Long distance relationships: Fail-proof formula?

People ask me all the time, “How can you handle being with someone who lives so far away from you?” The answer, I guess, is simple: I love him. There’s no better explanation, and that’s what I tell everyone. I've been in three long distance relationships (well one was when I was engaged to someone in the Navy so you know how that goes lol), and currently in one now. You would think that by the first three not working out I would have learned my lesson & to avoid getting involved with the current. Well, I can't change the path that God has for my life. And to be honest, I couldn’t imagine life any other way.


Most people will find it difficult to comprehend why I’ve made these choices. Why be in a long distance relationship? The answer is actually quite simple. Nobody wants to be in a long distance relationship. We all want to be close to our partners, but sometimes circumstances are beyond our control.

People tell me that long distance relationship do not work. They tell me that over time the relationship will fade. They tell me that long distance relationships fail because of factors like the lack of trust, lack of commitment and the obvious fact that partners cannot see each other. How can they expect me to believe it when I have been living it for years? While I do agree that most long distance relationships cannot work, I also believe that they can work if couples want it to.

I am sure there have been many talks on what makes a long distance relationship work. I cannot truly say that there is a fail-proof formula. Sometimes people have the best of intentions, they work hard on making their relationship work. But ultimately, the relationship falls apart and they cannot understand why. Truthfully, I don’t know either. I’m not sure why one relationship works and why another does not. But I am a strong believer in commitment, communication, and COMPROMISE. If we have these in the relationship, then all else will fall into place. But that is just my view.

I’d like to believe that faith is another part of the formula in making long distance relationships work. No, I don’t mean faith in a divine being. I mean faith in your own abilities and your own belief that the relationship will work. When you begin to doubt whether the relationship will work or not, most of the time you will find it won’t work. Having faith in your commitment as a couple to make your relationship work is invaluable. It also proves how confident you are of your relationship and it’s abilities to withstand obstacles.

But people will continue to say that long distance relationships do not work. And I will continue to prove them wrong. Ultimately, there are no fail-proof formulas to ensure that long distance relationships work. As a couple, you need to find the right formula between yourselves. With that being said, I believe that communication, commitment, and a whole lot of compromise sprinkled with a little faith can work wonders.

I laugh at people who complain about having not seen their boyfriends/girlfriends in a few days, or even a few weeks. I don’t laugh to be offensive. I just find it funny. Because this is something i've endured for awhile and as the saying goes: "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." I'm sure I'm probably alone on this topic but what's your view on it?

*Miss Sophisticated*

Sharing Is Caring...Right??

i had the idea for a WHOOOOLE different blog in mind...

but i have a friend in need of SERIOUS words of advice/encouragement.


Jane Doe: Ok, i was dating this dude on and off for about a year. Shit, i cant even say on and off because after while, we just developed one of those "relationship without the title" type of things. A "situationship" for lack of a better word. We had fallen in love (which i now know was only going on in my half of the relationship), but yeah, we fell in love and things were...ok. There was always some drama going on or some issue with another females, or him thinking i was fucking with another dude. After our official break up, we both "did us" to a certain extent. We still always found our way back to each other though. Somehow, we always found our way back.So anyways, the dude was a singer and trying to get a deal and wanted to find a female singer to do a song with. I, being the helpful person i am, knew how much his music meant to him and suggested my best friend since the sixth grade. She has always loved singing and wanted to get into the business herself...so my first logical thought, was to hook them up. Little did i kno that some people take the term "hook up" waaay too far. So, i recently find out that they messed around the day they were scheduled to work on the song. Crazy thing is, there was a moment when i couldn't get in touch with either party and both phones werent being answered. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach & in my heart, that something was going on. When i bought it up, BOTH parties tried to make me feel bad with a whole bunch of "what kinda person do you think i am?" and even some "how could you even say that? im hurt you would think of me in that way".

