Everyone is guilty of this and I bet everyone can attest to this...we have all at one point in out lives said things out of anger that we did not mean at all...but said anyway. We have all let that one word, or even several sentences, slip as a momentary victory for us in the "who's more hurt" war we were having at the time with our mate. Of course we never mean it but to ease some of our hurt, we say whatever pops in our head that we know will pretty much 'gut punch' the other person.
(This is in all relationships too...family, friends, boos, etc.)
Why do we do this though? After years and years of hearing stories like 'i shouldn't have said that, i'm such a dick for that,' or seeing our friends apologize to their man/woman 1000 times, or even apologizing that many times ourselves.......we still do it. I say we because I'm guilty of this same crime.
With the experience I do have in relationships, it's much harder to work through any issue after a verbal dagger has been thrown. There was already an issue present, which is why anyone is even mad enough to say something out of pocket, so why add salt to the wound?
There are a million reasons someone could give for this behavior (and most come out during our apologies) but what compels us to keep doing it afterwards?
This is one of the great relationships mysteries to me. My personal theory is that...hurt people, hurt people. When someone is hurt, they feel vulnerable and usually betrayed and want the person they're arguing with to feel the same. A lot of this behavior attributes to the fact that most people just don't know how to effectively express themselves. Everyone can spew a bunch of obscenities and talk down to someone but it's literally hard for some people to verbally express themselves. There are even people out there that think it makes them look 'soft' to say how they feel without cursing or causing a scene.
Whatever the reason is that you may personally have for this behavior...I am begging and pleading with you to stop!!!
There is absolutely nothing gained in making someone you actually care about feel like shit when you know all you really want is for the problem to be over. There are so many more productive ways to express yourself without hurting someone in the process. The best way to help someone understand why you are hurt, is simply to explain why. What can you possibly lose by just putting your feelings out on the table? That the person doesn't care? Well in that case, you need to be moving on anyway so save all that negative energy and hurtful words and turn it into a positive by using it with someone who will listen and communicate. If the person loves you, anything you say/feel should be important to them, so expressing yourself should be easy.
It's also a respect thing. If you respect who you are with, some things just are better left unsaid...especially if you don't mean them anyway.
My point is...........don't say things that you don't mean unless you are fully prepared for any response or reaction after the fact. I've seen so many relationships ruined because someone out the pair just went way too far with their words. Once they leave your mouth, or fingertips, that's it. Put negative words on the list with time because it's something you can't get back.
Just be very mindful, even if it means you have to leave the room for a moment, or not call right back after being hung up on, and evaluate the situation. If they are worth it, you will take heed to this. If not, you'll spend a lot of time wishing you could take back something that had no business being said and trying to make up for it.
But if you can take what I'm writing and grow from it and show the person you have, please do. No one is worth losing over never learning how to express yourself.
QUESTION: Have you ever been the victim of malicious words? And were you able to move forward from it? Or have you been the one with the venom? And did you wind up apologizing for it later?
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Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Monday, March 1, 2010
Communication is KEY!
A little while ago...around my birthday in January...I had a conversation with seven other friends about what we were looking for in a relationship. Like, what is the ONE key thing that we wanted from out mate. At the time the question baffled me...I couldn't think of ONE thing from a relationship that I really wanted more than anything else. Some gave the answers: trust, consideration, loyalty...but I never answered the question. I don't even think any of them noticed lol. I've been racking my brain with this question for a long time now and I think I've finally figured it out (for myself at least)...
I want communication.
There is NO type of relationship in this world that can last without communication. It sounds like a very generic, impersonal answer but I can break it down and show that it is not. In a nutshell I want communication...but these reasons are why this would be my ONE answer to the question of what I want from my mate.
Communication is used to get through problems: When there is confusion between two people, the only way to solve or overcome it is communication. No one reads minds (or at least not anyone I know) so it is important for two people to be able to effectively communicate in order to get through things. When only one person speaks all the time (whether by force or because the other is silent) it makes it difficult to progress.
Unspoken communication between couples builds a bond: Ever been with someone and the two of you are in a room full of people and all you two have to do is look at each other and it will cause you both to bust out laughing? No one in that entire room knows what is so funny but it makes perfect sense to you both. To me, that is a great way for couples to bond. When two people have their own jokes, their own handshakes, even their own words for things that they've made up...it makes the relationship fun!
When you learn how to communicate with your partner it shows growth: It is easy to say that communication is important but what's not easy is knowing off hand how to communicate with everyone. Everyone does not handle things the same way. Some people are harder to communicate with because they talk more and listen less, they talk less and listen more, they are easily angered or they are very passive. It takes a very good understanding of your mate to know exactly how and when to communicate with them. It's almost like a skill because eventually you become one of the only people that knows how to communicate to them without any obstacles being in the way.
Communication builds trust: Yes, trust is a VERY critical aspect in a relationship but trust cannot be built without the key factor of communication. If your mate is constantly in the dark about your whereabouts or has no idea who certain people are to you because they havent been told...it will probably raise a few red flags. This is not to say that you should feel like you need to report things to each other because part of trust is knowing your mate will not do anything wrong, but small communication in the beginning will work out for the better in the end. It's all about what each couple & each partner is comfortable with.
The more you communicate, the more you understand your mate: Through conversations is how you got to know who you were with in the first place right? So it's not too far fetched to say that this is how you will continue getting to know who you are with right?? Exactly!! You don't just learn everything about someone over a few days/months/or even years. You continue getting to know your partner throughout your entire relationship. Everytime a new situation presents itself, you will learn something new about your S.O. if you guys have that type of relationship where you talk alot.
Communication prevents confusion or a feeling of uneasiness: This might not apply to everyone but there are plenty potential homewreckers out there so if you can't relate to this, I'm sure you have at least heard a story. Don't you hate when an outsider informs you of something that you mate should have told you? Or when someone lies to you about who you're with in efforts to sabatoge your relationship? Most of the time these same ppl have made slick comments or hinted along the lines of messing up what you have, so when you talk to your partner and they know ahead of time...it is easy to avoid conflict. It builds your bond and makes you stronger as a couple. When the lines of communication are open, no one will feel as if they are left in the dark. There will never be a question of honesty between you two because everything your mate needs to know will already have been told to them. And if someone does try to sabatoge, an open line of communication makes it easy for a S.O. to openly ask something, get an honest answer and that be the end of it.
Effective communication shows you respect your mate: Learn to just speak to one another. When you choose to communicate in a respectful way it shows...well, it shows that you respect your mate lol. If there is alot of sarcasm, yelling, attitude, etc...it will prevent the other person being spoken to from responding in a respectful manner and then the whole source of the problem is lost. Speak TO your partner and not AT them. Also, learn to listen to your mate without interruption. It doesn't mean to not share how you feel but when someone isn't allowed to get their point across it will make them draw back and it will disrupt the flow of communication. Once a couple has learned to communicate, I feel there is no stopping them.
These are the reasons I feel that communication would be my solid answer to that question. There are alot more reasons but I'm sure you get the point. COMMUNICATE with who you love if you want things to last. I have proven that it helps you get through issues, it builds a bond, it promotes growth in relationships, it builds trust and understanding, prevents confusion and it shows respect.
NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS MOST IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP...
DO YOU AGREE?? WHY???
AND IF NOT...WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS MOST IMPORTANT?? WHY???
I want communication.
There is NO type of relationship in this world that can last without communication. It sounds like a very generic, impersonal answer but I can break it down and show that it is not. In a nutshell I want communication...but these reasons are why this would be my ONE answer to the question of what I want from my mate.
Communication is used to get through problems: When there is confusion between two people, the only way to solve or overcome it is communication. No one reads minds (or at least not anyone I know) so it is important for two people to be able to effectively communicate in order to get through things. When only one person speaks all the time (whether by force or because the other is silent) it makes it difficult to progress.
Unspoken communication between couples builds a bond: Ever been with someone and the two of you are in a room full of people and all you two have to do is look at each other and it will cause you both to bust out laughing? No one in that entire room knows what is so funny but it makes perfect sense to you both. To me, that is a great way for couples to bond. When two people have their own jokes, their own handshakes, even their own words for things that they've made up...it makes the relationship fun!
When you learn how to communicate with your partner it shows growth: It is easy to say that communication is important but what's not easy is knowing off hand how to communicate with everyone. Everyone does not handle things the same way. Some people are harder to communicate with because they talk more and listen less, they talk less and listen more, they are easily angered or they are very passive. It takes a very good understanding of your mate to know exactly how and when to communicate with them. It's almost like a skill because eventually you become one of the only people that knows how to communicate to them without any obstacles being in the way.
