your ass is huge!!!

where did this crazy tradition of the nickname transpire??
because i am honest on this blog, i will admit that i have put a few codes in my phone to remember who some people were...but they were not nearly as drastic as some of the things i have seen!!! If i meet someone at, lets say, Strata...i use to put in my phone (Arthur STRATA) and thats pretty much common sense. I looked through a male friends phone and saw all types of asterix and exclamation points and im just lost as all hell!!!
what does it all meaaaaann????????????

so, because this is not such a large topic, ill break my questions up for the sexes...

Guys (feel free to answer anonymously as to not 'blow your cover'lol):
What codes for females do you keep in your phone? Any special symbols or characters that differenciate the 'hoe' from the 'housewife'?? What made you start using specific codes or different names for people? (that is if you do)

Ladies (you can answer anonymously too):
Being that ive seen this done more with males...have you ever discovered any codes in a phone? What do you think you may be saved as in some guys you know phone?? Do YOU keep special codes for the guys/girls you meet??

Both Sexes:
Ever saved someone under a completely different name (i.e. your side boo Tracy being saved as "T Dot" or "Trey")???

LET ME KNOW PEOPLE! :-p


*Ms Simpson*

Long distance relationships: Fail-proof formula?

People ask me all the time, “How can you handle being with someone who lives so far away from you?” The answer, I guess, is simple: I love him. There’s no better explanation, and that’s what I tell everyone. I've been in three long distance relationships (well one was when I was engaged to someone in the Navy so you know how that goes lol), and currently in one now. You would think that by the first three not working out I would have learned my lesson & to avoid getting involved with the current. Well, I can't change the path that God has for my life. And to be honest, I couldn’t imagine life any other way.


Most people will find it difficult to comprehend why I’ve made these choices. Why be in a long distance relationship? The answer is actually quite simple. Nobody wants to be in a long distance relationship. We all want to be close to our partners, but sometimes circumstances are beyond our control.

People tell me that long distance relationship do not work. They tell me that over time the relationship will fade. They tell me that long distance relationships fail because of factors like the lack of trust, lack of commitment and the obvious fact that partners cannot see each other. How can they expect me to believe it when I have been living it for years? While I do agree that most long distance relationships cannot work, I also believe that they can work if couples want it to.

I am sure there have been many talks on what makes a long distance relationship work. I cannot truly say that there is a fail-proof formula. Sometimes people have the best of intentions, they work hard on making their relationship work. But ultimately, the relationship falls apart and they cannot understand why. Truthfully, I don’t know either. I’m not sure why one relationship works and why another does not. But I am a strong believer in commitment, communication, and COMPROMISE. If we have these in the relationship, then all else will fall into place. But that is just my view.

I’d like to believe that faith is another part of the formula in making long distance relationships work. No, I don’t mean faith in a divine being. I mean faith in your own abilities and your own belief that the relationship will work. When you begin to doubt whether the relationship will work or not, most of the time you will find it won’t work. Having faith in your commitment as a couple to make your relationship work is invaluable. It also proves how confident you are of your relationship and it’s abilities to withstand obstacles.

But people will continue to say that long distance relationships do not work. And I will continue to prove them wrong. Ultimately, there are no fail-proof formulas to ensure that long distance relationships work. As a couple, you need to find the right formula between yourselves. With that being said, I believe that communication, commitment, and a whole lot of compromise sprinkled with a little faith can work wonders.

I laugh at people who complain about having not seen their boyfriends/girlfriends in a few days, or even a few weeks. I don’t laugh to be offensive. I just find it funny. Because this is something i've endured for awhile and as the saying goes: "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." I'm sure I'm probably alone on this topic but what's your view on it?

*Miss Sophisticated*

Sharing Is Caring...Right??

i had the idea for a WHOOOOLE different blog in mind...

but i have a friend in need of SERIOUS words of advice/encouragement.


Jane Doe: Ok, i was dating this dude on and off for about a year. Shit, i cant even say on and off because after while, we just developed one of those "relationship without the title" type of things. A "situationship" for lack of a better word. We had fallen in love (which i now know was only going on in my half of the relationship), but yeah, we fell in love and things were...ok. There was always some drama going on or some issue with another females, or him thinking i was fucking with another dude. After our official break up, we both "did us" to a certain extent. We still always found our way back to each other though. Somehow, we always found our way back.So anyways, the dude was a singer and trying to get a deal and wanted to find a female singer to do a song with. I, being the helpful person i am, knew how much his music meant to him and suggested my best friend since the sixth grade. She has always loved singing and wanted to get into the business herself...so my first logical thought, was to hook them up. Little did i kno that some people take the term "hook up" waaay too far. So, i recently find out that they messed around the day they were scheduled to work on the song. Crazy thing is, there was a moment when i couldn't get in touch with either party and both phones werent being answered. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach & in my heart, that something was going on. When i bought it up, BOTH parties tried to make me feel bad with a whole bunch of "what kinda person do you think i am?" and even some "how could you even say that? im hurt you would think of me in that way".

