Long distance relationships: Fail-proof formula?

People ask me all the time, “How can you handle being with someone who lives so far away from you?” The answer, I guess, is simple: I love him. There’s no better explanation, and that’s what I tell everyone. I've been in three long distance relationships (well one was when I was engaged to someone in the Navy so you know how that goes lol), and currently in one now. You would think that by the first three not working out I would have learned my lesson & to avoid getting involved with the current. Well, I can't change the path that God has for my life. And to be honest, I couldn’t imagine life any other way.


Most people will find it difficult to comprehend why I’ve made these choices. Why be in a long distance relationship? The answer is actually quite simple. Nobody wants to be in a long distance relationship. We all want to be close to our partners, but sometimes circumstances are beyond our control.

People tell me that long distance relationship do not work. They tell me that over time the relationship will fade. They tell me that long distance relationships fail because of factors like the lack of trust, lack of commitment and the obvious fact that partners cannot see each other. How can they expect me to believe it when I have been living it for years? While I do agree that most long distance relationships cannot work, I also believe that they can work if couples want it to.

I am sure there have been many talks on what makes a long distance relationship work. I cannot truly say that there is a fail-proof formula. Sometimes people have the best of intentions, they work hard on making their relationship work. But ultimately, the relationship falls apart and they cannot understand why. Truthfully, I don’t know either. I’m not sure why one relationship works and why another does not. But I am a strong believer in commitment, communication, and COMPROMISE. If we have these in the relationship, then all else will fall into place. But that is just my view.

I’d like to believe that faith is another part of the formula in making long distance relationships work. No, I don’t mean faith in a divine being. I mean faith in your own abilities and your own belief that the relationship will work. When you begin to doubt whether the relationship will work or not, most of the time you will find it won’t work. Having faith in your commitment as a couple to make your relationship work is invaluable. It also proves how confident you are of your relationship and it’s abilities to withstand obstacles.

But people will continue to say that long distance relationships do not work. And I will continue to prove them wrong. Ultimately, there are no fail-proof formulas to ensure that long distance relationships work. As a couple, you need to find the right formula between yourselves. With that being said, I believe that communication, commitment, and a whole lot of compromise sprinkled with a little faith can work wonders.

I laugh at people who complain about having not seen their boyfriends/girlfriends in a few days, or even a few weeks. I don’t laugh to be offensive. I just find it funny. Because this is something i've endured for awhile and as the saying goes: "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." I'm sure I'm probably alone on this topic but what's your view on it?

*Miss Sophisticated*

Sharing Is Caring...Right??

i had the idea for a WHOOOOLE different blog in mind...

but i have a friend in need of SERIOUS words of advice/encouragement.


Jane Doe: Ok, i was dating this dude on and off for about a year. Shit, i cant even say on and off because after while, we just developed one of those "relationship without the title" type of things. A "situationship" for lack of a better word. We had fallen in love (which i now know was only going on in my half of the relationship), but yeah, we fell in love and things were...ok. There was always some drama going on or some issue with another females, or him thinking i was fucking with another dude. After our official break up, we both "did us" to a certain extent. We still always found our way back to each other though. Somehow, we always found our way back.So anyways, the dude was a singer and trying to get a deal and wanted to find a female singer to do a song with. I, being the helpful person i am, knew how much his music meant to him and suggested my best friend since the sixth grade. She has always loved singing and wanted to get into the business herself...so my first logical thought, was to hook them up. Little did i kno that some people take the term "hook up" waaay too far. So, i recently find out that they messed around the day they were scheduled to work on the song. Crazy thing is, there was a moment when i couldn't get in touch with either party and both phones werent being answered. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach & in my heart, that something was going on. When i bought it up, BOTH parties tried to make me feel bad with a whole bunch of "what kinda person do you think i am?" and even some "how could you even say that? im hurt you would think of me in that way".

CRAZY RIGHT??? So I find this out and i'm just at a loss for words. Yes, i have been with other people since the break up but...........MY BEST FRIEND??????? I've done some fooooooooul things to people but this takes the cake over anything I've done, or even thought about doing. Then, after all this, something in my mind (or maybe that was my heart) stops and says "i still want to be with him". I know, I know ladies...you are ashamed of me already and trust, i was just as ashamed of myself. I do not know what made that thought come about but my mind quickly stepped in (so yeah, that must have been my heart before) because my mind quickly stepped in and said "BITCH IS YOU CRAZY???" I guess I just want to know if anyone has been int his situation before. What did you do? How did you feel? How would you have handled it if it was you? What do you think of him? Of her?

Yeah...thats her issue. Soooo...yeah. Any feedback?

_Ms Simpson_

MySpace Jumpoff???