Communication builds trust: Yes, trust is a VERY critical aspect in a relationship but trust cannot be built without the key factor of communication. If your mate is constantly in the dark about your whereabouts or has no idea who certain people are to you because they havent been told...it will probably raise a few red flags. This is not to say that you should feel like you need to report things to each other because part of trust is knowing your mate will not do anything wrong, but small communication in the beginning will work out for the better in the end. It's all about what each couple & each partner is comfortable with.
The more you communicate, the more you understand your mate: Through conversations is how you got to know who you were with in the first place right? So it's not too far fetched to say that this is how you will continue getting to know who you are with right?? Exactly!! You don't just learn everything about someone over a few days/months/or even years. You continue getting to know your partner throughout your entire relationship. Everytime a new situation presents itself, you will learn something new about your S.O. if you guys have that type of relationship where you talk alot.
Communication prevents confusion or a feeling of uneasiness: This might not apply to everyone but there are plenty potential homewreckers out there so if you can't relate to this, I'm sure you have at least heard a story. Don't you hate when an outsider informs you of something that you mate should have told you? Or when someone lies to you about who you're with in efforts to sabatoge your relationship? Most of the time these same ppl have made slick comments or hinted along the lines of messing up what you have, so when you talk to your partner and they know ahead of time...it is easy to avoid conflict. It builds your bond and makes you stronger as a couple. When the lines of communication are open, no one will feel as if they are left in the dark. There will never be a question of honesty between you two because everything your mate needs to know will already have been told to them. And if someone does try to sabatoge, an open line of communication makes it easy for a S.O. to openly ask something, get an honest answer and that be the end of it.
Effective communication shows you respect your mate: Learn to just speak to one another. When you choose to communicate in a respectful way it shows...well, it shows that you respect your mate lol. If there is alot of sarcasm, yelling, attitude, etc...it will prevent the other person being spoken to from responding in a respectful manner and then the whole source of the problem is lost. Speak TO your partner and not AT them. Also, learn to listen to your mate without interruption. It doesn't mean to not share how you feel but when someone isn't allowed to get their point across it will make them draw back and it will disrupt the flow of communication. Once a couple has learned to communicate, I feel there is no stopping them.
These are the reasons I feel that communication would be my solid answer to that question. There are alot more reasons but I'm sure you get the point. COMMUNICATE with who you love if you want things to last. I have proven that it helps you get through issues, it builds a bond, it promotes growth in relationships, it builds trust and understanding, prevents confusion and it shows respect.
NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS MOST IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP...
DO YOU AGREE?? WHY???
AND IF NOT...WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS MOST IMPORTANT?? WHY???
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Mirror Image
idk why but lately people have been asking me for ALL types of advice...and it isnt even necessarily people that read the blog! just my friends & shit...and i've come across a recurring theme in all the advice i give out...
usually, what people are complaining about are things they have issues dealing with within themselves. My homegirl tells me that her girl is selfish and doesnt want to change. All the while she is complaining about things ahe has done in the past and KEEPS bringing up how she doesnt think she will change & maybe its time for her to move on. I know one thing about me is that if i'm trying to change something within MYSELF for someone ELSE, the LAAAST thing i wanna hear is that motherfuker complaining about me not changing OVERNIGHT!
Like come on, people expect that just because you have realized change or improvement is needed & want to take the steps towards it, doesnt mean your whole attitude whill instantly approve. People slip back into old habits during a time like that & what they need is someone who notices the POSITIVE within them too.
I felt like the fact that she would even STILL be constantly bringing up the past is a sign that she might just be the selfish one. Help your mate out some...
This brings me to the point of past cheaters....Looooord knows if your mate used to cheat...do not (I REPEAT...DO NOOOOOT) keep bringing that shit up! All you are doing is either reminding WHY they cheated or reminding them about the person they cheated WITH....either one is bad lol
but back to the mirror image thing...if you're constantly accusing someone of doing something...it's gonna start looking like you've been sniffing in other peoples gardens & are insecure that its happening to YOU on the other end! It always makes you look like you lack trust in your partner.
Sooo people, my best advice to anyone with a complaint about their mate is to look at yourself in that same way & see if you're committing the same acts you are accusing them of cuz chances are...you probably are!
And you have two options if you're dealing with someone you have a negative past with...
1. let that shit go
2. let that person go
(holding onto both WONT work out for you)
-T. Simpson
usually, what people are complaining about are things they have issues dealing with within themselves. My homegirl tells me that her girl is selfish and doesnt want to change. All the while she is complaining about things ahe has done in the past and KEEPS bringing up how she doesnt think she will change & maybe its time for her to move on. I know one thing about me is that if i'm trying to change something within MYSELF for someone ELSE, the LAAAST thing i wanna hear is that motherfuker complaining about me not changing OVERNIGHT!
Like come on, people expect that just because you have realized change or improvement is needed & want to take the steps towards it, doesnt mean your whole attitude whill instantly approve. People slip back into old habits during a time like that & what they need is someone who notices the POSITIVE within them too.
I felt like the fact that she would even STILL be constantly bringing up the past is a sign that she might just be the selfish one. Help your mate out some...
This brings me to the point of past cheaters....Looooord knows if your mate used to cheat...do not (I REPEAT...DO NOOOOOT) keep bringing that shit up! All you are doing is either reminding WHY they cheated or reminding them about the person they cheated WITH....either one is bad lol
but back to the mirror image thing...if you're constantly accusing someone of doing something...it's gonna start looking like you've been sniffing in other peoples gardens & are insecure that its happening to YOU on the other end! It always makes you look like you lack trust in your partner.
Sooo people, my best advice to anyone with a complaint about their mate is to look at yourself in that same way & see if you're committing the same acts you are accusing them of cuz chances are...you probably are!
And you have two options if you're dealing with someone you have a negative past with...
1. let that shit go
2. let that person go
(holding onto both WONT work out for you)
-T. Simpson
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Take Me As I Am
i was having a conversation with a very good friend some weeks ago and we came across the subject of her not being satisfied with the progression of her relationship...or "situationship" that she was in. She said he wasn't moving fast enough for her because he was not doing what she was used to as far as distinguishing stages in building a relationship.
She said that he always wants her around and in the crib but he never pays her any attention. She said that he bought her to All Star Weekend this year and she was the only girl and he paid her little to no mind. All his friends were passing comments like "you bringing sand to the beach now??" To her, these things were NOT what she was/is looking for but to me, he damn near was ready to propose to her.
This is my advice that i gave:
KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH FOR WHO THEY ARE!!!
Everyone is always on a kick to change someone or make them fit you or something along those lines. Sometimes bloggers, you just have to accept someone for who they are. I'm not saying that progression in a person isn't a quality you should want, because eveyrone at some point in their life should want to progress...i'm just saying that people have certain ways abotu them that are not going to change and you have to take their signs of love for what they are.
I saw him wanting her over there all the time as him saying that he enjoys her company and even though he's still gonna parlay with his boys and shit...he feels comfortable knowing that she is in his presence...it gives him a sense of security in a way. I took her going to all start weekend as the only female his way of saying..."baby this is not shit that i usually do but i'm feeling you so i'm bringing you FREE OF CHARGE OR ANY EXPENSES...to all star weekend with me and MY NIGGAS!!" When his friends passed their comments abotu bringing sand to the beach, that was a dead giveaway that this is not normally shit that he does...and this is a big step for him. Whether he gave all his attention to her or not...in his mind he was thinking he did something so special for her...andin a way...he did.
I have another friend who thinks her girl is falling out of love. They had a falling out before because my friend was easy to wear her heart on her sleeve and give ALL her emotions to her girl. After that incident she because cold and put a huuuge wall up between the two of them in order not to get hurt again. What my friend didn't realize is that she had that wall up way too long and started believing that this was actually how she always acted towards her girlfriend. She wasn't even noticing the little things her girl was doing to get her to tear parts of this wall down. For the first time since they had dated...her girl said "i love you" first. This isnt no big shit to me because it's mutual between me & mine...but to her it should have been historic! They had been dating on and off for about 5 years!! Thats big shit.
When someone steps outside of theirself and the normal shit that they have grown accustomed to doing...as their mate, you HAVE to take notcie to these things or it could damper a part of your relationship that doesnt even need to be brought up.
People let their egos and not wanting to give in to people be their downfall. If you want your relationship to last...KNOW your mate...like REALLY know them for who they are and then figure out with that information if they are giving you the love you want and the way you want it. Never base it off of how you love though...because.....
EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.
These are just my words of advice. Anyone ever been in a situation where they misjudged something by not knowing their mate well enough? Or have you been the one who was misunderstood or judged incorrectly??