CRAZY RIGHT??? So I find this out and i'm just at a loss for words. Yes, i have been with other people since the break up but...........MY BEST FRIEND??????? I've done some fooooooooul things to people but this takes the cake over anything I've done, or even thought about doing. Then, after all this, something in my mind (or maybe that was my heart) stops and says "i still want to be with him". I know, I know ladies...you are ashamed of me already and trust, i was just as ashamed of myself. I do not know what made that thought come about but my mind quickly stepped in (so yeah, that must have been my heart before) because my mind quickly stepped in and said "BITCH IS YOU CRAZY???" I guess I just want to know if anyone has been int his situation before. What did you do? How did you feel? How would you have handled it if it was you? What do you think of him? Of her?

Yeah...thats her issue. Soooo...yeah. Any feedback?

_Ms Simpson_

MySpace Jumpoff???

Meeting people through the internet (AIM, MySpace, Facebook, CrushSpot, Downelink, etc, etc.)

ok, i was given this topic from another person but, i think it is a very valid and interesting topic so i chose to write about it.

How many of us have met someone else of interest through a website before??? I'm not gonna sit here and lie and say i havent when i have lol. mind you this is someone i spoke to on and off for about 5 years before we actually, physically met. did i still feel awkward about it? HELL YEAH! he wasnt a psycho though...coincidentally i fell in love with my internet lover (lol) and we had a very good relationship.

did i always feel this way about meeting people online?? NOPE! i used to be scared like shit to even talk about meeting people from the net. all these crazy stories and news reports of people being "slain" by their internet stalker. shiiiiiit, hell yeah i used to be afraid! perhaps thats why i spoke to one person 5 years before i met them. had to make sure those pics were constantly changing and that this was a normal person...feel me??

but after a while i got attacked with spam from all these dating websites (who i wont mention by name through fear of some type of copyright infringement). i guess it made me a bit more comfortable that there were websites springing up dedicated strictly to dating. no, i never joined one because well, im against having to give my credit card info so that you can "find me love" but it did make everything sit easier with me knowing that there are SO many people meeting and dating off the net, that they dedicated quite a few websites to it.

i still dont sit and meet any old body from offline. i think altogether maybe i met 3 people off the net..and one was a female so im not sure if that counts lol. i'm still not a supporter of internet dating but i dont think it should illegal or anything. im not afraid that i'd get chopped up or anything but someones mental stability definitely cannot be judged from their "net personality"...so idk. i know if i was against meeting people online, i never would have met my ex...so im glad i changed my views.

HAVE YOU EVER MET ANYONE OFF THE INTERNET? IF SO, HOW DID THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU? IF NOT, WHAT STOPPED YOU FROM DOING SO?? DOES THIS STILL HAVE THE SAME STIGMA IT DID BEFORE?

-Ms Simpson

should he REALLY put a ring on it?

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

This is a song that FROM DAY ONE has annoyed me to the pit of my soul. I've had many debates with my friends about this song because yes, the public has truly ruined this song for me.

Now on with the topic at hand...

We all know the routine, we all know that if he liked it he should of put a ring on it and perhaps he is tight that somebody else got it…but let’s be real here ladies. Not every song plays to your favor, once again we have an anthem that convinces EVERY female that they are worthy of something that most aren’t. Most females truly believe they are a total packaged deal & ready to be snatched off the shelf with no assembly required.

They need a quick reality check...

However, the previous (or current) may not have "put a ring on it" because certain things must be in place before a MAN pops that question. Ironically, in life all those things will never be in place at the SAME time, so it is up to you to determine when is right. That does not mean putting a time limit on your relationship ladies with a pressured expiration date…some relationships stand no grounds for marriage & it’s pretty obvious when it doesn’t stand a chance.

So before dropping down low & sweeping the floor with it… turn & ask why he didn’t put a ring on it? Take a look in the mirror & ask yourself am I marriage worthy? Understand that there is no such thing as PERFECTION and if that man loves you unconditionally & you feel as though you can grow old with this person, then maybe you'll be worthy of that ring...

Personally, I dont think I'm perfect and I believe the reason why I strongly resent this song is that females are running around in the clubs or wherever they are, singing this song thinking its the GOSPEL. Okay I understand Beyonce is tryna throw it in her ex's face (whomever he is) that Jay-Z has put a ring on her finger. Much kudos to her. I'm happy for her. But it doesn't give every woman on this earth the right to prance around and think they need to sing this song when in most cases... THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A RING ON THEIR FINGER!