CRAZY RIGHT??? So I find this out and i'm just at a loss for words. Yes, i have been with other people since the break up but...........MY BEST FRIEND??????? I've done some fooooooooul things to people but this takes the cake over anything I've done, or even thought about doing. Then, after all this, something in my mind (or maybe that was my heart) stops and says "i still want to be with him". I know, I know ladies...you are ashamed of me already and trust, i was just as ashamed of myself. I do not know what made that thought come about but my mind quickly stepped in (so yeah, that must have been my heart before) because my mind quickly stepped in and said "BITCH IS YOU CRAZY???" I guess I just want to know if anyone has been int his situation before. What did you do? How did you feel? How would you have handled it if it was you? What do you think of him? Of her?

Yeah...thats her issue. Soooo...yeah. Any feedback?

_Ms Simpson_

MySpace Jumpoff???

Meeting people through the internet (AIM, MySpace, Facebook, CrushSpot, Downelink, etc, etc.)

ok, i was given this topic from another person but, i think it is a very valid and interesting topic so i chose to write about it.

How many of us have met someone else of interest through a website before??? I'm not gonna sit here and lie and say i havent when i have lol. mind you this is someone i spoke to on and off for about 5 years before we actually, physically met. did i still feel awkward about it? HELL YEAH! he wasnt a psycho though...coincidentally i fell in love with my internet lover (lol) and we had a very good relationship.

did i always feel this way about meeting people online?? NOPE! i used to be scared like shit to even talk about meeting people from the net. all these crazy stories and news reports of people being "slain" by their internet stalker. shiiiiiit, hell yeah i used to be afraid! perhaps thats why i spoke to one person 5 years before i met them. had to make sure those pics were constantly changing and that this was a normal person...feel me??

but after a while i got attacked with spam from all these dating websites (who i wont mention by name through fear of some type of copyright infringement). i guess it made me a bit more comfortable that there were websites springing up dedicated strictly to dating. no, i never joined one because well, im against having to give my credit card info so that you can "find me love" but it did make everything sit easier with me knowing that there are SO many people meeting and dating off the net, that they dedicated quite a few websites to it.

i still dont sit and meet any old body from offline. i think altogether maybe i met 3 people off the net..and one was a female so im not sure if that counts lol. i'm still not a supporter of internet dating but i dont think it should illegal or anything. im not afraid that i'd get chopped up or anything but someones mental stability definitely cannot be judged from their "net personality"...so idk. i know if i was against meeting people online, i never would have met my ex...so im glad i changed my views.

HAVE YOU EVER MET ANYONE OFF THE INTERNET? IF SO, HOW DID THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU? IF NOT, WHAT STOPPED YOU FROM DOING SO?? DOES THIS STILL HAVE THE SAME STIGMA IT DID BEFORE?

-Ms Simpson

should he REALLY put a ring on it?

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

This is a song that FROM DAY ONE has annoyed me to the pit of my soul. I've had many debates with my friends about this song because yes, the public has truly ruined this song for me.

Now on with the topic at hand...

We all know the routine, we all know that if he liked it he should of put a ring on it and perhaps he is tight that somebody else got it…but let’s be real here ladies. Not every song plays to your favor, once again we have an anthem that convinces EVERY female that they are worthy of something that most aren’t. Most females truly believe they are a total packaged deal & ready to be snatched off the shelf with no assembly required.

They need a quick reality check...

However, the previous (or current) may not have "put a ring on it" because certain things must be in place before a MAN pops that question. Ironically, in life all those things will never be in place at the SAME time, so it is up to you to determine when is right. That does not mean putting a time limit on your relationship ladies with a pressured expiration date…some relationships stand no grounds for marriage & it’s pretty obvious when it doesn’t stand a chance.

So before dropping down low & sweeping the floor with it… turn & ask why he didn’t put a ring on it? Take a look in the mirror & ask yourself am I marriage worthy? Understand that there is no such thing as PERFECTION and if that man loves you unconditionally & you feel as though you can grow old with this person, then maybe you'll be worthy of that ring...