She said that he always wants her around and in the crib but he never pays her any attention. She said that he bought her to All Star Weekend this year and she was the only girl and he paid her little to no mind. All his friends were passing comments like "you bringing sand to the beach now??" To her, these things were NOT what she was/is looking for but to me, he damn near was ready to propose to her.
This is my advice that i gave:
KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH FOR WHO THEY ARE!!!
Everyone is always on a kick to change someone or make them fit you or something along those lines. Sometimes bloggers, you just have to accept someone for who they are. I'm not saying that progression in a person isn't a quality you should want, because eveyrone at some point in their life should want to progress...i'm just saying that people have certain ways abotu them that are not going to change and you have to take their signs of love for what they are.
I saw him wanting her over there all the time as him saying that he enjoys her company and even though he's still gonna parlay with his boys and shit...he feels comfortable knowing that she is in his presence...it gives him a sense of security in a way. I took her going to all start weekend as the only female his way of saying..."baby this is not shit that i usually do but i'm feeling you so i'm bringing you FREE OF CHARGE OR ANY EXPENSES...to all star weekend with me and MY NIGGAS!!" When his friends passed their comments abotu bringing sand to the beach, that was a dead giveaway that this is not normally shit that he does...and this is a big step for him. Whether he gave all his attention to her or not...in his mind he was thinking he did something so special for her...andin a way...he did.
I have another friend who thinks her girl is falling out of love. They had a falling out before because my friend was easy to wear her heart on her sleeve and give ALL her emotions to her girl. After that incident she because cold and put a huuuge wall up between the two of them in order not to get hurt again. What my friend didn't realize is that she had that wall up way too long and started believing that this was actually how she always acted towards her girlfriend. She wasn't even noticing the little things her girl was doing to get her to tear parts of this wall down. For the first time since they had dated...her girl said "i love you" first. This isnt no big shit to me because it's mutual between me & mine...but to her it should have been historic! They had been dating on and off for about 5 years!! Thats big shit.
When someone steps outside of theirself and the normal shit that they have grown accustomed to doing...as their mate, you HAVE to take notcie to these things or it could damper a part of your relationship that doesnt even need to be brought up.
People let their egos and not wanting to give in to people be their downfall. If you want your relationship to last...KNOW your mate...like REALLY know them for who they are and then figure out with that information if they are giving you the love you want and the way you want it. Never base it off of how you love though...because.....
EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.
These are just my words of advice. Anyone ever been in a situation where they misjudged something by not knowing their mate well enough? Or have you been the one who was misunderstood or judged incorrectly??
Friday, January 30, 2009
What Women Want...
First let me apologize for the pause in entries but school has just begun and i am on the grind like nobodies business...had to get my schedule and classes straight. They are all together now so i'm good to go...and great to write lol
Anywayz...
Had an almost deep convo with a few male friends, that will probably never get finished...but it made me want to get into the heads of my blog family!
We were talking about the things that we would want in our mate. I used to have this convo allll the time, i even gave my answer when the blog Real Women, Real Talk posed the question....but i think it has changed since then, which is crazy bc that was not that long ago. I just recently finalized a break up with someone so maybe thats why but i dont know. Life works in weird, off the wall, surprising ways so it may not even be the end to that situation and relationship but as of right now...it did change the things i'd want in a mate. Not so much because of him, but because i'm just seeing things differently and looking through a different pair of eyes....
What i Want in a Man is:
-Someone who makes me laugh even when i dont want to. The only time i dont want that to happen is when i am wanting to be taken seriously because it only angers me when people crack jokes when im genuinely bothered by something.
-A man that knows my moods like his own and responds to them accordingly. For example, i am a spoiled brat...my mood goes two ways with that though. I am either being spoiled and whining a little for some attention, or i'm just being a plain old bitch because well, its part of my attitude. When i am just being a big baby (everyone has their baby moments, dont judge me lol), i want a man who will see that, give me the 5 mins of attention i want, and most likely deserve, and then we both go about our day. If i'm being a bitch, i want a man that will put me in my place without being a dictator or control freak about it. Trust, to me there is nothing sexier than a man that can lay down the law without making me feel like his child or like he owns me. There are ways to do it...i'm just saying what i want tho, i'm not giving up the advice and ways to do it also. In that case, i'd just date and fuck myself lol.
-I want someone who has a rough side to them. No, not like an ax murderer rough side but just someone who has seen both sides of the world and can relate to either one. They can be themselves around the fellas and then STILL be themselves around business professionals bc they hold and can carry both those sides of their personalities.
-I NEED a man who is willing to recieve AND give without it being an issue. I am an extremely giving person and it takes little simple things to make me feel as if that is appreciated. Shit, i'll take hugs, kisses, little silly notes, things being made for me...anything that makes me feel as if i am a valued part of your life because well, if i'm not...then i shouldn't be a part of it.
-COMMUNICATION...i want it, need it, dream about it at night (lol) Ok ok, maybe not the last one but it is key to ANY relationship! I have no problem telling my significant other my whereabouts when they ask or saying who i with because i have nothing to hide. I used to cheat but i dont anymore so whats wrong with answering a few questions here and there. I want a man that doesn't feel like communicating with me is a chore, or some type of "reporting" back to me. Trust, i have no desire to know anyone's every move because that's just crazy. I will ask every once and a while where you are or who you're with but its not to keep tabs, it's only bc well, sometimes i'm just nosey and those are regular ass convo questions, u kno?
-I would like to date someone who completely holds me down, no matter what the circumstances. I dont know about other people because everyone has their own agendas, but i wanted to be married young so that i could have kids young and be able to live my life with my husband for a bit, have our kids and then enjoy the rest of our lives as a family. I just turned 24 and most likely expect to be with someone for at least some years before an engagement or marriage so its not like im rushing to do anything TODAY...i just had a plan in my head...doesnt have to turn out that way, it's just something i thought about and would be happy if it worked out that way. I say all that to say, HOW am i going to call someone my husband who NEVER has my back. I need someone who loves me no matter what anyone else has to say. That will defend me when they KNOW people have the wrong idea or misconception of me and not be afraid to do it. Most ppl dont realize that if you have friends, that are true, genuine friends, they will be there regardless of anything else going on. If they dont like who you are with and befriend you for it, they werent shit to begin with. My friends have had problems with exes...even my family has, but if i felt strongly enough to say i loved them, then i'm going to defend any misconceptions or judgements anyoen has. I've done it in the past and still have the same family and friends...never mattered...i hold my mate down no matter what. Even when i'm mad, i have their back...so i expect the same.
I have alot more things i can get into but they are ALL so detailed and i'm curious to know what my readers want from their mate! Everyone is different and we all want different things so...
What do YOU want????????
Anywayz...
Had an almost deep convo with a few male friends, that will probably never get finished...but it made me want to get into the heads of my blog family!
We were talking about the things that we would want in our mate. I used to have this convo allll the time, i even gave my answer when the blog Real Women, Real Talk posed the question....but i think it has changed since then, which is crazy bc that was not that long ago. I just recently finalized a break up with someone so maybe thats why but i dont know. Life works in weird, off the wall, surprising ways so it may not even be the end to that situation and relationship but as of right now...it did change the things i'd want in a mate. Not so much because of him, but because i'm just seeing things differently and looking through a different pair of eyes....
What i Want in a Man is:
-Someone who makes me laugh even when i dont want to. The only time i dont want that to happen is when i am wanting to be taken seriously because it only angers me when people crack jokes when im genuinely bothered by something.
-A man that knows my moods like his own and responds to them accordingly. For example, i am a spoiled brat...my mood goes two ways with that though. I am either being spoiled and whining a little for some attention, or i'm just being a plain old bitch because well, its part of my attitude. When i am just being a big baby (everyone has their baby moments, dont judge me lol), i want a man who will see that, give me the 5 mins of attention i want, and most likely deserve, and then we both go about our day. If i'm being a bitch, i want a man that will put me in my place without being a dictator or control freak about it. Trust, to me there is nothing sexier than a man that can lay down the law without making me feel like his child or like he owns me. There are ways to do it...i'm just saying what i want tho, i'm not giving up the advice and ways to do it also. In that case, i'd just date and fuck myself lol.
-I want someone who has a rough side to them. No, not like an ax murderer rough side but just someone who has seen both sides of the world and can relate to either one. They can be themselves around the fellas and then STILL be themselves around business professionals bc they hold and can carry both those sides of their personalities.
-I NEED a man who is willing to recieve AND give without it being an issue. I am an extremely giving person and it takes little simple things to make me feel as if that is appreciated. Shit, i'll take hugs, kisses, little silly notes, things being made for me...anything that makes me feel as if i am a valued part of your life because well, if i'm not...then i shouldn't be a part of it.
