MAY-DECEMBER RELATIONSHIPS
By: Angelica Hart and Zi
There has been a phenomenon that has existed whereas unattractive men hook up with attractive women, often older men, with an age difference wide enough that it risks social disapproval. It dates back to the movies of the 40s, 50s and 60s. Perpetuated by the recent movies that depict May-December relationships, such as An American Haunting, Get Smart, Bulworth, Lost in Translation, Me Without You, Sin City, or Whatever Works.
A: What was the May-December relationship in Get Smart?
Z: Great question. My research gave me these movies. And I also thought about Get Smart. The only moment that might have fit the description was the baker clerk and Agent 86. They might have missed it by thiiisss much. (Shows thumb and pointer gesture describing the distance not the size of anything else)
A: Do you like the premise of those movies? (Hikes up her chin in a lofty manner)
Z: Was that implying I'm old? (He pulls downward his hiked up pants, showing boxer top to look hip)
A: Ouch! Maybe I was. Mia culpa. (She curtseys respectfully... rises and juts tongue)
Z: Bronson Alcott once wrote, "As we grow old, the beauty steals inward." I think I believe that relationships are what they are. Pigeon-holing love into age groups fails the logic test for me. (Looks in the mirror, moistens pinkie, smoothes eyebrows... Strikes a bon vivant expression)
A: To quote Bernard Baruch, "To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am." (The two fist-bump in agreement... a gesture they both would not admit was stupid because that hurt)
Z: One older male friend who sadly was a widower for twelve years began dating and as the premise of this piece would indicate a much younger woman. (He adds three items to his Christmas list to be e-mailed as an amendment to previous Christmas lists)
A: Cradle robber?
Z: Not quite. When I asked him why, even though we were in the common room of church he replied, "The little head kept whining and whining that I have not taken him out in awhile."
A: Typical male behavior, but rephrasing Bob Dylan's lyrics, 'Everybody must get boned!'
Z: Angelica! Shame-shame. (He does the index finger over index finger tsk-tsk gesture) And the man used convoluted reasoning, he agreeing with the little head and realizing it only recognized younger women. That's all it knew.
A: What goes up and never comes down? (Offers a broad toothy grin)
Z: (Red faced thinking, something with Viagra in it) Ok, tell me.
A: Your age. (She laughs...he didn't) The Butler said it, "There's many a good tune played on an old fiddle." Maybe he needs music lessons, the classics are oft the greatest works. (Now she looks in the mirror and gives herself a thumbs up with a wink)
Z: You and Canetti get it. Elias wrote, "One part of him is old and another is still unborn." I think many men need emotional maturation.
A: Serrriousss overdoes!
Z: Sorry. The peanut went to the police station stating he was assaulted. Better?
A: Not much! Knowing men who have so engaged in this extension of a mid-life crisis, not being able to afford that Porsche, when asked, "Do you deserve such a trophy on your arm?" One fifty-five year old softball player I know replied, "Well... but I have arthritis, an enlarged prostate, and a receding hairline, and I don't deserve those."
Z: So I believe that relationships are hard to achieve. Life is far too short. My buddy Stanislaw Lec said, ""Oh to be old again," said a young corpse."
A: And this means what to me?
Z: I believe we should love who we love.
A: Proponents of the old man young woman dynamic argue that the man is bright and the women enhances his milieu. Rumor has it this was propaganda presented by old men and young women. And many have said that they will begat the perfect children. Having his profound mind and her stunning body.
Z: But what if, the child has his saggy body and her less than mature mind?
A: So I ask you, should people over fifty engage in physical relationships? (She thinks about the bald man who got a comb for his birthday and him telling his Granddaughter, "I will never part with it.")
Z: Whereas, for some fifty is the ultimate F word, I contend that a fifty-year-old is in fact an eighteen-year-old with thirty-two years of experience. To answer your question, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!
A: Should their partner be younger?
Z: Yes, no, maybe so. To quote one of my favorite authors Ogden Nash...
A: (Interrupts) "Candy's dandy but liquor's quicker."
Z: Same guy but this was more profound then profane. "How confusing beams from memories lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grandpa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?"
A: We believing every boat has a right to float, and have chosen to be supporters of all relationship dynamics.
When writing this, we recalled a story told us at a party by some friends when we asked about role-playing for the purpose of spicing up their romance, and when we say romance we mean... well, you know what we mean. A husband related that one evening he asked his wife if she'd like to play boss and secretary. This was after the most noted movie with the title, Secretary, and if you haven't seen it, well, see it. James Spader was, well... you gotta see it. Back to the couple, she as he described found a huge smile on her face and responded with an enthusiastic, "Yes!" This husband related at that instant he knew role-playing would amp up what was becoming a little same ole same ole. But as we all know, life provides a twist or two and as the wife began to play out the script, she grabbed a prop and extended a hand to him and stated, "Here's your steno pad, dear."
A: In a recent manuscript, LOVE LETTERS, three of the relationships are in fact ones where the females are older. They were the most fun to create and provided much fodder for sensuality, motivation and some amusement.
Z: So the older woman gets the young hunky... wait a second... (Zi thought... MILF... shook his head cleansing offensive references... old woman-young guy, that was Angelica's idea... was I manipulated? I've some research to do. Be right back. Ah-ha, I have returned. She told me it was my idea, though Angelica really liked it. Thought so. I adore women and want them to be happy. Oops... far too much information.)
A: Old is a state of mind. Weaver wrote, "I'm not as old as I used to be."
Z: And Mark Twain gave us, "Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been."
A: Last year my birthday cake looked like a field fire.
Z: I remember it set off the smoke detector.
A: Stereotyping gender age?
Z: Yes, I am.
We'd love to hear from anyone interested in what we do. Anyone who emails us at angelicahartandzi@yahoo.com and leaves an s-mail address, we will send you a gift and add you to any future mailings.
Angelica Hart and Zi
KILLER DOLLS
SNAKE DANCE
CHASING YESTERDAY
Champagne Books
angelicahartandzi.com
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