Personally, I dont think I'm perfect and I believe the reason why I strongly resent this song is that females are running around in the clubs or wherever they are, singing this song thinking its the GOSPEL. Okay I understand Beyonce is tryna throw it in her ex's face (whomever he is) that Jay-Z has put a ring on her finger. Much kudos to her. I'm happy for her. But it doesn't give every woman on this earth the right to prance around and think they need to sing this song when in most cases... THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A RING ON THEIR FINGER!

(and in another sense, she's stating all the single ladies... that should tell you something also. If you shouting this song AND you're single... You need to re-evaluate what went wrong in that relationship & try not to do it again)


I know it seems like I was ranting and raving but this has just been a topic on my mind and being as though I'm NOT single.. I can't really relate to this song.. lol. I'm sure one day the man I'm in love with will put a ring on it but i'm in NO rush. If its in God's plan for it to happen... It will.



What's Your Opinion on it?

*Miss Sophisticated*

Foolin' Us With Trickery

so, a topic came up between my homegirls and myself. we were disussing males in general...and then we got to the topic of having sex with someone for the first time. somewhere within that convo a friend bought up the fact that alot of males do this crazy switch up after they "reach their goal", for lack of a better term.
Its a wide spread epidemic...the guy who is extremely sweet and flattering and does and says whatever he needs to say to get in them draws!!! You get phone calls, texts, chill, spend time, go out, crack jokes...all so that these guys can "reach their goal".

Finally one day...you let your guard down. So here you are, sitting there next to each other knowing what is about to go down and fully aware of what you're about to do. Everything starts off normally and then things get a little hot & heavy. You're not thinking anything of it because you've made this guy wait months to even smell your scent & he still stuck around...so why would he change up now...right? riiiiiiiight. What was supposed to happen...happens and you head home with the inevitable thought of...
what now?

then...
things gradually start changing...

the same guy that used to go out of his way to speak or say something sweet...suddenly stops hitting you up. all the extra things that used to be done are now a thing of the past. the "nice guy" quickly becomes the "bad guy".

let me insert these very important words in this paragraph...i am a firm believer that MOST women, if not all, can get dick from anywhere. Excuse my bluntness in that statement but i didn't know how else to put that because if you're a female who has a pussy and showers daily...then you're good as far as finding a dude to sleep with. I'm NOT saying go sleep with any and every guy...just supporting a statement with facts.

So, what is it about pussy that makes guys fall back after the fact? I'm thinking that if a guy waits that long for sex, he'd want it more than once. That switch turns females off (or maybe thats just me).

Personally, i'm more appreciative of honesty. If you're just trying to have sex, say that...not saying it will happen but at least there would be no lies, assumptions or miscommunications. Im all for the thrill of the chase...but why do all that when all you want is ass? There are plenty of "ladies" willing to give ass up quickly (& they make themselves know most of the time)...

I guess our real question was why do guys give off the appearance of actual interest when it is really about sex. Especially if we as females bring up the fact that they dont feel like dealing with the dude who's only around for ass. Especially if we as females show a general interest in the guy. There are females who put themselves out there as a "sex toy"...why not do this with them and leave the girls who want more than sex to the guys who want more than sex?

Just some thoughts that my girls and i had...another thing that made us go hmmmm lol

What do you think???

Let's Talk About Sex...FINALLY!!!

I'm gonna make this pretty short and sweet...

i'm NEVER one to just go around tooting my own horn...

(well maybe just one toot here and there)...

but i am a female who enjoys and is very passionate about sex...

being things way brings up alot of questions about sex that i would like answered...

it's just that no one ever really keeps it real about sex anymore :-\

so i'm hoping i can ask these questions on here...

and someone can clarify a few things for me...

because i do NOT believe in this thing called "bad sex"...

so i'm just trying to figure some things out real quick..............

I've had so many female friends dissatisfied with their mate and come back with SO many stories about what went wrong. Same thing with my male friends. Then, on the flip side, i've heard both sexes come back with stories about how spectacular the sex was and...what went right. lol

I've heard guys say they hated the sex because all the girl did was lay there. And I've heard females say the same. I myself find it hard to have sex of any sort if there is no kissing involved. Makes me feel very seperated from the actual act, like there's no passion involved. And one thing i refuse to be lacking during sex................is passion. Makes it all so drab and boring.