-COMMUNICATION...i want it, need it, dream about it at night (lol) Ok ok, maybe not the last one but it is key to ANY relationship! I have no problem telling my significant other my whereabouts when they ask or saying who i with because i have nothing to hide. I used to cheat but i dont anymore so whats wrong with answering a few questions here and there. I want a man that doesn't feel like communicating with me is a chore, or some type of "reporting" back to me. Trust, i have no desire to know anyone's every move because that's just crazy. I will ask every once and a while where you are or who you're with but its not to keep tabs, it's only bc well, sometimes i'm just nosey and those are regular ass convo questions, u kno?
-I would like to date someone who completely holds me down, no matter what the circumstances. I dont know about other people because everyone has their own agendas, but i wanted to be married young so that i could have kids young and be able to live my life with my husband for a bit, have our kids and then enjoy the rest of our lives as a family. I just turned 24 and most likely expect to be with someone for at least some years before an engagement or marriage so its not like im rushing to do anything TODAY...i just had a plan in my head...doesnt have to turn out that way, it's just something i thought about and would be happy if it worked out that way. I say all that to say, HOW am i going to call someone my husband who NEVER has my back. I need someone who loves me no matter what anyone else has to say. That will defend me when they KNOW people have the wrong idea or misconception of me and not be afraid to do it. Most ppl dont realize that if you have friends, that are true, genuine friends, they will be there regardless of anything else going on. If they dont like who you are with and befriend you for it, they werent shit to begin with. My friends have had problems with exes...even my family has, but if i felt strongly enough to say i loved them, then i'm going to defend any misconceptions or judgements anyoen has. I've done it in the past and still have the same family and friends...never mattered...i hold my mate down no matter what. Even when i'm mad, i have their back...so i expect the same.
I have alot more things i can get into but they are ALL so detailed and i'm curious to know what my readers want from their mate! Everyone is different and we all want different things so...
What do YOU want????????
Monday, January 19, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Can You Hear Me NOW??? GOOOOOD!!
disclaimer: i've been told i was falling off with the blog, so i'm gonna try to keep it a bit more consistent. sorry to those who are faithful readers and commenters. i'm back on my shit.
Communication- the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs
i added this definition because it seems like there is a fine line drawn between the sexes about what this word REALLY means. Personally, i'm excellent at communicating when needing to get my point across, when working on a project, when speaking to a boss or co-worker, or any other daily part of my routine where communication is needed...i'm good at it.
For some ODD reason though...i am not so great at communicating with my own man!! Our words get mixed up, signals get crossed, messages get misconstrued...like...i know its not only me so WHAT IS IT ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS THAT MAKES IT SOO DAMN HARD TO TALK TO SOMEONE?
You could be the best of friends with someone and be able to share anything with them, tell them all your personal business and just...be friends...but once a relationship enters the picture, guards go up and barriers are placed on the communication lines.
Its so crazy to me because i feel like as a couple, there should be nothing that you cant communicate with your mate. Relationships bring so many things into play (i.e. jealousy, envy, pride, miscommunication, trust issues, "rules"...like, its so damn crazy.
Females see communication as something positive that can build a relationship and keep it strong. To us, it helps build and gain trust, helps prevent dumb ass issues caused by miscommunication and at the same time, keeps both parties on the same page.
Males, on the other hand, see communication as a way a female is trying to control them. To them its like telling us what they're doing means they are reporting to us. Like its so bad just to say where you're at or what you're doing. Smdh @ that.
I could be wrong about both parties though...so let me know if i am.
I guess my real inquiry is...why does it seem like when you get into a relationship with someone...the communication fucks up?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Tatt, Tatt, Tatted up!
the other day i spoke to my homeboy that i havent spoken to in a loooong time. he told me he had a new girl but had ONE biiiig issue with her...this girl has tattoos EVERYWHERE! and not in places which are discreet...but in places where any and EVERY one can see them. this isnt necessarily a big issue to him...but he's worried about the family introductions and going out to fancy places where a gown or something is required...and she'll have all these damn tattoos showing...mind you, i have five tattoos myself. no one ever knows though unless i show them and the most obvious spot i have one in...is my shoulder (some people may say my lower back but thats usually covered unless at a party. i said that to say, im NOT against tattoos at all...in any way! i do however think it is tacky (no offense to anyone) to have tattoos all over your body, in random places and then go out somewhere classy and try to look like a part of the crowd. if you dont plan on involving evening gowns or anything of that sort to your activities list, then by all means, handle your business.
shit, i was even slightly embarrassed when i was in a wedding and had the tattoo on my shoulder showing :(
thought i stood out like a sore thumb.
but my question really is...would you date someone who had tattoos any and everywhere?? or have you??? did it change any dynamics in your relationship?
what about for the ladies? how do you feel about tattoos? cuz i LOVE bodies covered in them...as long as i can still take you out places without people mistaking you for a rapper lmao
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Date My Mom
ok ok ok, i've been slacking ALOT but im BAAAAACK!!!
now there has been a topic thats been on my mind for a while now and i want to ask my blog family...
Would you date someone who has kids from a previous relationship??
I personally havent dated anyone who had kids already. Not really for any reason besides the fact that no one i have been interested in has had children already. I have ex's who have kids now but ummm, that has nothing to do with me anymore.
I've heard friends tell me they are involved with a bf/gf that has children, or at least one child and i hear so many mixed opinions about it ALL the time. I'm wondering what its like to be in a relationship with someone with a child.
i also wonder if anyone is in that situation now. how do you deal with it? is it easier said than done? cuz Lord knows i am SO against baby mama drama!!! (or baby daddy drama...we dont discriminate here lol)
i've always felt like if i was in those shoes that i wouldnt know how to feel. to me it would depend on how long they werent with the mother or father of the child. also, how is their relationship now? because some who have kids together feels that makes it ok to still be "body rocking the boots" lmao
BIG BIG ISSUE: i would feel strange about how the child felt about me. The age would make an extreeeeme difference...idk...i wanna know how my readers feel!
let me know people...
now there has been a topic thats been on my mind for a while now and i want to ask my blog family...
Would you date someone who has kids from a previous relationship??
I personally havent dated anyone who had kids already. Not really for any reason besides the fact that no one i have been interested in has had children already. I have ex's who have kids now but ummm, that has nothing to do with me anymore.
I've heard friends tell me they are involved with a bf/gf that has children, or at least one child and i hear so many mixed opinions about it ALL the time. I'm wondering what its like to be in a relationship with someone with a child.
i also wonder if anyone is in that situation now. how do you deal with it? is it easier said than done? cuz Lord knows i am SO against baby mama drama!!! (or baby daddy drama...we dont discriminate here lol)
i've always felt like if i was in those shoes that i wouldnt know how to feel. to me it would depend on how long they werent with the mother or father of the child. also, how is their relationship now? because some who have kids together feels that makes it ok to still be "body rocking the boots" lmao
BIG BIG ISSUE: i would feel strange about how the child felt about me. The age would make an extreeeeme difference...idk...i wanna know how my readers feel!
let me know people...
Friday, December 19, 2008
Two Steps Forward!! Two Steps BACK???
Today's blog is about whether or not people should take steps backwards by dating or fucking with someone from the past. this topic was brought to my attention by my good friend Aliyah and when she asked me this question, well shit, i didnt know what to tell her!! now that ive gotten time to sit and think about it, i think i have a pretty decent answer...
so many people have been in the situation where they have been approached by an ex on the topic of being together again. i've seen it happen way too often...it has even happened to me. my outlook on it is...
"only go backwards if the reason you stopped being together was not interferring with forward progress"
if you were with someone and you stopped dating because one of you cheated, i think it should be left alone. if one of you was brutally dishonest, then i dont feel there's a need to try again.
but...if its a reason like..."our parents didnt want us together" or "we felt we were too far apart, distance wise, to make it work" then i believe it can be given another shot. Nothing in the last two examples was the fault of either party which means that things were ended on mutual terms and there can still be something there.
if the reason involves cheating, dishonesty or betrayal, let that shit stay where its at...in the past!! The relationship obviously was not based on much if those factors came into play...so why try it again?
after saying that, theres another stipulation i think would alter my answer. How long ago has it been since you were with this person? is this a fresh break up? or has it been years and years? i believe people make mistakes so not all cheating and lying is completely deliberate BUT...if the cheating happened yeeeears ago and you have both been with other people since then, what the fuck is the point anyway??? why are you trying to rebuild something that crashed and burned SO long ago?