(and in another sense, she's stating all the single ladies... that should tell you something also. If you shouting this song AND you're single... You need to re-evaluate what went wrong in that relationship & try not to do it again)


I know it seems like I was ranting and raving but this has just been a topic on my mind and being as though I'm NOT single.. I can't really relate to this song.. lol. I'm sure one day the man I'm in love with will put a ring on it but i'm in NO rush. If its in God's plan for it to happen... It will.



What's Your Opinion on it?

*Miss Sophisticated*

Foolin' Us With Trickery

so, a topic came up between my homegirls and myself. we were disussing males in general...and then we got to the topic of having sex with someone for the first time. somewhere within that convo a friend bought up the fact that alot of males do this crazy switch up after they "reach their goal", for lack of a better term.
Its a wide spread epidemic...the guy who is extremely sweet and flattering and does and says whatever he needs to say to get in them draws!!! You get phone calls, texts, chill, spend time, go out, crack jokes...all so that these guys can "reach their goal".

Finally one day...you let your guard down. So here you are, sitting there next to each other knowing what is about to go down and fully aware of what you're about to do. Everything starts off normally and then things get a little hot & heavy. You're not thinking anything of it because you've made this guy wait months to even smell your scent & he still stuck around...so why would he change up now...right? riiiiiiiight. What was supposed to happen...happens and you head home with the inevitable thought of...
what now?

then...
things gradually start changing...

the same guy that used to go out of his way to speak or say something sweet...suddenly stops hitting you up. all the extra things that used to be done are now a thing of the past. the "nice guy" quickly becomes the "bad guy".

let me insert these very important words in this paragraph...i am a firm believer that MOST women, if not all, can get dick from anywhere. Excuse my bluntness in that statement but i didn't know how else to put that because if you're a female who has a pussy and showers daily...then you're good as far as finding a dude to sleep with. I'm NOT saying go sleep with any and every guy...just supporting a statement with facts.

So, what is it about pussy that makes guys fall back after the fact? I'm thinking that if a guy waits that long for sex, he'd want it more than once. That switch turns females off (or maybe thats just me).

Personally, i'm more appreciative of honesty. If you're just trying to have sex, say that...not saying it will happen but at least there would be no lies, assumptions or miscommunications. Im all for the thrill of the chase...but why do all that when all you want is ass? There are plenty of "ladies" willing to give ass up quickly (& they make themselves know most of the time)...

I guess our real question was why do guys give off the appearance of actual interest when it is really about sex. Especially if we as females bring up the fact that they dont feel like dealing with the dude who's only around for ass. Especially if we as females show a general interest in the guy. There are females who put themselves out there as a "sex toy"...why not do this with them and leave the girls who want more than sex to the guys who want more than sex?

Just some thoughts that my girls and i had...another thing that made us go hmmmm lol

What do you think???

Let's Talk About Sex...FINALLY!!!

I'm gonna make this pretty short and sweet...

i'm NEVER one to just go around tooting my own horn...

(well maybe just one toot here and there)...

but i am a female who enjoys and is very passionate about sex...

being things way brings up alot of questions about sex that i would like answered...

it's just that no one ever really keeps it real about sex anymore :-\

so i'm hoping i can ask these questions on here...

and someone can clarify a few things for me...

because i do NOT believe in this thing called "bad sex"...

so i'm just trying to figure some things out real quick..............

I've had so many female friends dissatisfied with their mate and come back with SO many stories about what went wrong. Same thing with my male friends. Then, on the flip side, i've heard both sexes come back with stories about how spectacular the sex was and...what went right. lol

I've heard guys say they hated the sex because all the girl did was lay there. And I've heard females say the same. I myself find it hard to have sex of any sort if there is no kissing involved. Makes me feel very seperated from the actual act, like there's no passion involved. And one thing i refuse to be lacking during sex................is passion. Makes it all so drab and boring.