If i reeeeeallly got into what i liked about sex...it would look something like this. I like a man who likes being in a poition of power in the bedroom. He knows exactly how to initiate things with me and exactly how to end things. Someone who has that power but also enjoys when i take over and do what i do. A man who pulls hair, bites, grabs, throws...all that. A man that knows his way around a females body WITHOUT directions and doesnt expect anything he doesnt give in the bedroom. Smoking also greeeatly inhances any sexual experience i have because my body is in a sensitive state after i smoke. drinking is ok, but sex while being toooo drunk gets sloppy and too much to deal with. I like unspoken communication. To be able to look at my partner and know what to do without a word being uttered. I like when a guy can be rough but not be trying to destroy my insides at the same time. Someone who could look at me and make me feel wanted...and at the same time look at me and know that they are wanted just as much.

I'm pretty much saying that i like passion in the bedroom. That is what turns me on and what keeps me coming back (if i come back). I know it's not the same for everyone though so i want to hear other opinions.

What makes someone your "best "partner? Is it some type of connection you have to have for sex to be good? And if your sex is just good and you know what you're doing...then how can sex be bad with....anyone?

What turns guys on during sex? What specific things do men like done to them? Or what things do men like about sex period? Is there a certain way that you want your partner to be sexually? What type of sexual personality do you have? Does it matter of the sex is good or not? Are females vaginas really that different? What makes one better than another?

What turns females on during sex? What things have to happen in the bedroom (or bathroom, livingroom, club, whatever...) for sex to be good for you? What things do you specifically like about sex? What makes it "good" or "bad" or "memorable" even? What should a woman/man NOT do in the bedroom? What makes you "go back for more"??

Well, so much for short and sweet

suggestions for topics that interest you???

i deep into my school work right now so i wasnt able and wont be able to post anything today due to lack of time

BUT...

i do want to know if there are any topics of interest refering to relationships that any of our readers would like addressed? any personal situations you need an opinion or second view about?? let us know and we will make it happen...

if not, stayed tuned for the next blog on my favorite steamy topic...




sex.

i've changed for you...

How much should one change in order to make the relationship work?

This is a question I’ve asked myself alot because in most of my relationships, I try to “adapt” to my surroundings to make things work without changing much of what makes me… ME. This can be rather tough to do because, of course, everyone you encounter will be different. So, you have to adjust the whole approach as to “how will I deal with this person to keep both of us happy?” or “what will I do different from my last relationship?”

With me… I’m as stubborn as a mule but yet I’ve catered to every boyfriend that I’ve had if he was worthy of it. But in this case, I feel as though I’m lost within myself as to how much I’ve changed for this person… And now its starting to bug me a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in love with the man I’m dealing with but yet I feel as though I’ve lost a sense of self in this.

Let me break it down a bit…

I’m the type of woman that is what we call that “ride or die” chick. I’ll stand beside my man through thick & thin. And I’ve done so in ALL of my relationships. But this relationship is sooo different. I find myself changing things that I normally wouldn’t give a shit about in any other situation, like going to the clubs and hanging out like I usually do (I’ve like stopped that completely). And I find myself saying yes because I’m somewhat afraid of what might happen if I say no.

I’ve been told I’m a strong individual but in my opinion, I believe right now my strength has turned into my weakness. I give my all to make my other half happy. But in the same sense, I’d hope he’d do the same for me. I’ve been taken advantage of so many times before so I’d hope in this case, I’m not being made out to be a fool.

Maybe I’m overreacting, who knows…

Its just a thought that had came to me during a brief discussion with my significant other. And it just hit me like damn, I’ve changed ALOT in this relationship and maybe I need to cut back on it or just need to have a serious sit down talk with him about this.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been through this and its somewhat crazy because I know a lot of people believe that they need to stay the same in every relationship & think that it will work out. I must say you’re so wrong…

But my question is…
How much are you willing to change for your significant other?

Cheating...Part 2 (Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater??)

This stems from my last blog about cheating (hence the part 2 lol)

Now that eveyrone has declared their stand on what cheating is...I'm going to take a little spin on it...I want to make a blind assumption, go out on a limb, and say that almost everyone has cheated before in some form. Whether it was emotional, physical, or even mental, everyone has done some form of cheating.

Are you to be considered a cheater forever? Have you changed? Will it stay that way? If you've never cheated...(congrats)...and do you feel like a cheater can be reformed???

I'm going to be completely honest, i've only been faithful in one relationship in my entire life. I either wasn't satisfied with how i was being treated, wasn't satisfied sexually, or just didn't care! My last relationship though, is when i remained faithful, even after being cheated on. That's why it stands out so much to me.