If its a fresh break up and you guys are still actively communicating and tyring to talk and work things out, then i say more power to you. Myabe the person realizes what a fuck-up they made and needs a second chance to prove that they can make things work.
one more stipulation...how important as this person to you? did you guys really even have something serious? or was it just puppy love from jump? is it something you saw going anywhere? did you really feel like you had a shot with this person to spend your life with? Because if i give an ex a chane at this point...i'm looking for something long term. not just a trail period to see what may and may not happen AGAIN. If im gonna be testing something out, it would be with someone new so that im not sitting there already expecting certain results.
i dont do that whole "dont know what you got til its gone" bullshit. how does that worl out anyway? you have something right in your face for months or even years that is damn near perfect...and it takes you losing it for you to realizze how special it was?!!?!??!?
BULLSHIT!!!
If it takes you years and years to figure out that shit was good when you had it...then quite frankly, you're an ASSHOLE (my apologies to anyone who fits in that category but im being real)
That's almost like someone dying thats close to you and you sit and say that you didnt realize how much they meant until they were gone! i CANT get down with that one!! It should NOT take extreme measures to appreciate what and who you have in your life!
I think an ex trying to come back around is actually quite selfish. We've gone all this time without each other, i've had my time to get over you...and now here you come with a sob story about ho no other female/male worked out and were nothing like the person you want back so, can we give it another shot? NIGGA/BITCH PLEASE!!!
i'm not about to sit here and go backwards because you could not find a replacement for me!! must be kidding...
(sorry im so into this topic but i feel some type of way for real...just doesnt make sense to me)
there are ex's i've wnated to hit up like...what happened to us? maybe we should try again but i wouldn't. That can completely mess up whatever they have because now they are sitting there with thoughts of how things could have potentially worked out for the two of you. And all that happens is another relationship where i am sitting there wondering whether or not history will repeat itself. Because people can say they forgive all they want...but no one ever forgets something as painful as a break up.
i could go on for days about whether or not you should go back to your past and try to make it your future but i want to know what you guys think...
SHOULD YOU EVER GIVE YOUR PAST ANOTHER SHOT? UNDER WHAT STIPULATIONS??
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
To Love or To Be In Love...
I love you... I'm in love with you...
These are words quite often use to describe one's feeling for their significant other. I've been asking myself for awhile whats the difference of the two statements? What makes the other statement more powerful? When will you know that you've fallen in love with that person?
Love is the single most important feeling in the human universe. Love is being there for another human being, being there completely and without hesitation. It's talking and communicating, sharing special moments, sharing everyday life and boring Sundays. It is loving each other at the parties, when everything is fine, and being there during the dull and grey weekdays, thus making them even more colourful than the largest party spent away from your Love. Love is slowly getting to know all about this wonderful other human being. It is knowing your Love's past and accepting it, it is cherishing the gift it is to be together in the present, and it's knowing that no matter what happens, you will be there in the future. Love is, narrowed to a very basic word, a question of trust. It is letting go and trusting this other person. It is not being afraid that what you say will be passed on to others. It's knowing that your Love will not laugh at you or think you're silly when you talk about your doubts and fears, because we all have doubts and fears! And once you trust your Love, once you know that what he or she tells you is the complete truth, once you know that your Love will not leave you should you become fat and old, should you get paralysed and blind, then you are free ! It sounds so simple, and anyone who have felt like this will agree - it is the best feeling in the world!
However, whats the difference between loving someone and being in love??
Being in love is a condition. Loving is an action. Being in love usually describes what is happening to you. Loving usually describes what you do about it. There's nothing wrong with being in love. But what you do about it is most important.
I believe that the magic element is the individual will to include the other in his or her life. A person becomes "in love" by choice. The difference between love and being in love is the softening of one's heart to the other. It's a chouce each person really needs to make for him or herself. Obviously, you can not will another person in love with you.
A person in love sees the best in his or her loved one and is able to overlook the other's shortcomings. Being in love, in actuality, doesn't change loving people. It creates a new view of each person for him or herself and for each other. It is like selective sunbeams shining in on our best views, leaving the rest in muted shadows.
The problem with the "in love" focus comes when the cozy feelings are used as a barometer to determine a level of commitment in a relationship. This way of thinking overturns the way love works. It should be the other way around. Loving individuals give tenderly out of their love and commitment for each other. They both contribute to the security and warmth of the relationship and nurture their love for each other.
People "in love" most often become disillusioned because the intense cozy feelings fade away. Once the infatuation has worn off, as it always does, these people suddenly believe they must not have been meant for each other. Otherwise, they would still be feeling the same intensity of love for each other.
I think that being in love is a preparatory emotion that helps people overcome their selfishness long enough to BEGIN loving each other. The infatuation is not the goal. The goal is to sacrifice one's own selfishness, to gain a deeper appreciation and tolerance for the other, and to learn to love with lasting commitment. To be truly in love is to be considerate for your loved one's life-long well being. This kind of love needs to deepen in order for meaningful relationships to last. These are the couples who stay in love.
The opinions and views on the difference of love and being in love will vary. So my question(s) are what is your definition of love and being in love? When would you know that you've fallen in love? And could being in love be confused with infatuation?
These are words quite often use to describe one's feeling for their significant other. I've been asking myself for awhile whats the difference of the two statements? What makes the other statement more powerful? When will you know that you've fallen in love with that person?
Love is the single most important feeling in the human universe. Love is being there for another human being, being there completely and without hesitation. It's talking and communicating, sharing special moments, sharing everyday life and boring Sundays. It is loving each other at the parties, when everything is fine, and being there during the dull and grey weekdays, thus making them even more colourful than the largest party spent away from your Love. Love is slowly getting to know all about this wonderful other human being. It is knowing your Love's past and accepting it, it is cherishing the gift it is to be together in the present, and it's knowing that no matter what happens, you will be there in the future. Love is, narrowed to a very basic word, a question of trust. It is letting go and trusting this other person. It is not being afraid that what you say will be passed on to others. It's knowing that your Love will not laugh at you or think you're silly when you talk about your doubts and fears, because we all have doubts and fears! And once you trust your Love, once you know that what he or she tells you is the complete truth, once you know that your Love will not leave you should you become fat and old, should you get paralysed and blind, then you are free ! It sounds so simple, and anyone who have felt like this will agree - it is the best feeling in the world!
However, whats the difference between loving someone and being in love??
Being in love is a condition. Loving is an action. Being in love usually describes what is happening to you. Loving usually describes what you do about it. There's nothing wrong with being in love. But what you do about it is most important.
I believe that the magic element is the individual will to include the other in his or her life. A person becomes "in love" by choice. The difference between love and being in love is the softening of one's heart to the other. It's a chouce each person really needs to make for him or herself. Obviously, you can not will another person in love with you.
A person in love sees the best in his or her loved one and is able to overlook the other's shortcomings. Being in love, in actuality, doesn't change loving people. It creates a new view of each person for him or herself and for each other. It is like selective sunbeams shining in on our best views, leaving the rest in muted shadows.
The problem with the "in love" focus comes when the cozy feelings are used as a barometer to determine a level of commitment in a relationship. This way of thinking overturns the way love works. It should be the other way around. Loving individuals give tenderly out of their love and commitment for each other. They both contribute to the security and warmth of the relationship and nurture their love for each other.
People "in love" most often become disillusioned because the intense cozy feelings fade away. Once the infatuation has worn off, as it always does, these people suddenly believe they must not have been meant for each other. Otherwise, they would still be feeling the same intensity of love for each other.
I think that being in love is a preparatory emotion that helps people overcome their selfishness long enough to BEGIN loving each other. The infatuation is not the goal. The goal is to sacrifice one's own selfishness, to gain a deeper appreciation and tolerance for the other, and to learn to love with lasting commitment. To be truly in love is to be considerate for your loved one's life-long well being. This kind of love needs to deepen in order for meaningful relationships to last. These are the couples who stay in love.
The opinions and views on the difference of love and being in love will vary. So my question(s) are what is your definition of love and being in love? When would you know that you've fallen in love? And could being in love be confused with infatuation?
{miss sophisticated}
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Do You Know What You Want In A Mate???
"i like nice eyes"
"i love guys with nice bodies"
"i hate it when females wear excessive amounts of make-up"
"i'm attracted to light-skinned guys"
everyone reading this blog has said something similar to one of these things, but is the person you describe as your preference really who you end up with??
When i was younger i used to sit down and write lists of all the physical qualities that i'd want in my significant other. Some of them included that he be dark-skinned, have braids or a neat cut, be taller than me, know how to dress and that he have nice eyes and a nice smile.
As i got older, my list changed EVERY single time. Something about my preferences ALWAYS changed and it made me think...does it really matter what our preferences are because no one really goes by them. If you were to ask me today what kind of guy i liked, my answer would be SO simple....
one that makes me laugh.
no, that's not ALL i want in my mate but it is the single first thing that i am attracted to. i dont care how good you look and if you meet every single preference that i have...if our personalities clash, it's NOT gonna work out.