If i reeeeeallly got into what i liked about sex...it would look something like this. I like a man who likes being in a poition of power in the bedroom. He knows exactly how to initiate things with me and exactly how to end things. Someone who has that power but also enjoys when i take over and do what i do. A man who pulls hair, bites, grabs, throws...all that. A man that knows his way around a females body WITHOUT directions and doesnt expect anything he doesnt give in the bedroom. Smoking also greeeatly inhances any sexual experience i have because my body is in a sensitive state after i smoke. drinking is ok, but sex while being toooo drunk gets sloppy and too much to deal with. I like unspoken communication. To be able to look at my partner and know what to do without a word being uttered. I like when a guy can be rough but not be trying to destroy my insides at the same time. Someone who could look at me and make me feel wanted...and at the same time look at me and know that they are wanted just as much.

I'm pretty much saying that i like passion in the bedroom. That is what turns me on and what keeps me coming back (if i come back). I know it's not the same for everyone though so i want to hear other opinions.

What makes someone your "best "partner? Is it some type of connection you have to have for sex to be good? And if your sex is just good and you know what you're doing...then how can sex be bad with....anyone?

What turns guys on during sex? What specific things do men like done to them? Or what things do men like about sex period? Is there a certain way that you want your partner to be sexually? What type of sexual personality do you have? Does it matter of the sex is good or not? Are females vaginas really that different? What makes one better than another?

What turns females on during sex? What things have to happen in the bedroom (or bathroom, livingroom, club, whatever...) for sex to be good for you? What things do you specifically like about sex? What makes it "good" or "bad" or "memorable" even? What should a woman/man NOT do in the bedroom? What makes you "go back for more"??

Well, so much for short and sweet

suggestions for topics that interest you???

i deep into my school work right now so i wasnt able and wont be able to post anything today due to lack of time

BUT...

i do want to know if there are any topics of interest refering to relationships that any of our readers would like addressed? any personal situations you need an opinion or second view about?? let us know and we will make it happen...

if not, stayed tuned for the next blog on my favorite steamy topic...




sex.

i've changed for you...

How much should one change in order to make the relationship work?

This is a question I’ve asked myself alot because in most of my relationships, I try to “adapt” to my surroundings to make things work without changing much of what makes me… ME. This can be rather tough to do because, of course, everyone you encounter will be different. So, you have to adjust the whole approach as to “how will I deal with this person to keep both of us happy?” or “what will I do different from my last relationship?”

With me… I’m as stubborn as a mule but yet I’ve catered to every boyfriend that I’ve had if he was worthy of it. But in this case, I feel as though I’m lost within myself as to how much I’ve changed for this person… And now its starting to bug me a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in love with the man I’m dealing with but yet I feel as though I’ve lost a sense of self in this.

Let me break it down a bit…

I’m the type of woman that is what we call that “ride or die” chick. I’ll stand beside my man through thick & thin. And I’ve done so in ALL of my relationships. But this relationship is sooo different. I find myself changing things that I normally wouldn’t give a shit about in any other situation, like going to the clubs and hanging out like I usually do (I’ve like stopped that completely). And I find myself saying yes because I’m somewhat afraid of what might happen if I say no.

I’ve been told I’m a strong individual but in my opinion, I believe right now my strength has turned into my weakness. I give my all to make my other half happy. But in the same sense, I’d hope he’d do the same for me. I’ve been taken advantage of so many times before so I’d hope in this case, I’m not being made out to be a fool.

Maybe I’m overreacting, who knows…

Its just a thought that had came to me during a brief discussion with my significant other. And it just hit me like damn, I’ve changed ALOT in this relationship and maybe I need to cut back on it or just need to have a serious sit down talk with him about this.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been through this and its somewhat crazy because I know a lot of people believe that they need to stay the same in every relationship & think that it will work out. I must say you’re so wrong…

But my question is…
How much are you willing to change for your significant other?

Cheating...Part 2 (Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater??)