After having been a faithful cheater...(crazy way to word that right?)...but yes, after being a faithful cheather, i found someone who i wanted to solely be with emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually.Most females in my position would have either left or cheated...but i did neither. Something inside me wanted to keep my word to myself and to him. Do i feel like since i was cheated on anyway that it was in vain? HELL NO! I know now that the saying is SO far from being true.I was once a cheater and for that relationship, i made a major change.

If i cheat in a relationship in the future...will that count as me "always" being a cheater? I dont know & wont get to find out either...My philosophy now is to either keep it real and say I'm not satisfied and want to see other people or just leave the relationship. either way i would not be cheating.

now that i've been completely faithful to someone, it feels GOOD to say/know that i can do it. plus, the feeling of knowing that i haven't shared myself with anyone and any way...i never want that feeling taken from me again. It felt great to not have to lie. Even if my truth wasnt accepted by him didnt matter, bc i had no feelings of guilt.

So do i think that if you've cheated that you'll always be that way? NOPE. unless you never find that one person that gets into your heart deep enough to make you WANT to be faithful. It will only happen if you want it to. I wanted to be able to tell the man i was with that he's the only man ive been with since we got together...and i was finally able to.

So what do you think? Am i still a cheater? Know any reformed cheaters? Are you a reformed cheater? How did you come about changing? If you still cheat...why? And do you think you could be faithful?WILL A CHEATER ALWAYS CHEAT????

Cheating...Part 1 (yes, there have to be parts for this)

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER CHEATING???

I have plenty of friends who have been cheated on...and plenty more who have cheated. some of them feel like the things they did, did not constitute cheating...while others knew they were dead wrong for what they had done.
...i even have met a TON of guys who feel like they didnt cheat bc they had an arguement with their woman/man and didnt speak for less than a day, so they felt it was ok to do them...and then said they didnt cheat because them and their mate werent together for those few hours (still havent gotten a grasp on that one...bc if we havent mutually decided that we arent together, an arguement does NOT justify cheating)

then that poses the question of what exactly cheating is. when is it considered cheating? what things constitute a cheater?

most people have this odd thought in their head that cheating is ONLY when you actually have sexual intercourse with another person.
NO NO NO NO NO!!! You've GOT to be kidding me!

Cheating can relate to sex (oral, anal, vaginal), kissing, sexual touching, spending time...all of that. yes, giving someone else your intimate time...is cheating. i personally would be more upset if i found out my significant other was spending time with another woman, rather than just fucking her. spending time means your heart is cheating on me...fucking means its just your dick thats cheating...and in a relationship...your heart would mean way more to me.

i think men and women cheat differently honestly. men usually always go for the sex...for whatever reason. as women will go for the time (usually time and attention they arent getting in their own relationship).

To me, they are both wrong but do other people consider spending time with someone else and gaining an intimate interest in someone else cheating?? would you be more upset if you found out that your mate was having sex with someone else? or if they were spending time with and getting to know someone else on the level that they know you??

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU PERSONALLY CONSIDER CHEATING???

I LOVE YOU vs. I NEED YOU

here are some definitions of "LOVE":

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection

3. sexual passion or desire.

4. sexual intercourse.

and here are some definitions of "NEED":

1. a requirement, necessary duty or obligation.

2. a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary.

3. urgent want.

4. to be necessary.

(all definitions taken from dictionary.com)

this topic was bought up in one of my classes that to need someone is stronger than simply loving them. the girl explained that when you love someone it is just a feeling that can pass...but needing someone is to not be able to live without them.

hearing that made me think and it certainly made sense to me.

i have told a number of people i used to date that i loved them...and i meant it because i did hold a certain amount of love for them in my heart. i didnt need any of them though...or else they would still be here.

at the same time, i tell my family members everyday that i love them...i also feel that i need them too though. idk what i would do without these people in my life.

have you ever had anyone else besides your family in your life that you need? i'm not sure that i do. :-\

i slipped up in my last relationship before this one that just ended and told my ex that i needed him. at times it felt that way because we were living together and doing everything together. when we broke up i cried day in and day out, thinking my life was over and that i couldnt go on another day (funny how i said that each passing day tho lol)

now that he is gone...well, i still breathe and have all my senses, i'm still walking and talking the same (perhaps with a slightly improved maturity) but everything is the same. i didnt need him, i lived without him after we broke up. didnt even keep him as a friend.