If you took every guy i used to date or deal with on a level deeper than sex...NONE of these guys would look the same...so do i really have a preference. Now that i'm getting older, my preferences seems to be very different. i find myself more attracted to light skinned guys, bald guys, taller guys. But if a dark skinned dude with dreds that was the same height as me had me cracking up the first time we met...i'm gonna give him a chance.
I'd much rather live my life full of meaningful convos, laughter and being able to relate to who i end up with in the long run...then to sit there and just have a nigga i can look at who has a nasty attitude and no respect.
but trust...if i could combine BOTH...woooo weeee!!
i actually found someone who possessed all the INNER qualities i want in a man (& Lord knows he keeps me DYING LAUGHING)...as well as the OUTER beauty (because he is FINE!!)...just waiting for time and God to do their work ;-)
but anywho: Do you have any preferences? If so, how long have you had them and have they ever changed? Are looks or personality more important to you? Or are they both equally necessary in your relationships???
"i love guys with nice bodies"
"i hate it when females wear excessive amounts of make-up"
"i'm attracted to light-skinned guys"
everyone reading this blog has said something similar to one of these things, but is the person you describe as your preference really who you end up with??
When i was younger i used to sit down and write lists of all the physical qualities that i'd want in my significant other. Some of them included that he be dark-skinned, have braids or a neat cut, be taller than me, know how to dress and that he have nice eyes and a nice smile.
As i got older, my list changed EVERY single time. Something about my preferences ALWAYS changed and it made me think...does it really matter what our preferences are because no one really goes by them. If you were to ask me today what kind of guy i liked, my answer would be SO simple....
one that makes me laugh.
no, that's not ALL i want in my mate but it is the single first thing that i am attracted to. i dont care how good you look and if you meet every single preference that i have...if our personalities clash, it's NOT gonna work out.
If you took every guy i used to date or deal with on a level deeper than sex...NONE of these guys would look the same...so do i really have a preference. Now that i'm getting older, my preferences seems to be very different. i find myself more attracted to light skinned guys, bald guys, taller guys. But if a dark skinned dude with dreds that was the same height as me had me cracking up the first time we met...i'm gonna give him a chance.
I'd much rather live my life full of meaningful convos, laughter and being able to relate to who i end up with in the long run...then to sit there and just have a nigga i can look at who has a nasty attitude and no respect.
but trust...if i could combine BOTH...woooo weeee!!
i actually found someone who possessed all the INNER qualities i want in a man (& Lord knows he keeps me DYING LAUGHING)...as well as the OUTER beauty (because he is FINE!!)...just waiting for time and God to do their work ;-)
but anywho: Do you have any preferences? If so, how long have you had them and have they ever changed? Are looks or personality more important to you? Or are they both equally necessary in your relationships???
Friday, December 5, 2008
"Situationships"
YES!! We get to another one of my FAVORITE topics..."situationships"
For those of you who dont know what a "situationship" is, i will give you
MY definition for one...not anyone elses'
Situationship- a relationship between two people that involves hanging out, affection, sex and feelings for one another WITHOUT a title involved. An agreement between two people to enjoy each other's company and time without being committed to one another. A situationship does not have to involve all of the aspects mentioned above...but it most definitely CANNOT involve a title of any sort.
Ahhhh, we finally get to talk about a subject that almost EVERYONE has a different opinion on!! And one thing i love is a good debate between the sexes...
So many times in my life have i had to put up with a guy saying he "doesnt want a title"...mind you i hardly ever ask for one lol but i guess they just thought they should let me know. So, as a female i have experienced a plethora of different "situationships" all that depended on the person i was dealing with. Some didn't involve sex, some didnt involve emotions and others involved everything a relationship would...without it actually being called a relationship.
It can go both ways in the "situationship"...it can very well be the man pressing the woman (or whatever your preference) being together and putting a title on something. Whichever way it does go though...it still occurs very much. I've heard more and more of my friends saying they have a "boo" or a "FWB (friend with benefits) than i have heard them say they actually were in a committed relationship with someone.
Now i know everyone isnt going to just jump into something head first without getting to know someone. To me, that isnt where the "situationship" starts...that is a courtship. The "situationship" starts when you notice that you've been "dealing with" the same person for 1 yr+ and yall still havent even discussed being together.
Some people are cool with that...at times i'm cool with it too...but what happens when one catches feelings and one doesnt? Where does the "situationship" go from there? And should these stipulations be discussed when you first enter into something...or after the person starts catching feelings??
Granted, i used to be the poster child for "situationships" because i have the mentality of a dude...or had. I liked to keep everyone as a "close friend" so that no one would think they had me as a girlfriend or anything of that sort. I still am an avid supporter of the "situationship", i just think its gotten a bit too...how can i put this?...wide spread for me lol
My only real questions are (although you can answer any i have had during my brainstorm) is...what is YOUR definition of a "situationship" and how does it differ from an actual relationship to you? Have you ever been in one? And would you prefer a "situationship" over a relationship...and why?
Last but not least...what would make you want to move from a "situationship" into a relationship? And vice versa?
_Ms Simpson_
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Also Known As......
i have a little story to tell that will get a laugh out of you AND lead me into this next blog topic...
i have a friend who was dating a guy for a couple of months and things started getting a little serious. one day she is randomly looking through his phone and sees that there is someone saved in it as "wifey". she approaches the guy with this and his response is....
"ohhh her? thats Wifey (which he pronounced We-Fay), my African friend"
wooooooooow.
so my homegirl laughs (at him) and goes on to tell him to call her so that she can know that he is telling the truth and his response is...
"it wouldnt make any sense...she doesnt speak english"
yes, yes people...this is a true to life story and it really did happen.
that brings me to my blog topic...
the names that people save people as in their phone...either to deviate a snooping significant other or to remember who they are.
why is it that every male i have talked to has this strange "male trait" to save females in their phone under a special name to remember who they are?? what ever happened to the days of matching a voice or a face to a name. i know alot of people have similar name...but come on now...whats REALLY going on??
some might not yet understand what i mean, so i will give a better example. my co-writer for this blog happens to have a HUGE backside...so maybe a dude would save her in their phone as "Big Booty Rita" or "Rita Stallion" or some crazy shit like "Rita BA (as in Big Ass)...sorry Serita...love you dearly but your ass is huge!!!
where did this crazy tradition of the nickname transpire??
because i am honest on this blog, i will admit that i have put a few codes in my phone to remember who some people were...but they were not nearly as drastic as some of the things i have seen!!! If i meet someone at, lets say, Strata...i use to put in my phone (Arthur STRATA) and thats pretty much common sense. I looked through a male friends phone and saw all types of asterix and exclamation points and im just lost as all hell!!!
what does it all meaaaaann????????????
so, because this is not such a large topic, ill break my questions up for the sexes...
Guys (feel free to answer anonymously as to not 'blow your cover'lol):
What codes for females do you keep in your phone? Any special symbols or characters that differenciate the 'hoe' from the 'housewife'?? What made you start using specific codes or different names for people? (that is if you do)
Ladies (you can answer anonymously too):
Being that ive seen this done more with males...have you ever discovered any codes in a phone? What do you think you may be saved as in some guys you know phone?? Do YOU keep special codes for the guys/girls you meet??
Both Sexes:
Ever saved someone under a completely different name (i.e. your side boo Tracy being saved as "T Dot" or "Trey")???
LET ME KNOW PEOPLE! :-p
*Ms Simpson*
i have a friend who was dating a guy for a couple of months and things started getting a little serious. one day she is randomly looking through his phone and sees that there is someone saved in it as "wifey". she approaches the guy with this and his response is....
"ohhh her? thats Wifey (which he pronounced We-Fay), my African friend"
wooooooooow.
so my homegirl laughs (at him) and goes on to tell him to call her so that she can know that he is telling the truth and his response is...
"it wouldnt make any sense...she doesnt speak english"
yes, yes people...this is a true to life story and it really did happen.
that brings me to my blog topic...
the names that people save people as in their phone...either to deviate a snooping significant other or to remember who they are.
why is it that every male i have talked to has this strange "male trait" to save females in their phone under a special name to remember who they are?? what ever happened to the days of matching a voice or a face to a name. i know alot of people have similar name...but come on now...whats REALLY going on??
some might not yet understand what i mean, so i will give a better example. my co-writer for this blog happens to have a HUGE backside...so maybe a dude would save her in their phone as "Big Booty Rita" or "Rita Stallion" or some crazy shit like "Rita BA (as in Big Ass)...sorry Serita...love you dearly but your ass is huge!!!
where did this crazy tradition of the nickname transpire??
because i am honest on this blog, i will admit that i have put a few codes in my phone to remember who some people were...but they were not nearly as drastic as some of the things i have seen!!! If i meet someone at, lets say, Strata...i use to put in my phone (Arthur STRATA) and thats pretty much common sense. I looked through a male friends phone and saw all types of asterix and exclamation points and im just lost as all hell!!!
what does it all meaaaaann????????????
so, because this is not such a large topic, ill break my questions up for the sexes...