This stems from my last blog about cheating (hence the part 2 lol)

Now that eveyrone has declared their stand on what cheating is...I'm going to take a little spin on it...I want to make a blind assumption, go out on a limb, and say that almost everyone has cheated before in some form. Whether it was emotional, physical, or even mental, everyone has done some form of cheating.

Are you to be considered a cheater forever? Have you changed? Will it stay that way? If you've never cheated...(congrats)...and do you feel like a cheater can be reformed???

I'm going to be completely honest, i've only been faithful in one relationship in my entire life. I either wasn't satisfied with how i was being treated, wasn't satisfied sexually, or just didn't care! My last relationship though, is when i remained faithful, even after being cheated on. That's why it stands out so much to me.

After having been a faithful cheater...(crazy way to word that right?)...but yes, after being a faithful cheather, i found someone who i wanted to solely be with emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually.Most females in my position would have either left or cheated...but i did neither. Something inside me wanted to keep my word to myself and to him. Do i feel like since i was cheated on anyway that it was in vain? HELL NO! I know now that the saying is SO far from being true.I was once a cheater and for that relationship, i made a major change.

If i cheat in a relationship in the future...will that count as me "always" being a cheater? I dont know & wont get to find out either...My philosophy now is to either keep it real and say I'm not satisfied and want to see other people or just leave the relationship. either way i would not be cheating.

now that i've been completely faithful to someone, it feels GOOD to say/know that i can do it. plus, the feeling of knowing that i haven't shared myself with anyone and any way...i never want that feeling taken from me again. It felt great to not have to lie. Even if my truth wasnt accepted by him didnt matter, bc i had no feelings of guilt.

So do i think that if you've cheated that you'll always be that way? NOPE. unless you never find that one person that gets into your heart deep enough to make you WANT to be faithful. It will only happen if you want it to. I wanted to be able to tell the man i was with that he's the only man ive been with since we got together...and i was finally able to.

So what do you think? Am i still a cheater? Know any reformed cheaters? Are you a reformed cheater? How did you come about changing? If you still cheat...why? And do you think you could be faithful?WILL A CHEATER ALWAYS CHEAT????

Cheating...Part 1 (yes, there have to be parts for this)

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER CHEATING???

I have plenty of friends who have been cheated on...and plenty more who have cheated. some of them feel like the things they did, did not constitute cheating...while others knew they were dead wrong for what they had done.
...i even have met a TON of guys who feel like they didnt cheat bc they had an arguement with their woman/man and didnt speak for less than a day, so they felt it was ok to do them...and then said they didnt cheat because them and their mate werent together for those few hours (still havent gotten a grasp on that one...bc if we havent mutually decided that we arent together, an arguement does NOT justify cheating)

then that poses the question of what exactly cheating is. when is it considered cheating? what things constitute a cheater?

most people have this odd thought in their head that cheating is ONLY when you actually have sexual intercourse with another person.
NO NO NO NO NO!!! You've GOT to be kidding me!

Cheating can relate to sex (oral, anal, vaginal), kissing, sexual touching, spending time...all of that. yes, giving someone else your intimate time...is cheating. i personally would be more upset if i found out my significant other was spending time with another woman, rather than just fucking her. spending time means your heart is cheating on me...fucking means its just your dick thats cheating...and in a relationship...your heart would mean way more to me.

i think men and women cheat differently honestly. men usually always go for the sex...for whatever reason. as women will go for the time (usually time and attention they arent getting in their own relationship).

To me, they are both wrong but do other people consider spending time with someone else and gaining an intimate interest in someone else cheating?? would you be more upset if you found out that your mate was having sex with someone else? or if they were spending time with and getting to know someone else on the level that they know you??

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU PERSONALLY CONSIDER CHEATING???

I LOVE YOU vs. I NEED YOU

here are some definitions of "LOVE":

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection

3. sexual passion or desire.

4. sexual intercourse.

and here are some definitions of "NEED":

1. a requirement, necessary duty or obligation.

2. a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary.

3. urgent want.

4. to be necessary.