Meeting people through the internet (AIM, MySpace, Facebook, CrushSpot, Downelink, etc, etc.)

ok, i was given this topic from another person but, i think it is a very valid and interesting topic so i chose to write about it.

How many of us have met someone else of interest through a website before??? I'm not gonna sit here and lie and say i havent when i have lol. mind you this is someone i spoke to on and off for about 5 years before we actually, physically met. did i still feel awkward about it? HELL YEAH! he wasnt a psycho though...coincidentally i fell in love with my internet lover (lol) and we had a very good relationship.

did i always feel this way about meeting people online?? NOPE! i used to be scared like shit to even talk about meeting people from the net. all these crazy stories and news reports of people being "slain" by their internet stalker. shiiiiiit, hell yeah i used to be afraid! perhaps thats why i spoke to one person 5 years before i met them. had to make sure those pics were constantly changing and that this was a normal person...feel me??

but after a while i got attacked with spam from all these dating websites (who i wont mention by name through fear of some type of copyright infringement). i guess it made me a bit more comfortable that there were websites springing up dedicated strictly to dating. no, i never joined one because well, im against having to give my credit card info so that you can "find me love" but it did make everything sit easier with me knowing that there are SO many people meeting and dating off the net, that they dedicated quite a few websites to it.

i still dont sit and meet any old body from offline. i think altogether maybe i met 3 people off the net..and one was a female so im not sure if that counts lol. i'm still not a supporter of internet dating but i dont think it should illegal or anything. im not afraid that i'd get chopped up or anything but someones mental stability definitely cannot be judged from their "net personality"...so idk. i know if i was against meeting people online, i never would have met my ex...so im glad i changed my views.

HAVE YOU EVER MET ANYONE OFF THE INTERNET? IF SO, HOW DID THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU? IF NOT, WHAT STOPPED YOU FROM DOING SO?? DOES THIS STILL HAVE THE SAME STIGMA IT DID BEFORE?

-Ms Simpson

should he REALLY put a ring on it?

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

This is a song that FROM DAY ONE has annoyed me to the pit of my soul. I've had many debates with my friends about this song because yes, the public has truly ruined this song for me.

Now on with the topic at hand...

We all know the routine, we all know that if he liked it he should of put a ring on it and perhaps he is tight that somebody else got it…but let’s be real here ladies. Not every song plays to your favor, once again we have an anthem that convinces EVERY female that they are worthy of something that most aren’t. Most females truly believe they are a total packaged deal & ready to be snatched off the shelf with no assembly required.

They need a quick reality check...

However, the previous (or current) may not have "put a ring on it" because certain things must be in place before a MAN pops that question. Ironically, in life all those things will never be in place at the SAME time, so it is up to you to determine when is right. That does not mean putting a time limit on your relationship ladies with a pressured expiration date…some relationships stand no grounds for marriage & it’s pretty obvious when it doesn’t stand a chance.

So before dropping down low & sweeping the floor with it… turn & ask why he didn’t put a ring on it? Take a look in the mirror & ask yourself am I marriage worthy? Understand that there is no such thing as PERFECTION and if that man loves you unconditionally & you feel as though you can grow old with this person, then maybe you'll be worthy of that ring...

Personally, I dont think I'm perfect and I believe the reason why I strongly resent this song is that females are running around in the clubs or wherever they are, singing this song thinking its the GOSPEL. Okay I understand Beyonce is tryna throw it in her ex's face (whomever he is) that Jay-Z has put a ring on her finger. Much kudos to her. I'm happy for her. But it doesn't give every woman on this earth the right to prance around and think they need to sing this song when in most cases... THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A RING ON THEIR FINGER!

(and in another sense, she's stating all the single ladies... that should tell you something also. If you shouting this song AND you're single... You need to re-evaluate what went wrong in that relationship & try not to do it again)


I know it seems like I was ranting and raving but this has just been a topic on my mind and being as though I'm NOT single.. I can't really relate to this song.. lol. I'm sure one day the man I'm in love with will put a ring on it but i'm in NO rush. If its in God's plan for it to happen... It will.



What's Your Opinion on it?

*Miss Sophisticated*

Foolin' Us With Trickery

so, a topic came up between my homegirls and myself. we were disussing males in general...and then we got to the topic of having sex with someone for the first time. somewhere within that convo a friend bought up the fact that alot of males do this crazy switch up after they "reach their goal", for lack of a better term.
Its a wide spread epidemic...the guy who is extremely sweet and flattering and does and says whatever he needs to say to get in them draws!!! You get phone calls, texts, chill, spend time, go out, crack jokes...all so that these guys can "reach their goal".