Guys (feel free to answer anonymously as to not 'blow your cover'lol):
What codes for females do you keep in your phone? Any special symbols or characters that differenciate the 'hoe' from the 'housewife'?? What made you start using specific codes or different names for people? (that is if you do)
Ladies (you can answer anonymously too):
Being that ive seen this done more with males...have you ever discovered any codes in a phone? What do you think you may be saved as in some guys you know phone?? Do YOU keep special codes for the guys/girls you meet??
Both Sexes:
Ever saved someone under a completely different name (i.e. your side boo Tracy being saved as "T Dot" or "Trey")???
LET ME KNOW PEOPLE! :-p
*Ms Simpson*
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sharing Is Caring...Right??
i had the idea for a WHOOOOLE different blog in mind...
but i have a friend in need of SERIOUS words of advice/encouragement.
Jane Doe: Ok, i was dating this dude on and off for about a year. Shit, i cant even say on and off because after while, we just developed one of those "relationship without the title" type of things. A "situationship" for lack of a better word. We had fallen in love (which i now know was only going on in my half of the relationship), but yeah, we fell in love and things were...ok. There was always some drama going on or some issue with another females, or him thinking i was fucking with another dude. After our official break up, we both "did us" to a certain extent. We still always found our way back to each other though. Somehow, we always found our way back.So anyways, the dude was a singer and trying to get a deal and wanted to find a female singer to do a song with. I, being the helpful person i am, knew how much his music meant to him and suggested my best friend since the sixth grade. She has always loved singing and wanted to get into the business herself...so my first logical thought, was to hook them up. Little did i kno that some people take the term "hook up" waaay too far. So, i recently find out that they messed around the day they were scheduled to work on the song. Crazy thing is, there was a moment when i couldn't get in touch with either party and both phones werent being answered. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach & in my heart, that something was going on. When i bought it up, BOTH parties tried to make me feel bad with a whole bunch of "what kinda person do you think i am?" and even some "how could you even say that? im hurt you would think of me in that way".
CRAZY RIGHT??? So I find this out and i'm just at a loss for words. Yes, i have been with other people since the break up but...........MY BEST FRIEND??????? I've done some fooooooooul things to people but this takes the cake over anything I've done, or even thought about doing. Then, after all this, something in my mind (or maybe that was my heart) stops and says "i still want to be with him". I know, I know ladies...you are ashamed of me already and trust, i was just as ashamed of myself. I do not know what made that thought come about but my mind quickly stepped in (so yeah, that must have been my heart before) because my mind quickly stepped in and said "BITCH IS YOU CRAZY???" I guess I just want to know if anyone has been int his situation before. What did you do? How did you feel? How would you have handled it if it was you? What do you think of him? Of her?
Yeah...thats her issue. Soooo...yeah. Any feedback?
_Ms Simpson_
but i have a friend in need of SERIOUS words of advice/encouragement.
Jane Doe: Ok, i was dating this dude on and off for about a year. Shit, i cant even say on and off because after while, we just developed one of those "relationship without the title" type of things. A "situationship" for lack of a better word. We had fallen in love (which i now know was only going on in my half of the relationship), but yeah, we fell in love and things were...ok. There was always some drama going on or some issue with another females, or him thinking i was fucking with another dude. After our official break up, we both "did us" to a certain extent. We still always found our way back to each other though. Somehow, we always found our way back.So anyways, the dude was a singer and trying to get a deal and wanted to find a female singer to do a song with. I, being the helpful person i am, knew how much his music meant to him and suggested my best friend since the sixth grade. She has always loved singing and wanted to get into the business herself...so my first logical thought, was to hook them up. Little did i kno that some people take the term "hook up" waaay too far. So, i recently find out that they messed around the day they were scheduled to work on the song. Crazy thing is, there was a moment when i couldn't get in touch with either party and both phones werent being answered. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach & in my heart, that something was going on. When i bought it up, BOTH parties tried to make me feel bad with a whole bunch of "what kinda person do you think i am?" and even some "how could you even say that? im hurt you would think of me in that way".
CRAZY RIGHT??? So I find this out and i'm just at a loss for words. Yes, i have been with other people since the break up but...........MY BEST FRIEND??????? I've done some fooooooooul things to people but this takes the cake over anything I've done, or even thought about doing. Then, after all this, something in my mind (or maybe that was my heart) stops and says "i still want to be with him". I know, I know ladies...you are ashamed of me already and trust, i was just as ashamed of myself. I do not know what made that thought come about but my mind quickly stepped in (so yeah, that must have been my heart before) because my mind quickly stepped in and said "BITCH IS YOU CRAZY???" I guess I just want to know if anyone has been int his situation before. What did you do? How did you feel? How would you have handled it if it was you? What do you think of him? Of her?
Yeah...thats her issue. Soooo...yeah. Any feedback?
_Ms Simpson_
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
should he REALLY put a ring on it?
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
This is a song that FROM DAY ONE has annoyed me to the pit of my soul. I've had many debates with my friends about this song because yes, the public has truly ruined this song for me.
Now on with the topic at hand...
We all know the routine, we all know that if he liked it he should of put a ring on it and perhaps he is tight that somebody else got it…but let’s be real here ladies. Not every song plays to your favor, once again we have an anthem that convinces EVERY female that they are worthy of something that most aren’t. Most females truly believe they are a total packaged deal & ready to be snatched off the shelf with no assembly required.
They need a quick reality check...
However, the previous (or current) may not have "put a ring on it" because certain things must be in place before a MAN pops that question. Ironically, in life all those things will never be in place at the SAME time, so it is up to you to determine when is right. That does not mean putting a time limit on your relationship ladies with a pressured expiration date…some relationships stand no grounds for marriage & it’s pretty obvious when it doesn’t stand a chance.
So before dropping down low & sweeping the floor with it… turn & ask why he didn’t put a ring on it? Take a look in the mirror & ask yourself am I marriage worthy? Understand that there is no such thing as PERFECTION and if that man loves you unconditionally & you feel as though you can grow old with this person, then maybe you'll be worthy of that ring...
Personally, I dont think I'm perfect and I believe the reason why I strongly resent this song is that females are running around in the clubs or wherever they are, singing this song thinking its the GOSPEL. Okay I understand Beyonce is tryna throw it in her ex's face (whomever he is) that Jay-Z has put a ring on her finger. Much kudos to her. I'm happy for her. But it doesn't give every woman on this earth the right to prance around and think they need to sing this song when in most cases... THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A RING ON THEIR FINGER!
(and in another sense, she's stating all the single ladies... that should tell you something also. If you shouting this song AND you're single... You need to re-evaluate what went wrong in that relationship & try not to do it again)
I know it seems like I was ranting and raving but this has just been a topic on my mind and being as though I'm NOT single.. I can't really relate to this song.. lol. I'm sure one day the man I'm in love with will put a ring on it but i'm in NO rush. If its in God's plan for it to happen... It will.
What's Your Opinion on it?
*Miss Sophisticated*
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
i've changed for you...
How much should one change in order to make the relationship work?
This is a question I’ve asked myself alot because in most of my relationships, I try to “adapt” to my surroundings to make things work without changing much of what makes me… ME. This can be rather tough to do because, of course, everyone you encounter will be different. So, you have to adjust the whole approach as to “how will I deal with this person to keep both of us happy?” or “what will I do different from my last relationship?”
With me… I’m as stubborn as a mule but yet I’ve catered to every boyfriend that I’ve had if he was worthy of it. But in this case, I feel as though I’m lost within myself as to how much I’ve changed for this person… And now its starting to bug me a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in love with the man I’m dealing with but yet I feel as though I’ve lost a sense of self in this.
Let me break it down a bit…
I’m the type of woman that is what we call that “ride or die” chick. I’ll stand beside my man through thick & thin. And I’ve done so in ALL of my relationships. But this relationship is sooo different. I find myself changing things that I normally wouldn’t give a shit about in any other situation, like going to the clubs and hanging out like I usually do (I’ve like stopped that completely). And I find myself saying yes because I’m somewhat afraid of what might happen if I say no.
I’ve been told I’m a strong individual but in my opinion, I believe right now my strength has turned into my weakness. I give my all to make my other half happy. But in the same sense, I’d hope he’d do the same for me. I’ve been taken advantage of so many times before so I’d hope in this case, I’m not being made out to be a fool.