(all definitions taken from dictionary.com)

this topic was bought up in one of my classes that to need someone is stronger than simply loving them. the girl explained that when you love someone it is just a feeling that can pass...but needing someone is to not be able to live without them.

hearing that made me think and it certainly made sense to me.

i have told a number of people i used to date that i loved them...and i meant it because i did hold a certain amount of love for them in my heart. i didnt need any of them though...or else they would still be here.

at the same time, i tell my family members everyday that i love them...i also feel that i need them too though. idk what i would do without these people in my life.

have you ever had anyone else besides your family in your life that you need? i'm not sure that i do. :-\

i slipped up in my last relationship before this one that just ended and told my ex that i needed him. at times it felt that way because we were living together and doing everything together. when we broke up i cried day in and day out, thinking my life was over and that i couldnt go on another day (funny how i said that each passing day tho lol)

now that he is gone...well, i still breathe and have all my senses, i'm still walking and talking the same (perhaps with a slightly improved maturity) but everything is the same. i didnt need him, i lived without him after we broke up. didnt even keep him as a friend.

the relationship i just got out of...omg, i love this man to death...i damn sure do! he has changed my life for the better, even with the drama we had involved with us. i feel like i need him in my life, even as just a friend. everytime we try to go our seperate ways...SOMETHING brings us right right back. even if its a long amount of time, by some devine power or connection, this man and i cannot stay apart.

i cant sit and say that i would die without him, because no one would die just because someone isnt in there life anymore (unless you're like a siamese twin or something). i can say though, that if we did get to a point where we didnt speak again...i think i would feel a void or an emptiness inside me for a very long time, if not forever.

on the flip side tho, i've heard of older couples that, when one dies, the other one isnt too far behind because they just couldnt bear to live without their mate, like life just wasnt worth it without them. i want that type of love...i want to experience that and in some ways...if i was older and in this same situation, it might be that way.

there are also cases where people have someone in their life soo long, that they feel like they cant live without them...but do they really know that? if it hasnt EVER been tested and they've never been apart...well, how would they know?

if i was with someone who i grew to love, fell in love with and wanted to marry...i think that is the point of me needing someone. when i feel as though i want to spend the rest of my days on this earth with a specific person, then and only then will i consider the notion that i NEED someone in my life.

people NEED water, oxygen, food, and good health to live. some survive without having any family even so idk. its a very touchy topic because if you tell someone you dont need them in your life, they get offended...when in all actuality, they probably dont need you in theirs either!

i feel like everyone has felt this way at one point...but did it hold true? did you die without that person in your life? or did you just hurt for a while? do you have someone in your life now that you feel you couldn't love without? if so, why do you feel that way?

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SAY YOU LOVE/ARE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE IF YOU DONT NEED THEM???

Ex In Your Sex

hmmm...my topic today will be...
EX'S AS FRIENDS...

IS IT OK TO KEEP AN EX BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND AS A FRIEND?? IF SO, SHOULD IT BE RIGHT AFTER THE BREAK UP? OR SHOULD THERE BE TIME IN BETWEEN? IF NOT, WHY NOT??? IS IT EASIER FOR A MALE TO KEEP AN EX AS A FRIEND? OR A FEMALE?

i've wondered about this for a loooong time now. one reason is bc i've tried it and it never works. another is because i thought about all the people in my life, and not one of the people close to me is an ex. sure, i speak to a few on occasion...but they aren't in my close circle of friends or anything of thta nature.

i just dont know if thats because i want it that way...or if thats just how it turned out. i think it was a more subconsious thing for me than anything. i have a habit of still having some form of feelings for my ex's if they hang around...so i'm usually just rude and cut them off or we both agree to go our way (except in this latest situation).

i feel like everyone has been put in that situation of having an ex who they call a friend...but really still have some type of feelings for them or still get jealous when they see they have moved on. nothing to be ashamed of...its natural. people become possessive of the person they invested their time, effort and feelings in and hate seeing them move on bc they feel like they put in too much work to see it used on the next. then there are those people, like myself, who allow themselves to build genuine feelings for someone and then fall in love and just dont have the strength to let go.

if i had to choose, i would say that ex's should only be friends if there werent some major crazy jealousy issues and if it is a mutual agreement between the two.