Finally one day...you let your guard down. So here you are, sitting there next to each other knowing what is about to go down and fully aware of what you're about to do. Everything starts off normally and then things get a little hot & heavy. You're not thinking anything of it because you've made this guy wait months to even smell your scent & he still stuck around...so why would he change up now...right? riiiiiiiight. What was supposed to happen...happens and you head home with the inevitable thought of...
what now?

then...
things gradually start changing...

the same guy that used to go out of his way to speak or say something sweet...suddenly stops hitting you up. all the extra things that used to be done are now a thing of the past. the "nice guy" quickly becomes the "bad guy".

let me insert these very important words in this paragraph...i am a firm believer that MOST women, if not all, can get dick from anywhere. Excuse my bluntness in that statement but i didn't know how else to put that because if you're a female who has a pussy and showers daily...then you're good as far as finding a dude to sleep with. I'm NOT saying go sleep with any and every guy...just supporting a statement with facts.

So, what is it about pussy that makes guys fall back after the fact? I'm thinking that if a guy waits that long for sex, he'd want it more than once. That switch turns females off (or maybe thats just me).

Personally, i'm more appreciative of honesty. If you're just trying to have sex, say that...not saying it will happen but at least there would be no lies, assumptions or miscommunications. Im all for the thrill of the chase...but why do all that when all you want is ass? There are plenty of "ladies" willing to give ass up quickly (& they make themselves know most of the time)...

I guess our real question was why do guys give off the appearance of actual interest when it is really about sex. Especially if we as females bring up the fact that they dont feel like dealing with the dude who's only around for ass. Especially if we as females show a general interest in the guy. There are females who put themselves out there as a "sex toy"...why not do this with them and leave the girls who want more than sex to the guys who want more than sex?

Just some thoughts that my girls and i had...another thing that made us go hmmmm lol

What do you think???

Let's Talk About Sex...FINALLY!!!

I'm gonna make this pretty short and sweet...

i'm NEVER one to just go around tooting my own horn...

(well maybe just one toot here and there)...

but i am a female who enjoys and is very passionate about sex...

being things way brings up alot of questions about sex that i would like answered...

it's just that no one ever really keeps it real about sex anymore :-\

so i'm hoping i can ask these questions on here...

and someone can clarify a few things for me...

because i do NOT believe in this thing called "bad sex"...

so i'm just trying to figure some things out real quick..............

I've had so many female friends dissatisfied with their mate and come back with SO many stories about what went wrong. Same thing with my male friends. Then, on the flip side, i've heard both sexes come back with stories about how spectacular the sex was and...what went right. lol

I've heard guys say they hated the sex because all the girl did was lay there. And I've heard females say the same. I myself find it hard to have sex of any sort if there is no kissing involved. Makes me feel very seperated from the actual act, like there's no passion involved. And one thing i refuse to be lacking during sex................is passion. Makes it all so drab and boring.

If i reeeeeallly got into what i liked about sex...it would look something like this. I like a man who likes being in a poition of power in the bedroom. He knows exactly how to initiate things with me and exactly how to end things. Someone who has that power but also enjoys when i take over and do what i do. A man who pulls hair, bites, grabs, throws...all that. A man that knows his way around a females body WITHOUT directions and doesnt expect anything he doesnt give in the bedroom. Smoking also greeeatly inhances any sexual experience i have because my body is in a sensitive state after i smoke. drinking is ok, but sex while being toooo drunk gets sloppy and too much to deal with. I like unspoken communication. To be able to look at my partner and know what to do without a word being uttered. I like when a guy can be rough but not be trying to destroy my insides at the same time. Someone who could look at me and make me feel wanted...and at the same time look at me and know that they are wanted just as much.

I'm pretty much saying that i like passion in the bedroom. That is what turns me on and what keeps me coming back (if i come back). I know it's not the same for everyone though so i want to hear other opinions.

What makes someone your "best "partner? Is it some type of connection you have to have for sex to be good? And if your sex is just good and you know what you're doing...then how can sex be bad with....anyone?

What turns guys on during sex? What specific things do men like done to them? Or what things do men like about sex period? Is there a certain way that you want your partner to be sexually? What type of sexual personality do you have? Does it matter of the sex is good or not? Are females vaginas really that different? What makes one better than another?

What turns females on during sex? What things have to happen in the bedroom (or bathroom, livingroom, club, whatever...) for sex to be good for you? What things do you specifically like about sex? What makes it "good" or "bad" or "memorable" even? What should a woman/man NOT do in the bedroom? What makes you "go back for more"??

Well, so much for short and sweet

suggestions for topics that interest you???

i deep into my school work right now so i wasnt able and wont be able to post anything today due to lack of time

BUT...

i do want to know if there are any topics of interest refering to relationships that any of our readers would like addressed? any personal situations you need an opinion or second view about?? let us know and we will make it happen...

if not, stayed tuned for the next blog on my favorite steamy topic...




sex.