the relationship i just got out of...omg, i love this man to death...i damn sure do! he has changed my life for the better, even with the drama we had involved with us. i feel like i need him in my life, even as just a friend. everytime we try to go our seperate ways...SOMETHING brings us right right back. even if its a long amount of time, by some devine power or connection, this man and i cannot stay apart.

i cant sit and say that i would die without him, because no one would die just because someone isnt in there life anymore (unless you're like a siamese twin or something). i can say though, that if we did get to a point where we didnt speak again...i think i would feel a void or an emptiness inside me for a very long time, if not forever.

on the flip side tho, i've heard of older couples that, when one dies, the other one isnt too far behind because they just couldnt bear to live without their mate, like life just wasnt worth it without them. i want that type of love...i want to experience that and in some ways...if i was older and in this same situation, it might be that way.

there are also cases where people have someone in their life soo long, that they feel like they cant live without them...but do they really know that? if it hasnt EVER been tested and they've never been apart...well, how would they know?

if i was with someone who i grew to love, fell in love with and wanted to marry...i think that is the point of me needing someone. when i feel as though i want to spend the rest of my days on this earth with a specific person, then and only then will i consider the notion that i NEED someone in my life.

people NEED water, oxygen, food, and good health to live. some survive without having any family even so idk. its a very touchy topic because if you tell someone you dont need them in your life, they get offended...when in all actuality, they probably dont need you in theirs either!

i feel like everyone has felt this way at one point...but did it hold true? did you die without that person in your life? or did you just hurt for a while? do you have someone in your life now that you feel you couldn't love without? if so, why do you feel that way?

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SAY YOU LOVE/ARE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE IF YOU DONT NEED THEM???

Ex In Your Sex

hmmm...my topic today will be...
EX'S AS FRIENDS...

IS IT OK TO KEEP AN EX BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND AS A FRIEND?? IF SO, SHOULD IT BE RIGHT AFTER THE BREAK UP? OR SHOULD THERE BE TIME IN BETWEEN? IF NOT, WHY NOT??? IS IT EASIER FOR A MALE TO KEEP AN EX AS A FRIEND? OR A FEMALE?

i've wondered about this for a loooong time now. one reason is bc i've tried it and it never works. another is because i thought about all the people in my life, and not one of the people close to me is an ex. sure, i speak to a few on occasion...but they aren't in my close circle of friends or anything of thta nature.

i just dont know if thats because i want it that way...or if thats just how it turned out. i think it was a more subconsious thing for me than anything. i have a habit of still having some form of feelings for my ex's if they hang around...so i'm usually just rude and cut them off or we both agree to go our way (except in this latest situation).

i feel like everyone has been put in that situation of having an ex who they call a friend...but really still have some type of feelings for them or still get jealous when they see they have moved on. nothing to be ashamed of...its natural. people become possessive of the person they invested their time, effort and feelings in and hate seeing them move on bc they feel like they put in too much work to see it used on the next. then there are those people, like myself, who allow themselves to build genuine feelings for someone and then fall in love and just dont have the strength to let go.

if i had to choose, i would say that ex's should only be friends if there werent some major crazy jealousy issues and if it is a mutual agreement between the two.

my answer also depends on how long the couple was together and how serious the relationship actually got. sometimes the seriousness of the relationship can outweigh the time because love has no time limit.

is it possible to become friends again if you were already friends before you hooked up? i can actually play both sides of that question. i think it could ruin a good friendship if the two decided to remain friends because nothing will ever be the same after that. you would have been intimate with the person and have developed a whole entirely new set of feelings for them. then again, it could be a positive and make the friendship stronger because now you know that you have tried to be a couple, it didnt work and now you can help the person understand themselves better, and get a better understanding of yourself. it all depends.

it's easier for men to be friends with females after a break up because if something occurs again (like sex), the male could go through with it and still hold the same feelings of not wanting anything from it anymore. a female will become wrapped up in the sex, thinking its a means of reconciliation (well, some women)...and then get their feelings hurt when they realize that...it was just sex.

its a difficult thing to decipher really. i choose to stay away from most ex's to avoid it becoming a complicated situation where...we've let go...but haven't let go. half of my ex's are in a different state though so that may be what makes it easier. if i was still down south though, i think i would still steer clear of that whole messy "let's be friends" thing.

were Deborah Cox and R.L. on to something?? or is it actually possible to be a true friend to someone you used to date...without your ego or old feelings becoming involved.
let me know what you think.


next blog is about I LOVE YOU VS. I NEED YOU: Which phrase is more powerful???