my answer also depends on how long the couple was together and how serious the relationship actually got. sometimes the seriousness of the relationship can outweigh the time because love has no time limit.

is it possible to become friends again if you were already friends before you hooked up? i can actually play both sides of that question. i think it could ruin a good friendship if the two decided to remain friends because nothing will ever be the same after that. you would have been intimate with the person and have developed a whole entirely new set of feelings for them. then again, it could be a positive and make the friendship stronger because now you know that you have tried to be a couple, it didnt work and now you can help the person understand themselves better, and get a better understanding of yourself. it all depends.

it's easier for men to be friends with females after a break up because if something occurs again (like sex), the male could go through with it and still hold the same feelings of not wanting anything from it anymore. a female will become wrapped up in the sex, thinking its a means of reconciliation (well, some women)...and then get their feelings hurt when they realize that...it was just sex.

its a difficult thing to decipher really. i choose to stay away from most ex's to avoid it becoming a complicated situation where...we've let go...but haven't let go. half of my ex's are in a different state though so that may be what makes it easier. if i was still down south though, i think i would still steer clear of that whole messy "let's be friends" thing.

were Deborah Cox and R.L. on to something?? or is it actually possible to be a true friend to someone you used to date...without your ego or old feelings becoming involved.
let me know what you think.


next blog is about I LOVE YOU VS. I NEED YOU: Which phrase is more powerful???

Fight The Power???

had to go all out and use a different font for this post...even though i cant even tell that it is different
(blogspot ceo..."hey guys, lets give the bloggers 'options' in font...but they will really all be drastically similar...good times!!) smmfh


anywayz...on to the topic at hand.
WHO SHOULD HAVE THE 'POWER' OR 'CONTROL' IN A RELATIONSHIP? THE WOMAN? THE MAN? OR SHOULD IT BE DIVIDED EQUALLY? IF NOT, WHO SHOULD HAVE MORE??

no, this isnt a random question i pulled out the air. i actually have an ex that feels that because he is the man, he should possess all the power in the relationship. it caught me off guard a bit because well, i dont agree. dont get me wrong, i'm a FIRM believer in letting a man be a man and taking charge...i just didnt like the way he "took charge".

there was alot of "shut the fuck up", "you moron/asshole/bitch/derelict...etc etc", and alot of threats made. i'm all for the sexy male anger and 'putting me in my place' but theres a way to go about it.

1. do NOT threaten me physically in ANY way shape or form
2. do NOT call me out my name and expect me to be on my 'yes dear'...'no dear' ish.
3. do NOT raise your voice at me (as soon as someone comes at me in a condescending way...i completely shut down to it...nothing is heard out of their mouth.


now, it would be different if i HADN'T told him that i didnt like these things being done...but i did. i sat and said those exact same things out my mouth. i CANNOT be spoken to like a child/animal and you actually think i'm gonna sit there and.....listen???????

to me...
being a man and possessing that natural authority is what attracts me and allows me to step down or back off from an issue. i dont feel its degrading to a woman to let a man take control. nor do i feel that its necessary to be equals 24/7...sometimes the male should have control, sometimes the female.

i have a decent understanding of the male pride...i just feel like somewhere lost in that pride...is the idea that woman dont have any pride.

ATTENTION ATTENTION PLEASE...WOMEN DO HAVE PRIDE AND DESERVE RESPECT. WE JUST KNOW WHEN TO PUT IT TO THE SIDE AND WHEN TO BRING IT TO THE FOREFRONT.

if a man could be in the middle of an arguement...stop the whole thing...tell me what its gonna be and what will happen from that point on...and does it with authority but not disrespect...with passion but not hatred...with understanding but not an overbearing nature...you know what i'm gonna do when he's done...

imma shut the fuck up if i'm wrong.

i cant do the name calling and threats though...or cockiness. it just turns me off to even want to back down on my side. i feel like my womanhood is being challeneged...like im expected to respond as if i'm a pet. that's not how it works in these parts...so idk.