Maybe I’m overreacting, who knows…
Its just a thought that had came to me during a brief discussion with my significant other. And it just hit me like damn, I’ve changed ALOT in this relationship and maybe I need to cut back on it or just need to have a serious sit down talk with him about this.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been through this and its somewhat crazy because I know a lot of people believe that they need to stay the same in every relationship & think that it will work out. I must say you’re so wrong…
But my question is…
How much are you willing to change for your significant other?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Cheating...Part 2 (Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater??)
This stems from my last blog about cheating (hence the part 2 lol)
Now that eveyrone has declared their stand on what cheating is...I'm going to take a little spin on it...I want to make a blind assumption, go out on a limb, and say that almost everyone has cheated before in some form. Whether it was emotional, physical, or even mental, everyone has done some form of cheating.
Are you to be considered a cheater forever? Have you changed? Will it stay that way? If you've never cheated...(congrats)...and do you feel like a cheater can be reformed???
I'm going to be completely honest, i've only been faithful in one relationship in my entire life. I either wasn't satisfied with how i was being treated, wasn't satisfied sexually, or just didn't care! My last relationship though, is when i remained faithful, even after being cheated on. That's why it stands out so much to me.
After having been a faithful cheater...(crazy way to word that right?)...but yes, after being a faithful cheather, i found someone who i wanted to solely be with emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually.Most females in my position would have either left or cheated...but i did neither. Something inside me wanted to keep my word to myself and to him. Do i feel like since i was cheated on anyway that it was in vain? HELL NO! I know now that the saying is SO far from being true.I was once a cheater and for that relationship, i made a major change.
If i cheat in a relationship in the future...will that count as me "always" being a cheater? I dont know & wont get to find out either...My philosophy now is to either keep it real and say I'm not satisfied and want to see other people or just leave the relationship. either way i would not be cheating.
now that i've been completely faithful to someone, it feels GOOD to say/know that i can do it. plus, the feeling of knowing that i haven't shared myself with anyone and any way...i never want that feeling taken from me again. It felt great to not have to lie. Even if my truth wasnt accepted by him didnt matter, bc i had no feelings of guilt.
So do i think that if you've cheated that you'll always be that way? NOPE. unless you never find that one person that gets into your heart deep enough to make you WANT to be faithful. It will only happen if you want it to. I wanted to be able to tell the man i was with that he's the only man ive been with since we got together...and i was finally able to.
So what do you think? Am i still a cheater? Know any reformed cheaters? Are you a reformed cheater? How did you come about changing? If you still cheat...why? And do you think you could be faithful?WILL A CHEATER ALWAYS CHEAT????
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Cheating...Part 1 (yes, there have to be parts for this)
WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER CHEATING???
I have plenty of friends who have been cheated on...and plenty more who have cheated. some of them feel like the things they did, did not constitute cheating...while others knew they were dead wrong for what they had done.
...i even have met a TON of guys who feel like they didnt cheat bc they had an arguement with their woman/man and didnt speak for less than a day, so they felt it was ok to do them...and then said they didnt cheat because them and their mate werent together for those few hours (still havent gotten a grasp on that one...bc if we havent mutually decided that we arent together, an arguement does NOT justify cheating)
then that poses the question of what exactly cheating is. when is it considered cheating? what things constitute a cheater?
most people have this odd thought in their head that cheating is ONLY when you actually have sexual intercourse with another person.
NO NO NO NO NO!!! You've GOT to be kidding me!
Cheating can relate to sex (oral, anal, vaginal), kissing, sexual touching, spending time...all of that. yes, giving someone else your intimate time...is cheating. i personally would be more upset if i found out my significant other was spending time with another woman, rather than just fucking her. spending time means your heart is cheating on me...fucking means its just your dick thats cheating...and in a relationship...your heart would mean way more to me.
i think men and women cheat differently honestly. men usually always go for the sex...for whatever reason. as women will go for the time (usually time and attention they arent getting in their own relationship).
To me, they are both wrong but do other people consider spending time with someone else and gaining an intimate interest in someone else cheating?? would you be more upset if you found out that your mate was having sex with someone else? or if they were spending time with and getting to know someone else on the level that they know you??
WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU PERSONALLY CONSIDER CHEATING???
I have plenty of friends who have been cheated on...and plenty more who have cheated. some of them feel like the things they did, did not constitute cheating...while others knew they were dead wrong for what they had done.
...i even have met a TON of guys who feel like they didnt cheat bc they had an arguement with their woman/man and didnt speak for less than a day, so they felt it was ok to do them...and then said they didnt cheat because them and their mate werent together for those few hours (still havent gotten a grasp on that one...bc if we havent mutually decided that we arent together, an arguement does NOT justify cheating)
then that poses the question of what exactly cheating is. when is it considered cheating? what things constitute a cheater?
most people have this odd thought in their head that cheating is ONLY when you actually have sexual intercourse with another person.
NO NO NO NO NO!!! You've GOT to be kidding me!
Cheating can relate to sex (oral, anal, vaginal), kissing, sexual touching, spending time...all of that. yes, giving someone else your intimate time...is cheating. i personally would be more upset if i found out my significant other was spending time with another woman, rather than just fucking her. spending time means your heart is cheating on me...fucking means its just your dick thats cheating...and in a relationship...your heart would mean way more to me.
i think men and women cheat differently honestly. men usually always go for the sex...for whatever reason. as women will go for the time (usually time and attention they arent getting in their own relationship).
To me, they are both wrong but do other people consider spending time with someone else and gaining an intimate interest in someone else cheating?? would you be more upset if you found out that your mate was having sex with someone else? or if they were spending time with and getting to know someone else on the level that they know you??
WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU PERSONALLY CONSIDER CHEATING???
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I LOVE YOU vs. I NEED YOU
here are some definitions of "LOVE":
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. sexual intercourse.
and here are some definitions of "NEED":
1. a requirement, necessary duty or obligation.
2. a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary.
3. urgent want.
4. to be necessary.
(all definitions taken from dictionary.com)
this topic was bought up in one of my classes that to need someone is stronger than simply loving them. the girl explained that when you love someone it is just a feeling that can pass...but needing someone is to not be able to live without them.
hearing that made me think and it certainly made sense to me.
i have told a number of people i used to date that i loved them...and i meant it because i did hold a certain amount of love for them in my heart. i didnt need any of them though...or else they would still be here.
at the same time, i tell my family members everyday that i love them...i also feel that i need them too though. idk what i would do without these people in my life.
have you ever had anyone else besides your family in your life that you need? i'm not sure that i do. :-\
i slipped up in my last relationship before this one that just ended and told my ex that i needed him. at times it felt that way because we were living together and doing everything together. when we broke up i cried day in and day out, thinking my life was over and that i couldnt go on another day (funny how i said that each passing day tho lol)
now that he is gone...well, i still breathe and have all my senses, i'm still walking and talking the same (perhaps with a slightly improved maturity) but everything is the same. i didnt need him, i lived without him after we broke up. didnt even keep him as a friend.
the relationship i just got out of...omg, i love this man to death...i damn sure do! he has changed my life for the better, even with the drama we had involved with us. i feel like i need him in my life, even as just a friend. everytime we try to go our seperate ways...SOMETHING brings us right right back. even if its a long amount of time, by some devine power or connection, this man and i cannot stay apart.
i cant sit and say that i would die without him, because no one would die just because someone isnt in there life anymore (unless you're like a siamese twin or something). i can say though, that if we did get to a point where we didnt speak again...i think i would feel a void or an emptiness inside me for a very long time, if not forever.
on the flip side tho, i've heard of older couples that, when one dies, the other one isnt too far behind because they just couldnt bear to live without their mate, like life just wasnt worth it without them. i want that type of love...i want to experience that and in some ways...if i was older and in this same situation, it might be that way.
there are also cases where people have someone in their life soo long, that they feel like they cant live without them...but do they really know that? if it hasnt EVER been tested and they've never been apart...well, how would they know?
if i was with someone who i grew to love, fell in love with and wanted to marry...i think that is the point of me needing someone. when i feel as though i want to spend the rest of my days on this earth with a specific person, then and only then will i consider the notion that i NEED someone in my life.
people NEED water, oxygen, food, and good health to live. some survive without having any family even so idk. its a very touchy topic because if you tell someone you dont need them in your life, they get offended...when in all actuality, they probably dont need you in theirs either!
i feel like everyone has felt this way at one point...but did it hold true? did you die without that person in your life? or did you just hurt for a while? do you have someone in your life now that you feel you couldn't love without? if so, why do you feel that way?
IS IT POSSIBLE TO SAY YOU LOVE/ARE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE IF YOU DONT NEED THEM???
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