mind you, i have an ENORMOUS amount of pride myself. sometimes i DONT know when to give in but i'll be damned if i'm not trying to figure this whole male species out. i don't think males are all the same...not even any two males for that matter. EVERYONE has to be dealt with differently...

my issue is...if i'm making strides and learning how to cater specifically to someone's personality...why cant it be done for me?? if someone knows i'm a little spoiled and like attention...whats wrong with giving that to me?

i'm single now...pretty much by choice. an entire relationship ruined because of two peoples pride. its all so crazy to me. i dont knock anything anymore though because everything happens for a reason. i get confused every so often with the switching of words and actions...but i'm to the point where i no longer want to understand.

a situation reached a point it NEVER should have and through it i came to the realization that...i deserve respect...and a little control in my own relationship.

i want male opinions...is it just that yall dont feel females will do things correctly if they have the power? do you even care if the woman controls the relationship? does it make you feel like less of a man? or do you actually like when it happens? is there a certain way a woman could go about gaining the power that wouldnt alarm you as much? or make you feel like less of a man?

and ladies (no i'm NOT biased)
why do we feel the need to control EVERYTHING? do you care to even have control in the relationship? how do you feel when it comes to the point where a man is taking the control? what are some ways that a guy has tried to gain control that attracted you? what are some that turned you off?


this topic baffles me...for lack of a better word.
any help here people??
(& if your relationship is same sex...just answer the questions related to you)

brain fart...

well, i have NO idea what to write about right now because my mind is in sooo many places at the time. im confsued about alot...but my new motto is

fix it or forget it

so i've been doing pretty good with that. if a situation cant be fixed...then im not gonna complain about it. if it can be...then im gonna fix it...
or forget it. feel me? lol...i know you do!

there are so many blogs i had in mind to write. so many ideas i need to get on paper (or keyboard lol) its just that now...my thoughts are all confused...im all frazzled lmao

so many people sit and think living my life is easy and stress free...i just wish they knew

"got everybody watching what i do...come walk in my shoes...and see the way im living if you REALLY want to..."
and thats why that is my favorite song out right now
T.I. ft. Rihanna for those who dont really own a radio lol...
or frequently listen to music

music is my escape though. i sometimes wish i knew how to sing or rhyme because i'd be able to release all my emotions through songs. and people would understand what i'm saying and relate. it's like, when i talk now...no1 pays attention to what i'm saying. you put a rapper or singer on a track saying the saaame things over a nice beat...
and they have a hit on their hands because well...
everyone can relate to it.
crazy right??

but yeah, it always bothered me when people who had singing voices or any talent for that matter, didnt want to follow through with it. when you're blessed with a gift that not just ANYONE can have...i feel like you should use it at any moment you can. just an opinion though....

i dont really have much to say...
my next blog will be about...


the struggle of power b/t men and females in relationships...
please read it and share your opinion.

inspiration

the other day...i became inspired to start a public blog.
i already keep a journal...why not start letting others know whats on my mind???

i actually was inspired by a blog on here by a friend of mine...Good Life...who's blog is called "F is the new E". very creative name & writer (which must be true bc im inspired to write now)

there was a poem on his blogspot called Her....... and it made my heart feel love again. not love between him and i...but love in general. i was giving up so much hope for the future (or at least the part of my future that involves love) but that poem...made me believe again.

it made me...remember whats it like to feel that way. my heart was becoming so cold to any thoughts of love. my mind was trying to forget what it felt like and how it effected me. my ears became deaf to sweet sayings. my eyes became blind to PDA whenever i saw it in the street. my brain thought only of school and work and things of that nature.

...my soul stopped believing...

and all from that ONE poem i read, i believe again.
it brings me back to how i felt the day i fell in love for the FIRST time...
& crazy enough, my first time loving was AFTER the first couple of times i've said "i love you."

i thought i was in love several times before. thought that it was it for me. that its all i had out there for me. now i know...what real love is.

real...authentic...no hold's bar...
love.

who i am in love with?
now THATS a story within itself.

right now, after everything that has happened...
after all the drama, disrespect & things that didnt belong in our relationship...
we JUST decided to call a


...truce...